Even If It’s Not Love - Chapter 71-1

She recalled the day she left Woo-hyun’s house. After tying her shoelaces, Woo-hyun couldn’t withdraw his hands for a long time. As if trying to prolong the end of their breakup as much as possible. He looked more haggard and exhausted than then, but his face couldn’t let go of his desperateness.

She thought they had parted ways then, but it seems like she was the only one who did.

He still… couldn’t part ways with her.

The strength disappeared from Yoo-hwa’s whole body. She couldn’t stop the tears in her eyes from falling as she stood there.

It had always been a mystery. She was living the life she always wanted, but why wasn’t she happy? Why did it feel strange and distant, as if she were looking at someone else’s life?

Why did her daily life feel like she was wearing her clothes upside down?

Even though it may have been because she hadn’t been living a normal life for long, she thought that was not a perfect answer.

But now that she could vividly feel all her senses, from head to toe, she could no longer pretend to be ignorant. She realized that the life she wanted had changed a long time ago, when hers and Woo-hyun’s bodies rubbed against each other and she heard the sweet words that flowed from his lips.

It was not a normal life that she hoped for, but a life with Woo-hyun.

Her barely standing body staggered. As her legs gave in and she was about to fall backwards, Woo-hyun hugged her. As her face touched Woo-hyun’s cheek, she felt his warmth. It was rough and hot, and even though she wanted to push him away, she was desperate. The gap in her heart kept her longing for him, without giving her a chance. She grabbed Woo-hyun’s clothes with shaky hands. The relief of Woo-hyun being there, the tranquility of having someone hold on to you, and the fact that it was Woo-hyun… It seemed that her mind was paralyzed by the flooding sweetness that was hard to refuse.

It felt like the world was instantly submerged in water. As soon as she felt that everything that was wrapped around her was melting away, old words leaked out without hesitation.

“… Don’t abandon me.”

Her heart was filled with words that she hadn’t said before.

“Because I’m scared…”

Tears filled her eyes and her vision turned blurry. The blurrier it turned, the more she held onto Woo-hyun with all her might.

She always feared the day relationships ended. She feared thinking about someone she could never see again and watching her memories about them fade away, and she feared feeling so stuck that she wouldn’t even be able to cry in front of her dead memories.

So, she wanted to hold on to the people who turned around and tell them not to abandon her. Although she knew she shouldn’t, although she knew it was inevitable to be left alone, she had the impulse of wanting to cling to someone at least once.

She had been enduring it well all this time, but she crumbled when she heard Woo-hyun’s words.

“Don’t wither, you too.”

The fact that to someone, she was an existence that could wither.

So, to someone… She was an existence that they wanted to be alive.

Facing that truth, all the shallow things she had been enduring so far collapsed.

“Don’t leave me.”

Words she had never said to anyone. The words she had never said because there was no one to listen to them, even when she was on the edge of her life, flowed out endlessly.

Afraid he would miss his grip on Yoo-hwa, Woo-hyun held her even tighter.

… Yeah. I won’t, Yoo-hwa. I won’t.

While answering her ceaselessly.

***

As she stepped out of the alley, a bright light pierced her eyes. Yoo-hwa naturally stepped towards the bus stop, avoiding the light.

“Let’s go to my place. It will be comfortable there.”

Woo-hyun said, walking one step behind her.

“No. I want to go back home. I’ll sleep there tonight.”

Woo-hyun’s eyes thinned as if he didn’t like Yoo-hwa’s answer, but he didn’t act stubbornly.

“Then, I’ll take you home.”

Woo-hyun said in return, firmly as if there was no more room for negotiation.

“I want to walk. The wind is nice. It clears my mind.”

“Then we can walk together.”

“You can go first.”

Despite Yoo-hwa’s suggestion, Woo-hyun stood beside her. Like that, she walked thoughtlessly along the road towards the place her feet would take her. The bright flowers along the way and the refreshing and clear wind made her heart relax. She had obviously walked this same path yesterday, but she couldn’t feel it then.

It was a 40-minute walk, but it took two hours to get home. Neither of them wanted to go home, and neither of them wanted to take the other home. Like two people without a destination, they walked and walked as much as they could, and only when their feet started hurting did they head home.

Woo-hyun followed Yoo-hwa to the fifth floor, where her house was located. She didn’t even say that she lived on the fifth floor so she was surprised to see him coming up familiarly as if he was heading to his own house, but she didn’t bother to ask. However, she was sure he would come inside her house when she saw him following her all the way to the end of the hallway, so she stood in front of him. Under the hallway sensor light, she could see his face properly for the first time.