Dear My Friend - Chapter 67

Chapter 67 – I Didn’t Say The Most Important Thing

“…Ah,” I gasped.

Claude had suddenly placed his hand on my back and turned me in another direction. Startled by the sudden change, I stared at him with huge eyes. He looked back at me with a smile.

“Were you surprised?” he asked.

“…No.”

That sounded like a ‘yes’. The lie came out opposite of what it intended.

“I apologize. I didn’t show enough consideration,” he said.

“It’s fine,” I reassured in a somewhat trembling voice. “My mind was on someone else.”

“Really,” Claude said, his expression turning envious once more. “Who on earth were you thinking of when I’m right in front of you?”

“Ah.” I decided to answer Claude’s question with a question of my own. “Are you curious?” I replied with a mischievous grin.

“I’m curious,” he said with a nod. “Of course, I can’t believe you’re thinking of something else when your partner is in front of you. It makes me wonder if I’m such an unattractive man.”

“If you knew who I was thinking of, you would be shocked.”

“Who is it?” Claude’s face was visibly tense. I thought fleetingly that he looked cute like that.

I gave him my answer with a large smile. “I was thinking of you.”

It was the truth. I was thinking of how Claude was gentle, friendly, sensitive and handsome. Ah, come to think of it now, it was all compliments, so I felt a little embarrassed.

“What you said earlier…” he began.

I looked up at his eyes, and what I saw left me surprised. His face was scarlet red. All other thoughts flew out of my head.

“You Grace…?” I said tentatively.

Claude blinked himself back into awareness as the sound of my voice. However, as soon as he looked at me, his face turned ever redder.

“What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?” I asked curiously. “Your face is red.”

Seriously, he looked like a tomato that was about to burst. Why was Claude acting like this all of a sudden?

I found myself at a loss of how to continue the conversation, and I ended up making a joke out of the situation.

“Are you thinking of something dirty?”

Claude answered me half a beat late. “What?” he said, and shook his head with an embarrassed face. “N-no!”

“Ah, you just looked like you were thinking about something dirty.”

“No way!”

Fortunately, Claude’s cheeks soon began to cool off. Even though he wasn’t an adolescent boy, he was reacting to these jokes. I found it refreshing for him. I didn’t think it would be weird for me to throw out a joke like that.

“Then what were you thinking?” I asked with a smile.

“…”

Claude was silent at first, and doubt began to creep up in me. Wait, was he really thinking of something weird?

“I too…” Claude began, speaking as slowly as an ant crawled. “I’ve been thinking. Of you.”

I looked at Claude curiously, and his cheeks, which had been slightly pink, were turning red again. I was flustered by the change in his expression. What was this situation now…?

“What?” I blurted.

“I was thinking of you,” he said in a clearer voice and steadier expression than before. Inwardly I was freaking out, but outwardly I kept as calm as possible.

“Were you thinking about how I couldn’t dance?” I said, trying to play it off as a joke.

“No,” Claude replied, shaking his head and correcting my words. “I was thinking about how beautiful you are.”

“…”

Wait, he was talking about…

“Me?”

“Yes,” Claude said with a faint smile. “You’re beautiful, Lady Maristella.”

“…Thank you.” I awkwardly pulled up the corners of my mouth. “You’re being polite, but I’m flattered.”

“It’s not politeness,” Claude corrected again. “You are beautiful.”

“…”

“More than anyone else in this Empire.”

“I’m flattered,” I said again.

My voice managed to remain steady. I could say this even if there wasn’t an ulterior motive. We were friends, and it was natural to compliment a friend’s appearance. It was unreasonable to assume that he liked me.

I cleared my throat and returned the compliment. “You are also wonderful and handsome—”

“More than anyone else in this Empire?”

“…”

I couldn’t help but be flustered when Claude asked if I was comparing him to the same standard as before. I thought about whether he really was more “handsome than anyone else in the Empire”, but I soon realized that I didn’t need to put in the effort.

“The standard of beauty is relative. But objectively, it is clear that you are one of the most handsome men in the Empire.”

“I am not asking about my beauty objectively,” he said as he shook his head. “I wonder how you look at me.”

Why?

“That’s the most important thing. Can you answer me?”

“…Why is my standard the most important?” I asked.

“Because…” He smiled instead of completing his sentence.

My heart continued to pound, like it would explode out of my chest. I was dying to know what the next words would be that came out of his mouth. I might be able to get the answer as to whether he really liked me.

I looked at Claude with a face strained with tension, and he stared at me back. Finally, he slowly opened his mouth.

“Because the lady I am closest to is Lady Maristella.”

“…Ah.”

That’s why.

“I see,” I breathed out exhaustedly. Why did I keep thinking nonsense?

‘I act like someone who wants Claude to like me.’

I couldn’t deny that I was thinking a lot like that lately. Somehow, I felt like I was the only one reacting sensitively when the other person wasn’t reacting at all. I decided to set aside those thoughts, since dwelling on them may cause me to inadvertently blurt out something embarrassing.

After I made up my mind, I smiled at him politely. “It’s the same with me. You are one of the two noblemen I am closest to.”

“Two?”

“Including the Crown Prince.”

“…”

An unreadable expression fell over Claude’s face, but at that moment the music finally came to an end. My movements naturally stopped, as well as my partner’s.

I looked up at Claude with my mouth tilted in a gentle smile. The unknowable expression he had on earlier was completely gone.

“The music’s over,” I said.

“Yes,” Claude replied. “Would you like a cocktail at the terrace? It’s a little hot.”

“Sure.” There was no reason to refuse, and I nodded.

***

Xavier watched the pair walk towards the terrace with a cocktail glass in each of their hands. Xavier’s eyes had been fixed on Maristella for a while. It was a natural attraction to one he liked. As if they were the opposite poles on a magnet that were drawn to each other.

‘He’s shrewd.’

Xavier’s eyes darkened momentarily in displeasure. He never thought that Claude would ask Maristella to be his dance partner first. Because of Xavier’s hesitation, Claude acted more bravely. Xavier didn’t like the other man very much, but he had to admit it.

Apart from that, Maristella and Claude spending time together roused the jealous monster inside Xavier that he was not previously aware of. He wanted to rescue Maristella from the “villain” right now, but he had to think of Maristella’s feelings. If he acted on his thoughts, she would surely be mortified. For now, he had to maintain his self-respect.

Xavier recalled the first time he saw Maristella. It was at his own birthday party. It was a simple meeting. An ornament had fallen off her dress, and he picked it up. Then, he laid his eyes on her for the first time.

‘Beautiful.’

That was the only thought in his head when he first met Maristella. He didn’t believe in the words “love at first sight”, and in fact he loathed it, but, funnily enough, he fell in love with what he loathed the most. The insane and illogical phenomenon of “love at first sight” hit him like a crushing tidal wave.

Even after he parted ways from Maristella, she would not leave his thoughts. He manufactured all sorts of scenarios to keep in contact with her, even if it became more difficult over time.

For someone who valued efficiency, principles and speed it was a ridiculous act, but he couldn’t help it. Anything ‘different from usual’ was all in the name of love. He would pay any price to see just one more smile bloom on her mouth.

‘But I didn’t say the most important thing.’

If he didn’t say it, she wouldn’t know. It was impossible to know someone’s thoughts by action alone, unless one was exceptionally sharp, and even then it wasn’t necessarily accurate. How can one know another person’s true feelings and intentions unless they were a mind reader?

As far as romantic feelings were concerned, they had to be said. But Xavier couldn’t say it. He was afraid he would follow in his father’s footsteps.