Dear My Friend - Chapter 55

Chapter 55 – It Will Only Bring Hardship

“Lady Odeletta, don’t do this,” Xavier said, unable to hide his regret as he tried to stop her. “It will only bring hardship to you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Are you saying that because I’m Marie’s friend, or are you saying that because it’s me?” Odeletta questioned.

“Both, Lady Odeletta. I would feel like a terrible person if I hurt someone. Even more so if that someone is a true friend of the person I liked.”

Odeletta bit her lips hard. She couldn’t accept this reality. Did he really have no confidence in them together? Did he really see them not making it? She tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill over her eyes.

“Please give me a chance,” she pleaded.

“…I cannot marry you.” Xavier looked more aggrieved than before. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m already hurt. You know that,” she said, shaking her head with a bitter expression. “Give me a chance. I’m not asking for a long time, Your Highness. I would like to hang on to you until your feelings turn to me, but I’m a human being, so at some point, I’ll eventually realize it’s impossible.”

“…”

“Until then, please pretend. Just allow me to stand next to you. I cannot give you up at this rate.”

“My Lady.”

“Please, Your Highness,” Odeletta begged, looking straight into Xavier’s eyes. “Can’t you allow me this much?”

“You cannot act that way, Lady Odeletta. Even if it’s a pretense, I—”

“The reason you continue to hide your feelings from Maristella is because you have no courage to confess.”

“…”

“It’s fine, Your Majesty. I won’t feel bad if you continue to meet with Maristella. Please give me mercy.”

“Lady Odeletta,” Xavier said in a quiet but determined tone.

Odeletta looked up at him anxiously. She was hoping that he would recognize the earnestness of her feelings. But…

“It is the greatest mercy that I leave no place for you,” he said.

“…Your Grace.”

“I’m sorry, Lady Odeletta. I…”

Xavier looked straight into Odeletta’s eyes and clearly spoke.

“I cannot accept your feelings.”

Thud.

Odeletta’s heart dropped to the ground.

At that moment, it felt like the sky had fallen. Her vision spun and her heart throbbed painfully in her chest.

However, Xavier did not stop, and he continued to press the knife deeper into her heart.

“I’m here today just to make sure. As long as I like Lady Maristella, there won’t be a place for anyone else in my heart.”

“…”

Odeletta felt like her whole body was frozen in ice. She trembled and balled her hands on the skirt of her dress.

‘Why…’

Why was he so certain about Maristella but not her? Odeletta was equally as beautiful, came from an equally well-known family, and was equally well-behaved.

“Why…why won’t you let me, Your Majesty?” Odeletta asked, forcing her voice to remain as steady as possible. But to her shame, she realized that her voice was cracking. She felt a sting as her eyes reddened, but she did not let go of hope until the end. “I’ll…I’ll try. I’ll try harder to please you. Can you look at me just once?”

But Xavier only gave her a pitying expression. “My heart didn’t decide based on superior or inferior qualities. I just like her. So…this is not a problem that can be solved with hard work, Lady Odeletta.”

“…So you mean I don’t have a chance?” she asked.

“I will tell you again, my heart will never change.”

“Even if Marie chooses someone else even after she knows your feelings?”

“I have never considered such a future problem.” Xavier’s voice turned somber. “Even so, my heart will not go to anyone else.”

“But what about me?” Odeletta lamented. “Do you think you can move to someone else?”

“This is how I feel.” Xavier’s eyes turned somewhat distant, but he retained the politeness in his tone. “Regardless of Lady Maristella’s choice, I will only look at her until the end.”

“…You have dreams of romance. I didn’t know that the future emperor was like this”

“Indeed,” replied Xavier, smiling as if he didn’t even understand it himself. Odeletta looked at his face and saw that it was relaxed, but somehow sensed that he was boiling inside. How could he look so at ease?

Odeletta was never so arrogant enough as to expect that she would stand by Xavier’s side, but she had no plans of what to do in this kind of scenario and she felt hopeless and desperate.

However, even though Xavier was in the same situation as her, he said he would not give up his feelings for the person he liked. From Odeletta’s point of view, he was too casual. How could that be? It made her wonder. Then, a thought suddenly popped up in her head.

‘What kind of facial expression would he make if I leave Marie because of this?’

Before she could even put her thoughts together, the question jumped out of her mouth first.

“What would you do if today’s meeting fractured my relationship with Marie?”

Xavier hesitated for a moment, and Odeletta found herself feeling strangely triumphant. A moment later, he answered quietly.

“I hope not.” A sad expression shadowed his face. “And I don’t believe you would do that.”

“…Why?”

“Because Lady Odeletta is a nice person.”

For a moment, Odeletta was overcome with anger. “I’m not nice. You are seeing the wrong person,” she said sharply.

“Lady Odeletta,” Xavier said in a murmur. “I don’t want to come between your friendship with Lady Maristella. It may be inevitable now that things have come to this, but…”

“…”

“I suppose I’m too selfish,” Xavier concluded.

“I think so too,” Odeletta answered in an equally sad voice.

How did this all become so disastrous? She grieved inside, but was also ashamed by the surge of hostility towards Maristella that rose in her. Maristella was her most cherished friend, a friend that she loved the most—at least, before this happened.

It was even worse because Maristella had done nothing wrong. Odeletta understood in her head that her anger was wrong and illogical, but her heart thought differently. She was unused to this growing resentment towards her friend, while at the same time she sympathized and understood her own feelings.

Who could deal with this situation in such a detached manner? Not her at least. She wasn’t that good at controlling her emotions, and she wasn’t a giving person. What’s more, Odeletta lived a perfect life of a young noblewoman, so she was rarely rejected and never learned the tools to cope.

After taking some time to calm down her roiling emotions, Odeletta spoke. “…I understand for now, Your Highness. Thank you for your time today. I should take my leave.”

“…”

“Just like you won’t give up Maristella, I won’t give up either.”

This was a vow she would hold for a long time. She couldn’t give up just because the other person refused her. It was a terrible lingering feeling, bordering on obsession.

“I will try to move your heart,” she declared.

“By any means.”

“I’ll take my leave now.” Odeletta rose from her seat, bearing no traces of regret on her face at all, and bowed gracefully. Why would she regret it? She said everything she wanted to say, and did everything she wanted to do.

She left the dining room without another word, and the only thing that echoed in the room was Xavier’s deep sigh.