Citadel of Desire - Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Don’t Let Me In (1)

Rei used to be envious of a lot of things. During her childhood, she wanted to bring a new doll to every luncheon, just like all those other young girls. Instead of her cruel brother, she wanted a kind sister who would give up the strawberry on the cake for her sake. She wanted her father to read her fairy tales at night. She also wanted to be invited to a close friend’s tea party. There were countless things that a normal young miss did that she was never able to experience.

But after coming to the manor, her life gained a new meaning. She experienced contact with a man who wasn’t related to her. She got to eat desserts sweet enough to numb her palate. And now she could even learn how to read for free. She used to be trapped inside her house and knew nothing about how ordinary families behaved. But compared to the past, her days now were relaxing and mellow.

“Lady, don’t come out of your room after midnight.”

“I know. Clodan told me.”

“If you want to eat something, wait until the next day. Don’t come out of your room to look for me, no matter what.”

“Don’t worry. I-I won’t.”

“Then, have a good night.”

There were certain days when she was not allowed to go outside her room. Mary told her that it was a custom that their household had been practicing for generations, but Philip simply brushed off Rei’s question by telling her it was cleaning day and locked the room.

Rei didn’t know who to believe. If it was a custom, then she was curious as to whether it was unique to their household or if the other noble families around the countryside practiced it as well.

But she couldn’t bring herself to ask Clodan about it. Every time the topic of the custom was brought up, he’d make an annoyed face. He hated talking about it. And from the looks of it, every time they had to practice the custom, Clodan would snap at Philip more often. Mary would shut herself inside the kitchen, only coming out to bring him snacks. Jack would forget to feed the horses in the stable, choosing to click his tongue in irritation and hide instead. The gardener would even ignore the precious flowers he’d been taking care of. Although they seemed to be following the custom down to the last letter, they all seemed fed up with it.

Curiosity got the better of Rei and one day, she mustered up the courage to ask Clodan a question.

“Clodan…”

“Yes?”

“If you don’t follow the custom, will it be a problem?”

Clodan didn’t reply, choosing to stare at her instead. Rei immediately assumed that she’d made a mistake by asking him a sensitive question and started apologizing profusely.

“S-sorry, I…I just that if everyone hates the custom so much, th-then you don’t have to follow it.”

“Rei.”

“Y-yes?”

“If I come to your room…”

His voice trailed off as he got lost in his own thoughts. He stared off into the distance, seemingly unable to snap out of his trance. Anxious to hear what he had to say, Rei softly called out to him.

“Don’t…Don’t let me in.”

“What?”

His words didn’t make much sense to her. Why would she reject his company? She assumed that he was joking, so she simply nodded in reply. And after that day, Clodan never mentioned the custom again. Rei didn’t bring up the topic again either. She understood. Everybody had things they didn’t want to talk about.

“Ah, I wish it’d end soon…”

Rei spent the whole day sleeping lazily. And so, the next day she developed a migraine, rendering her unable to even swallow a spoonful of soup. Ah, she shouldn’t have done that. She’ll never do something so idiotic again!

She came up with a new way to pass time. Her favourite hobby nowadays was to read books, even with difficulty. They helped her distract herself from all those depressing thoughts, so she’d borrowed plenty of books from Clodan’s collection.

The day just started. How can I miss him already?

With the beginning of a new relationship came new worries. Before, she wasn’t so worried about whether Heish could return Clodan’s money. If all else failed, she could simply return to her hometown. In fact, it was something she longed for. But now that she’d got a taste of this new, exciting life, the thought of parting from Clodan made her heart ache. Rei wasn’t sure she’d be able to smile anymore if she went back to her old life.

Rei tapped the cover of the book lying on the table at her bedside. Clodan had picked out a total of ten books for her. Because of him, she developed a deep interest in reading. Discussing the books with him until dawn was her greatest pleasure.

Clodan always smiled at her. She’d often find herself staring at him and whenever their eyes met, he’d beam at her mischievously. To Rei, he seemed like a playful child who’d just broken a window. Her vision was biased and she only found herself drawn to him more and more. Watching Clodan smile everyday was all she needed.

“Rei!”

The door suddenly quivered forcefully, snapping her out of her thoughts. The thumping noise was too harsh and rushed to be called a knock. It was as if someone was hitting the door with their fists. Who could it be? It was way past midnight. No one was supposed to be up and about at this time.

“Open up! It’s me!”

Heish’s muffled voice came in through the door. Rei hurriedly wrapped a blanket around her body and opened the door.

“Heish? What’s wrong?”

His hair was damp and was stuck to his forehead. She could see the beads of sweat rolling down his face as he panted softly. His eyes held a crazed, wild look and his shirt was all crumpled up. For the usual Heish, who cared about his appearance more than any woman in the world, this would’ve been unacceptable.

“Oh… Rei…”

“What ha-happened?”

Suddenly, he began to tear up. Slight dread slowly creeped up on her. Rei nervously bit her lip and stepped out in the hallway

“D-did you lose his money?”

“What?!”

His tears immediately disappeared, almost magically. A frown took over his face, expressing his contempt.

“Watch what you’re saying! Who lost whose money? Do you think something like that small sum is important right now?”

“A-a small sum?”

“Have you lost your senses, Rei? Why do you think he’s so good to—”

“We came here because we didn’t even have that ‘small sum!’”

“Rei Lisburn! Listen to me!”

“Why did you do this? Why do you always get swindled? Why would you do that to Clodan—”

A loud smack resounded in the room. Rei’s cheek burned and she couldn’t figure out whether it was due to pain or humiliation. Heish had raised his hand on her. He had slapped her. A lone tear cascaded down her face, but he didn’t care. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her roughly, almost as if trying to physically shake some sense into her.

“Rei Lisburn. That’s enough. I know you’re immature, but how dare you look down on your brother?! Why do you think he’s even letting you live here? Hm?”

“Let go!”

“He’s a monster! This whole place is filled with monsters! Do you even know what I had to go through to get to you? I spent the entire day hiding under a table! We’re leaving, now.”

Heish’s wide, blood-shot eyes filled her with a sense of terror. She could only assume that Heish was drunk and out of his mind. He probably lost all of Clodan’s money and was now planning to run away because he had nothing to repay him with. Ah, it was even worse than what she’d imagined.

“I’m not going to leave. I don’t want to go!”

“You’re out of your mind! You’ve been completely bewitched by that monster.”

Heish was desperate. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but Rei refused to listen to his words! He was fed up with this situation. But so was Rei.

“Heish, just apologize to Clodan, okay? Besides, even if we escaped, where would we go? We don’t have anywhere else to go. I…I like it here. Everyone’s so nice and kind to me and—”

“That’s because they’re going to devour you!”