Even If It’s Not Love - Chapter 68-1

“Noona.”

And even more to be calling her so kindly like this.

As Yoo-hwa, who was looking into the distance, answered him with a “Yeah,” Seong-woo opened his mouth.

“Noona, do you know my name now?”

“Hm? I know.”

It had been more than a month since they started working together, so it was natural to know.

“I see you know it now. You didn’t know it for two weeks when you started working, so I thought you wouldn’t memorize it at all.”

Yoo-hwa looked at him as if asking what he was talking about, and Seong-woo smiled faintly.

“Was it around 10 days after you started? My father, I mean, the owner told you, “Give this to Seong-woo,” and you stood there blankly, not knowing who I was. You don’t know how embarrassed both me and the owner were. It was the first time I saw my grandmother make that kind of face.”

Seong-woo, who bent down, gave a low laugh.

“Sorry. I’m bad at memorizing people’s names.”

“It’s not that you’re bad at memorizing, you just didn’t do it. You weren’t interested in doing it.”

“…”

She didn’t deny Seong-woo’s meaningful words. Because he was right. However, she wasn’t just uninterested in Seong-woo; she had no interest in anything.

“Noona. Do you know how old I am?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s an insincere answer.”

Every word Seong-woo threw at her had meaning. It was strangely nerve-wracking, so Yoo-hwa sighed.

“… Is there any reason why I should know?”

Seong-woo, who stopped as if he had been caught off guard by her words, gave a low laugh again.

“That’s right. We work together, but we don’t need to know each other’s ages. But do you know? I’m older than you, yet I’m calling you noona.”

“I don’t care.”

As she looked at him as if telling him to do so if he wanted to, the smile slowly faded from Seong-woo’s face.

“Noona.”

Finally, when the expression on Seong-woo’s face had completely disappeared, he called Yoo-hwa.

“Noona Kim Yoo-hwa.”

He called her name. Yoo-hwa frowned at that name.

“Now you’re giving me a reaction.”

“… What do you want to say?”

At her attitude of asking quickly as if she wanted him to leave, Seong-woo asked expressionlessly.

“Noona. What do you like?”

“…”

“The things that make you think that life is fun if you do them.”

Why was he asking such an out-of-context question?

Yoo-hwa turned her head away, shutting her mouth. Seong-woo then asked some random questions. As she answered with silence, Seong-woo closed his mouth as if he had run out of questions to ask. Just as she wondered if he had finally given up, he asked a really sudden question.

“I’m sorry for saying this when we aren’t even close, but… noona, are you happy?”

The question shot right through the middle of her emotionless mind.

“No, do you want to live?”

The question that followed stuck in her mind. When she couldn’t say anything, Seong-woo slowly stood up and looked at the top of Yoo-hwa’s head.

“I know. The fact that I’m acting like this right now can feel very strange from your point of view. But… I just couldn’t let it go, so I asked. Don’t worry. It’s not that I’m interested, it’s just…”

“…”

He kept his mouth shut for longer than before, then repeatedly opened and closed it. As if he could now say what he had to say, Seong-woo, who had been hesitating, finally opened his mouth. Seong-woo’s words melted into the air and disappeared without a trace. But she couldn’t tell.

The reason why the words pressed down on her chest, like there was some weight in them.

Yoo-hwa looked quietly at Seong-woo as he turned around and left.

She remembered what he had just said.

“I’m asking because sometimes you have the exact same look on your face as my sister did before she committed suicide.”

Those words made her feel like her vision was getting darker.

***

The room was dark. A long time had passed before she noticed that. She remembered opening the door and coming inside, but when she came to her senses, she was sitting on the bed staring blankly at the floor. Raising her head, Yoo-hwa looked silently at the faint moonlight on the dark wall. She recalled Seong-woo’s voice, which had been lingering in her mind until a moment ago.

“Noona. What do you like?”

“Noona… are you happy?”

“No, do you want to live?”

It felt like a question born out of pure curiosity, not malicious mockery or ridicule, but Yoo-hwa never answered. She tried her best to answer that question until now, but still, no answer came out. She couldn’t say it accurately. Because she didn’t have an answer to that question.

What she liked to do, and… whether she was happy.

The things she enjoyed now were the things she used to dream of. A cozy home, a life free of harassment, and working on her own to make a living. Living a normal life like everyone else.

But why was her world still gray, when she had met all those conditions? She still felt trapped in a room with no light.

Happiness, huh.

Muttering a strange word that existed but she never enjoyed, Yoo-hwa grabbed the phone next to her and thoughtlessly searched for the word happiness.

[Pleasure in feeling enough joy and satisfaction in life. Or that kind of state.]

It was a vague meaning. Difficult enough to understand.

[How to be happy]

She searched.

She wanted to know.

She was wondering whether knowing how to be happy would make her happy.

Yoo-hwa quickly skimmed through the web pages that appeared on the search. Then, she stopped at a page called ‘Follow along and find out how to be happy’.