A Billion Stars Can’t Amount to You - Chapter 1034

Chapter 1034: A Joke (5)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

“Cheng Weiwan’s mother started to leave her at home alone from a very young age.”

“Cheng Weiwan’s mother… during the second year of elementary school, she passed away from an illness.”

Han Zhifan’s parents passed away when he was young, leaving him and Lili to fend for themselves too. He was far too familiar with feeling helpless, but he still had his little sister to keep him company. But what about her? She was alone… Even though her father was alive, it was like he wasn’t…

As that thought flashed across Han Zhifan’s mind, the vision of little Cheng Weiwan calling Cheng Weiguo, full of anticipation, to ask if he could come to the school played out before his eyes. He imagined her asking him to help with parent’s day, getting rejected by Cheng Weiguo, hanging up the phone in disappointment, and crying in secret.

It felt like Han Zhifan’s heart was being violently clutched as he felt a raw pain rising in his chest.

He knew he shouldn’t think back to what Lin Sheng said, but he couldn’t help himself. As those words bore endlessly in his ears, image after image formed in his mind.

The image of little Cheng Weiwana looking helpless with wide eyes as kids her age called her mute.

The image of her lonely and helpless, alone in the hospital at eighteen years old, when she got into that car accident.

The image of her turning a blind eye to how her own father was friendly with all the other students.

The image of her timidly giving Cheng Weiguo a call to ask for tuition money.

The image of her being bullied by guys and Cheng Weiguo ignoring it as he walked by.

He figured that Cheng Weiwan must’ve been devastated by her biological father’s coldness more than the guys from college bullying her, right?

It was no wonder he felt she was a little defensive when he first approached her. So as it turned out, she’d never felt warmth in this world.

He thought she would be really hard to get and he created so many schemes to win her over. However, who would’ve thought he would be able to get her with his very first scheme.

Back then, he couldn’t help but feel delighted inside. He thought he was incredibly charming and that she was really stupid and easy to fool. Now, he finally understood that it wasn’t because he was incredibly charming, nor was it because she was really stupid and easy to fool. Instead, it was because nobody had ever treated her well. He was the first. She was defensive at first because she didn’t dare accept it. After she truly accepted it ,she clung onto the thought of them lasting forever.

She must’ve liked the night she gave herself to him, right? She must’ve felt that something beautiful had finally happened to lonely old her.

Instead, she was set up.

He mercilessly abandoned her and forced her to abort her child without a moment’s hesitation. Then without getting soft-hearted, he brought a woman back and acted intimate with her just for Cheng Weiwan to watch…

Time and time again, he crossed her bottom line. He shattered one fantasy after another in her heart.

The mother who loved her left her very, very early.

Her biological father completely hurt her.

And him… She thought she had finally met someone good when all along, she was still being pushed toward hell.

It was no wonder she was depressed; it was no wonder she couldn’t live without Hanhan; it was no wonder she couldn’t fall sleep even when it was late at night…

In the very beginning, he clearly got close to her because of Lili.

Chapter 1035: A Joke (6)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

He figured she was Cheng Weiguo’s one and only daughter and Cheng Weiguo mentioned his daughter on multiple public occasions, so she must be Cheng Weiguo’s weak spot. He figured that as long as he made her live a life worse than hell, Cheng Weiguo would definitely live a life worse than hell too.

But in the end, while he really made her live a life worse than hell and he really did achieve his objective, Cheng Weiguo was still living just fine in the world. In fact, he lived happily and freely.

He racked his brain planning everything, but he never actually achieved his desired goal.

The person who should’ve truly been punished never received his punishment. If that wasn’t enough, he loved her but didn’t dare admit it, and he was afraid he was too captivated by her, so he found a random woman to marry in a hurry. Cheng Weiwan wanted to leave, but what about him? He didn’t want to let her go, and he even cruelly raped her…

Funny! How truly hilarious!

What was funny was that if it wasn’t enough for him to hurt her, he even got her pregnant, which led to her being embarrassed by Cheng Weiguo like that. If that still wasn’t enough, Cheng Weiguo wanted to also cut all ties with her, which led to her being ignored for three whole years…

I was a freaking moron to have come up with such a hilarious joke!

Is there anyone more moronic than me in this world?

With that thought, Han Zhifan started laughing as he thought it was a really funny joke.

The sound of his laughter grew until his eyes eventually turned red.

What was he going to do? His heart was aching so fiercely that he thought he could die at any time from the pain.

What was he going to do? He was a little out of breath and he felt like it was quite hard to breathe. It felt like he was going to die from a lack of oxygen.

What was he going to do? He suddenly felt like an idiot, a complete idiot…

What was he going to? He was panicking – the kind of panic where he couldn’t speak. He treated her like that and hurt her like that time and time again…

She must be really disappointed in me… She mustn’t dare to believe me…

So what should I do?

Before finding out about her and Cheng Weiguo’s relationship, he realized he was falling in love with her. At the time, he could use Lili as a way to mask his feelings.

But what about now?

There was no way he could use revenge to fool and deceive himself any longer.

Aside from being annoyed, he was regretful, he blamed himself, and he was in love.

He truly loved her. It didn’t matter if she believed him or not, because he truly loved her. But was he still worthy of her?

No, I’m not worthy!

How could I have the face to actually hope of being worthy of loving her?!

I’m truly shameless!

Yeah! How could I be so shameless?!

With that thought, Han Zhifan suddenly reached out and violently slapped his own face.

It seemed like Han Zhifan felt like one slap wasn’t enough, so he raised his other hand and slapped himself on the face several more times.

Did it hurt?

A lot.

But compared to the pain he inflicted on her, what was this little bit of pain?

Lin Sheng was right. Before Lin Sheng helped carry out his plan with her, Lin Sheng asked if he was sure. Lin Sheng said it might not be a good idea to do this to a woman…

At the time, he didn’t think twice about it and replied he was sure he wanted to go through with it.

If he could turn back time, knowing he would end up like this, then he definitely, definitely would’ve replied, “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to do it.”

But the situation had already gotten to this point; time couldn’t turn back. The world had no cure for regret. Aside from the annoyance and regret, he should continue by thinking about what he should do now.

Chapter 1036: A Joke (7)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

For some reason, Han Zhifan suddenly remembered how Cheng Weiwan sent him a parcel to return her key to his apartment in Yongyu Gardens. Inside, there was a note which read: “I heard you’re with someone new. From here on out, I’m the hero who will fight the battles and bleed everywhere.”

It felt like Han Zhifan’s heart was stabbed by a knife as the pain stifled his breathing for a good while and his mind started spinning again.

No. He was never with someone new, and he never fought battles and bled for another woman…

He had an ulterior motive, but his whole life, he’d only ever had one woman – her.

If he told her all this, would she forgive him…? Would she believe him…? Would she be willing to be with him?

But he hurt her so deeply. How could he talk about love with her?

But no matter how embarrassed he was, he was sincerely and whole-heartedly in love with her… But wasn’t there an old saying? “It’s never too late to get back on the right path.”

He knew he was in the wrong. He would change. He would change everything. Would she be willing to give him a chance to treat her good all over again?

He promised to himself he would be good to her, love her, and give her the best of everything in the world. He would repay everything he and other people did to her. He would never make her mad, he would never make her sad, and what’s more, he would never let her down…

Would she be willing to give him another chance and would she trust him once again?

Once, just once. Once would be enough.

With that thought, Han Zhifan suddenly got up from his office chair, scooped up his jacket and car keys, then ran out of the office and out the building.

He stepped on the gas and sped all the way back home.

There were clear handprints on his face, so when the housekeeper saw him as he walked in, she looked worried and heartbroken while she asked what happened. He ignored her as he ran up the stairs and darted into the bedroom.

She was asleep.

…

Han Zhifan didn’t sleep. He stayed up all night, watching over Cheng Weiwan.

…

After Cheng Weiwan woke up, she immediately saw Han Zhifan.

There was stubble on his chin, his eyes were red, and his face was swollen with handprints.

Cheng Weiwan was stunned when she saw Han Zhifan like that. Then she withdrew her gaze, and as usual, she didn’t say anything but silently removed the covers, climbed out of bed, and walked into the bathroom.

When she finished freshening up, Cheng Weiwan was ready to walk out of the bedroom and see Hanhan.

She thought Han Zhifan wouldn’t speak to her. She never imagined that when she reached the door, Han Zhidan would cry out to her. “Wanwan.”

He called her “Wanwan” in the exact same tone he used when she thought he loved her.

Cheng Weiwan stood with her back to Han Zhifan for a while then turned her head to look over at him.

She didn’t say anything.

Han Zhifan gulped and said, “Can we talk?”

Cheng Weiwan was a little lost for what to do about Han Zhifan’s sudden change in attitude.

She thought he was playing some kind of trick, so she didn’t dare accept or decline his proposal.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to eat breakfast first then talk?”

Han Zhifan spoke again to let Cheng Weiwan know he was serious. She shook her head.

“Then sit down first.” Han Zhifan point to the side of the bed.

Cheng Weiwan didn’t sit.

Han Zhifan gulped again. It seemed like he was afraid to be disturbed, so he walked over to the bedroom door and locked it from the inside. Then he turned around and faced Cheng Weiwan.

She didn’t sit, nor did he.

He stared at her eyes for a while then said, “Wanwan, can we still go back to how things were?”

Chapter 1037: A Joke (8)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

He stared at her eyes for a while then said, “Wanwan, can we still go back to how things were?”

Can we still go back to how things were?

Such a simple question, yet Cheng Weiwan thought about it for a long time, trying to figure out what Han Zhifan really meant.

Han Zhifan’s Adam’s apple shifted as he repeated what he just said. “Wanwan, if I told you that I loved you, could we still go back to how things were?”

If I said I loved you… I love you…

Cheng Weiwan stood stunned on the spot for a good while before she realized what “I love you” meant. Her first thought was that she hallucinating.

Did my depressen worsen because I’ve been feeling terrible lately? I must be pretty sick to hallucinate the impossible…

Cheng Weiwan thought about it and a self-taunting smile was plastered across her lips.

Looks like I’m going to have to see a psychologist tomorrow for a check up…

Although Cheng Weiwan didn’t say anything, she smiled, which let Han Zhifan know she didn’t believe him.

Before he came, he thought Cheng Weiwan wouldn’t believe him. Even though he thought it was difficult to say, and even though he felt he was being far too shameless, he said what he should’ve said.

“Wanwan, I know you don’t believe me and I know that if it were any other person who experienced what you did, they wouldn’t believe me either. But what I said is all true, I…”

Han Zhifan wanted to tell Cheng Weiwan that everything he did was because of Lili and because of that trash, Cheng Weiguo. Cheng Weiguo’s cruelty and despicable nature killed his biological little sister. However, when the words approached his mouth, he thought back to how Cheng Weiwan looked when she went to see Cheng Weiguo yesterday and how she hoped to speak peacefully with him; he also thought about every little detail Lin Sheng told him about her.

Even though Cheng Weiguo didn’t treat her very well, she was probably still full of hope for her father deep down.

If I told her about these things… She’d be really hurt and probably wouldn’t believe me, right?

Just like in the beginning, he mercilessly abandoned her. He clearly planned to tell her about the monstrous things her father did, but in the end, he gave up on the idea. At the time, he didn’t know why he didn’t tell her, but thinking about it now, he probably couldn’t bear to do it back then… Just like how he didn’t dare to personally force her to abort the child and sent his secretary instead. He was afraid he would back out at the last minute and drag her down from the operating table. He didn’t think twice about cutting all contact with her because he was afraid of himself; afraid that he wouldn’t be able to control his emotions…

Bloody revenge for Lili still needed to be carried out, but he was afraid he’d need to think of a different method.

At the very least, he needed to find a way that wouldn’t affect Cheng Weiwan…

With that thought, Han Zhifan decided to brush over these grudges. “…I don’t want to explain my previous actions too much, because the past me was a real douchebag. I also know it’s obviously stupid for me to say these things now, but I’m serious. Wanwan, I truly love you and I really want to start all over with you. Could you give me another chance? Just this once. I promise I won’t make you sad, I won’t let you down again, and I’ll treat you really well. From now on, I’ll make up for all the times I mistreated you…”

Chapter 1038: A Joke (9)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

“…So Wanwan, give me another chance and let us start again, please?”

Han Zhifan’s final question made Cheng Weiwan blink softly and snap back to reality.

In the face of Han Zhifan’s look of anticipation, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she turned around and walked over to the sofa nearby.

Han Zhifan furrowed his eyes slightly as a hint of confusion flashed across his face.

Soon enough, he saw Cheng Weiwan picking up her bag from the sofa, pulling out a white bottle of pills, taking out a few, and putting them into her mouth.

He knew those were antidepressants.

Why did she suddenly take her medicine when I’m speaking to her?

“Wanwan?” cried Han Zhifan, who couldn’t help but ask.

When Cheng Weiwan heard his voice, she turned her head and looked over at him.

She looked at him for a while then gently blinked and mumbled something.

Despite her very quiet voice, Han Zhifan could still clearly hear what she said.

She said, “So I wasn’t hallucinating…

It was like a knife had viciously stabbed Han Zhifan’s heart. The pain made Han Zhifan’s body sway for a moment.

I said so much to her just now, but she actually thought it was a hallucination caused by her illness… To have that kind of reaction, just how much did she not believe what I said?

Han Zhifan couldn’t help but turn his head away and softly reply, “Wanwan, I’m sorry.”

Sorry… The dullest, most powerless word in the word.

But at that very moment, Han Zhifan really didn’t know what he could say aside from this word.

Cheng Weiwan didn’t speak.

It seemed like she was staring at Han Zhifan, and it also looked like she was staring at an empty spot with a slightly dazed look in her eyes.

In her mind, she thought about everything Han Zhifan said from start to end.

He said he loved her and he was sincere. He said he wanted to start over with her again and that he wanted her to give him one more chance – just one. He even said he would treat her really well from now on… He even said “Sorry” to her.

Sorry… When he abandoned her two years ago, she thought about how he normally treated her really well when they were together, so how could he say he didn’t want her just like that? Was he messing with her? Would he apologize to her the next day? Even if he really wanted to apologize, she definitely wouldn’t forgive him… Even though that’s what she thought, her past self would let bygones be bygones if he apologized and got back together with her. She would’ve pretended that nothing happened and be with him again.

But she waited day after day, yet he didn’t come to see her. In the end, he was even cold and merciless to her in her dreams.

Later on, she couldn’t wait any longer. She finally stopped waiting and gave up a long, long time ago. He was apologizing to her now, but she… she no longer believed him.

Yeah. She didn’t dare… She really lost all confidence and didn’t dare to believe him.

Who could say what the truth was? Maybe he was just using a new method to torture her all over again.

So she couldn’t believe what he said ever again; she would treat it as though nothing happened. As long as she didn’t look forward to anything in this world, she wouldn’t get upset.

He didn’t say anything else, nor did she hear anything.

I should get out of bed, eat breakfast, and check on Hanhan…

Chapter 1039: A Joke (10)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

Cheng Weiwan gently shook her head and pushed all the thoughts about Han Zhifan to the back of her mind. Then she raised her feet and walked over to the door.

When she passed by Han Zhifan, he reached his hand out and pulled her arm.

Cheng Weiwan’s body trembled as she instinctively wanted to pull away from Han Zhifan’s grip but Han Zhifan locked his grip in a little tighter.

“It’s true. Wanwan, what I just said was true.”

“I know I’m going too far in asking you like this, and I’m really shameless considering how I treated you, how I hurt you.”

“And I know it’ll be really hard for you to suddenly believe me, but Wanwan, could you please try to believe me just once? Just once!”

“I promise I won’t let you down. What’s more… Wanwan, we still have Hanhan…”

When Han Zhifan said this, he suddenly remembered how he agreed to marry Lin Na recently to distance himself from Cheng Weiwan. Without thinking twice, he pulled out his phone and called Lin Na right in front of Cheng Weiwan.

He put the call on speakerphone.

Lin Na quickly picked up the phone. She was really happy, perhaps because he called her. “Zhi…”

He didn’t wait for her to finish calling his name as he said, “Lin Na, I’m really sorry. I can’t marry you…”

With that said, he hung up the phone and couldn’t wait to look over at Cheng Weiwan. “…Wanwan, it’s fixed. Okay?”

“…Or, Wanwan, you tell me. What will it take for you to give me one chance and trust me just this once?

Cheng Weiwan tried to pull her wrist away. After she realized she couldn’t pull away, she stared unwaveringly at Han Zhifan for a moment then turned her gaze out the window.

She stared out at the shining sunlight, blinked softly and said quickly in a quiet voice, “It’s been over two months since Hanhan got sick and I moved into your home. These past few days, you and I…”

She paused for a moment; perhaps because she was shy. Then she suddenly blurted out the words she found difficult to say: “…have done it about twenty times now. Could you do it as frequently as possible… finish quicker. I want… to leave sooner.”

“Wanwan…”

Cheng Weiwan didn’t wait for Han Zhifan to finish speaking as she softly and quietly spoke up. “I don’t know what your motive or plans are for suddenly telling me this, but no matter what they are, they have nothing to do with me. I don’t want to know why you’re doing this. Haven’t you always wanted to stay far away from me? You’ve done it. As long as everything is cleanly handled between us, I definitely won’t appear in your world again once I leave.”

With that said, Cheng Weiwan pulled harder, trying to free her wrist from Han Zhifan’s hand.

Han Zhifan instinctively tightened his grip. “Wanwan, I’m telling you all this from the bottom of my heart. I have no motive or plans.”

Cheng Weiwan pursed her lips but didn’t say a word. She pulled her wrist away even more fiercely.

“If you must think I have some kind of plan or motive, the only one I can think of is being with you, to make up for everything, to fix every little horrible thing I ever did to you! Of course, I’m not doing it because I owe you, but because I really like…”

Chapter 1040: Afraid (1)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

Cheng Weiwan knew Han Zhifan’s words were all lies.

But his words still rattled her heart.

In the past, he used to speak to her like this, but in the end, it was all a lie.

She had been lied to once. She couldn’t be foolishly lied to a second time.

So, no matter whether he was telling the truth or not, she couldn’t be influenced by what he said.

She needed to free herself…

With that thought, Cheng Weiwan didn’t wait for Han Zhifan to finish saying “You” and said, “…Did you know? After you left, it wasn’t like I didn’t meet other people, and it wasn’t like other people didn’t express any feelings towards me – I just didn’t respond to them. I rejected them all…”

“It wasn’t like no one tried to persuade me; it wasn’t like no one told me to find someone for Hanhan’s sake; it wasn’t like nobody told me I deserved better! But I still insisted on rejecting them.”

“…Do you know why?”

Han Zhifan didn’t say anything but Cheng Weiwan knew he was listening to her words. After a short moment of silence, she said, “…I admit I truly loved you when we were together. After we broke up, I still really liked you, but I rejected other people not because I liked you, but because I didn’t dare fall for another person ever again.”

“I knew deep down that no matter if it was Lin Muqing or Lin Yinan, they all thought I still had hope for you and didn’t want to give up. I told them that wasn’t it, but they didn’t believe me. Not too long ago, Yinan Ge talked to me about it and asked if I still had any hopes of being with you.”

“Do you know what I said to Yinan Ge?”

“I said you need two things to forget someone: time and a new love.”

“Some people might use a new love to forget, but I chose to only use time.”

“I’m not persistent in waiting for you to love me. I’m just waiting for myself to stop loving you.”

“I didn’t lie to Yinan Ge – everything I said was the truth. Since you brought a woman back home and since I watched you both having sex, standing outside…”

Han Zhifan, who had been listening to Cheng Weiwan all along, suddenly interrupted at that point. “Wanwan, she and I didn’t do anything that day. I was just putting on a show for you to watch…”

“None of that is important… What’s important is that from that night onwards, from the next morning when I sent keys to your apartment when I got home, and from when I put pen to paper and wrote that line ‘I heard you’re with someone new. From here on out, I’m the hero who will fight the battles and bleed everywhere…’ I started waiting for myself to stop loving you.”

“I waited a really, really long time. I’ve waited till now…”

“I don’t know if I’m living well or not, but in comparison to when you first abandoned me, I’m a lot better. So if what you’re saying is true, I’ll tell you the truth too. I don’t want to relive that train wreck of a relationship. I won’t be with you, but it’s not just you, it’s everyone… I won’t be with anyone…”

“To you, maybe you think you really need a chance. Just one.”

“But to me, it’s not that I don’t want to give you a chance, I just can’t give you one…”

Chapter 1041: Afraid (2)

Translator: Paperplane Editor: Caron_

It’s not that I don’t want to give you a chance; I just can’t give you a chance…

Cheng Weiwan’s final words were spoken softly, but when they entered Han Zhifan’s ears, they had immense power. It made his heart violently tremble twice.

Can’t give… Just how deeply was she hurt to not be able to give me a chance?

She didn’t lie to him – everything she said was true. She really couldn’t give him a chance.

Perhaps if it were any other woman, after they experienced something like this, any other woman could give him a chance and start all over again. But she couldn’t…

From when she was born till now, no matter if it was friendship or love, she hadn’t had much.

After her mother passed away, she always hoped for a feeling of home from her father. In the past few years, she worked so hard and had been so tolerant. But in the end, she was just on the receiving end of her father’s mercilessness.

And then there was him, the person she believed so much. Nobody knew how torn her heart was because she let herself believe him. Ultimately, she ended up getting dumped.

With that thought, Cheng Weiwan added, “…Not only am I not courageous, but I don’t even have the underlying confidence right now. I don’t dare believe in another person, because I’m afraid – afraid of being tricked or left behind and forgotten once again. When it comes to it, it really wears me out…”

“…Maybe you’re saying everything with sincerity, but I don’t dare take the risk because at least… at least now…I’m still alive.”

At least… at least now…I’m still alive.

Those few words made Han Zhifan’s heart ache.

Cheng Weiwan, who said everything she wanted to say, noticed that Han Zhifan hadn’t said anything, so she didn’t say anything. Instead, she forcefully pulled her wrist away again, trying to tear herself away from his hands.

This time, Han Zhifan loosened his grip the moment her fingers tensed up. With this, he gradually let go and let her pull away.

Cheng Weiwan didn’t linger for too long in the bedroom and quickly walked over to the door. She pulled it open and walked out.

When Cheng Weiwan shut the bedroom door, her feet came to a stop.

With her back against the door, she stood in the hallway in a daze until she heard Hanhan cry “Mummy” before she snapped back to reality. Then she swayed as she walked towards the little Cheng Han, who had walked up the stairs. She picked him up while having a quiet conversation with him on their way down the stairs.

…

Han Zhifan stayed in the room for a long while in a daze before stepping outside.

Cheng Weiwan was on the living room sofa with Cheng Wan as he played with a new toy which the housekeeper bought for him yesterday.

The housekeeper was the first to notice Han Zhifan. “Mr. Han, would you like to eat breakfast right now?”

After hearing that voice, Cheng Han raised his head from Cheng Weiwan’s embrace. “Daddy,” he cried in a sweet voice.

Cheng Weiwan raised her head too but only to quickly sweep him a look. She barely caught the look on his face when she shifted her gaze again and watched Cheng Wan play with his toy.

Han Zhifan paused for a moment on the stairs before heading down again.

He ignored the housekeeper, but when he stepped into the living room, the housekeeper said, “Mr. Han, shall I serve you breakfast now?”

Han Zhifan shook his head.

After getting closer, the housekeeper realized Han Zhifan didn’t look so well. “Mr. Han, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

Han Zhifan didn’t say anything but he stared at the adult and child on the sofa for a while. Then he raised his feet, walked over to the entrance, put on some shoes and left.