Dear My Friend - Chapter 58

Chapter 58 – Win Your Heart

Gulp.

I subconsciously gave a dry swallow. What would his answer be? I was both curious and scared at the same time. I was afraid that the words from his mouth would destroy all the trust and goodwill I had towards him so far, and I immediately wanted to know why he acted the way he did.

“I was given a command by the Emperor,” Xavier.

“…”

“You must have heard it from Lady Odeletta,” he continued.

“…I haven’t heard,” I said. She made no mention of that to me. I swallowed again and repeated myself like a parrot. “I haven’t heard.”

“Perhaps she couldn’t say anything to you,” he speculated. “The Emperor wants me to marry Lady Odeletta. It’s not an unusual justification. His son, who is of marriageable age, is not even courting anyone, let alone preparing for marriage.”

“…Is that the reason why?”

“Yes,” Xavier answered in a dry tone. “If it weren’t for that reason, I wouldn’t have been so cruel to Lady Odeletta. But it’s more cruel for me to give her a chance.”

“…”

“That’s why I had to tell her for sure. But apart from that…I’m sorry for not being able to face you both and be honest.”

“I didn’t know there was an imperial command,” I murmured in surprise.

Emperor Henry XIV wanted the two of them to be married. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. It felt like Odeletta had become the villainess in a TV drama.

‘So in the end, nothing changed from the original story?’

I swallowed the lump of anxiety in my throat and moistened my lips. Could the original story not be changed? Would Odeletta end this life only in this role?

‘No. It can’t be.’

The friendships in this world have already changed, so there was no reason why the romantic ones couldn’t either. I quickly shook off my negative thoughts and opened my mouth to speak.

“Why didn’t you give me a hint? If you had, I could have avoided the situation with Odeletta.”

I would have borne the brunt of the pain as the facilitator, but even so, Odeletta would have been spared a greater wound. I gave Xavier a baleful stare. “That was so cruel,” I added.

“…I’m sorry,” Xavier said quietly, his face stricken. “It is entirely my fault. I cannot deny it.”

“…”

I found myself at a loss for words in face of Xavier’s apology. What should I say next to keep the conversation going? I could have thrown out anything and then left, but that seemed a little unfair. Even after hearing his explanation, I still had a hard time giving up my resentment towards him. Still, I could also understand where he was coming from. If what Xavier said was the truth, it would not change the fact that Odeletta would be hurt, or that Xavier liked another woman.

“This may be rude, but…” I began tentatively, unable to hold my curiosity. “Can I ask you one question, Your Highness?”

“Yes, Lady Maristella,” he said in a quieter voice than before. “Ask me.”

“I don’t know who you like, so don’t worry,” I said jokingly in an attempt to lighten the heavy atmosphere. “To be honest, I don’t understand the situation very well.”

“What do you mean?”

“You will be the future emperor. Your handsome face stirs the hearts of all the young women of the Empire. You also have a good personality. In that sense, you’re the perfect man.”

“Is that so,” Xavier said, blushing in embarrassment, and I continued on, knowing my words were true.

“It’s not me who just thinks that, but everyone. So, I don’t understand.”

“What are you talking about?”

Then the real question. “What haven’t you confessed to the person you liked yet?” I asked.

“…”

“If I were in your place, I would have married them right away,” I said. I was struck by a sudden worry that I was overstepping my boundaries, so I quickly added to my words. “You don’t have to answer any personal questions. That was rude of me.”

“It is personal,” Xavier said as he looked at me intently. Somehow his gaze felt different from unusual, and his mood was unreadable. “I thought I could talk to my friend.”

“…”

“Are we still friends?”

“I don’t know if it’s alright to define my relationship with the Crown Prince in that way,” I said in a soft voice. “It is true that I feel disappointed by you. But it is also true that you were restricted by your circumstances.”

Xavier looked at me curiously. “Why do you make excuses for me? I could be a terrible person.”

“From what I’ve seen, I don’t think you’re like that,” I said, and continued to explain my thoughts in a calm voice. “Even before I came here, I thought that you would not have acted maliciously. And with the imperial command, you couldn’t have easily refused.”

“…”

“If you factor in personal circumstances, I can fully understand, even if I don’t fully approve.” I finished speaking, then hesitated before asking a question. “Am I being too presumptuous?”

“…No,” he answered with a faint sigh. “I am simply ashamed of myself.”

“…”

“Thank you very much for thinking highly of me, Lady Maristella. However, as you can see, I am indecisive in this respect. If I had followed common sense, I would have courted that person once I realized how I felt about them, but I hesitated.”

“Why?”

“Because I am afraid.” A smile that couldn’t easily be deciphered flickered across his face, but there was a certain sadness to it. The moment I saw that smile, I had no choice but to pause. It felt strange to see such an enigmatic expression on his face.

“What are you afraid of?” I prompted.

“I’m afraid that I’ll hurt the one I like,” he replied.

I shook my head and tried to reassure him. “It’s natural for people to hurt each other in relationships. This isn’t any different.”

“But then that relationship continues into marriage. Then eventually into starting a family.”

“…”

“I’m afraid I will hurt them then,” he said in a low tone, his voice thickening with pain, and I was surprised to see him speak with such a dark expression. I had to comfort him somehow, so I contemplated my words longer than usual before speaking.

“I don’t know why you have such fears…but there is a time limit when it comes to love. If you can’t overcome your fear and you hesitate, your true love might not ever start.”

The important thing was just to start. The process can be transformed through enough effort. “I wish for your happiness no matter who you love. I hope that you will have a little more courage.”

“I never thought I would hear that from you,” he answered.

I smiled. Even I didn’t expect myself to be saying this. What was I doing? For my friend Odeletta’s sake, I should tell him to stay indecisive until the end. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself, puzzled by my own actions.

“Yes, from my point of view, I should tell you to keep hesitating,” I replied playfully.

Xavier chuckled at my joke, and I continued to wonder why he was so passive when it came to love. The novel never explained why. The original story only focused on the war of nerves between Dorothea and Odeletta.

‘I didn’t know there was a backstory here…’

The problem was that I could not recklessly touch such a delicate topic. It was certain to be personal. I paused, wondering if it would be alright to ask him about it, and in the meanwhile Xavier spoke.

“Sometimes I feel quite pathetic. I can’t seem to properly separate the past from the present,” he lamented.

“Not at all, Your Highness. It’s not always easy. Actually, I think it’s great that you’re trying to do that.”

“You always speak well,” Xavier praised.

“But it’s true,” I said with a reassuring smile. “I don’t have much experience, but I know enough to know how painful it is to break away from the past. It’s great that you’re trying it.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

“But from my point of view, I hope that my friend will win your heart.”

Xavier smiled at me, but it was one of sadness rather than amusement at a friend’s joke. I didn’t want to press him to do anything, so I just smiled instead of saying anything more.