Futile Love - Chapter 131

Chapter 131: Chapter 131
Right after he heard the nanny’s answer, Bipaan headed for the North Palace. Nobody could stop him.

Would he have acted differently around Kyosul if he had noticed the nanny’s nervous expression? Maybe it would have been better for him if he had not.

Bipaan hurried to the North Palace. As he got closer, he felt nauseous. He was confused as to whether his heart was beating or not.

“Crown Princess…”

Discovering her presence there, Bipaan was about to call her but stopped.

She was standing at the end of the road to the North Palace. He saw her beautiful figure that he had been missing so much, but he could not call her.

She was not alone but with Ruhae.

“Long live the Crown Princess! I’m honored to see you.”

“Yuuljin!”

She was calling his name, helping him as he staggered. The moment he heard her pathetic voice, Bipaan felt something was broken and cut in his heart.

Standing still, he looked at her blankly. He was touched by their eyes looking at each other, their expression and tears.

‘How long they have been meeting like that?’

He couldn’t cut in. It was too late.

He emptied himself of the fleeting excitement that had carried him away for a moment.

He felt Providence had not sided with him.

“Perhaps… she is a better match for Ruhae than me. At least…he could treat her warmly.”

Above all, he couldn’t stop Kyosul’s affectionate glance at Ruhae. And she already gave her heart to Ruhae. And he couldn’t force her to stop loving Ruhae.

He was afraid again.

“I just wish you happiness.”

In fact, he had forgotten emotional words like happiness or love a long time ago while he was seeking to succeed the throne. So, it was a kind of luxury for him that he was greedy for her love.

It was only Kyosul who made Bipaan weak.

***

“Is the Crown Princess sick in bed?”

While turning the pages of a book, Bipaan sprang to his feet and asked the eunuch.

Soon after he let the eunuch out, Bipaan could no longer focus on the book and wandered in the office. He was worried, so he wanted to go and see her, but he felt he shouldn’t. He thought that he shouldn’t cross the line any longer.

After so long a time he didn’t want to give her a hard time by stirring her heart.

After hearing that she was sick, he couldn’t concentrate on anything. One week later, however, he finally decided to visit her.

The court ladies assigned to her were so exhausted from taking care of her day and night for one week that they were sleeping, curled up, when he arrived there. Some of them fell asleep around the bed, and others slept against the door. It seemed that the whole Dongbi Palace lost its vigor and fell asleep.

In the darkness of night he opened the door himself, entered the chamber, and approached her. The nanny, who slept lightly, woke up and looked up at him. She was so surprised that she couldn’t shut her mouth. He put his finger on his lips and said, “Shush! Don’t tell anyone that I’ve been here.”

The nanny nodded then left the room.

Now, he and Kyosul were left alone in the room. Distressed by fever, she moaned faintly.

He said, “Don’t be sick.”

He put the back of his hand on her cheeks. As if she liked his warm hands touching her hot face, she slightly tilted her head between being asleep and awake.

“…I just hope you can be happy as you wish. I really wish you could fill what’s lacking in me.. ”

Tears flowed from her eyes. He was not sure if she shed tears because of her fever or heartache.

He wiped her tears and left. Surprised by his unexpected visit, the nanny looked at the door blankly.

***

On the way back from the cabinet meeting, Bipaan stopped by the flower garden for a minute.

He had words with Ruhae, who was chasing him at the moment.

“Have you visited the Crown Princess while she is sick?”

Bipaan couldn’t reply honestly to his sharp question.

Facing him, Bipaan was heartbroken as he naturally recalled their glances at each other.

Although he had already visited her secretly, he could not tell him honestly about it.

In fact, he couldn’t tell anybody about it. If Ruhae found out his affection for her, he would back out voluntarily. In that case, she would be heartbroken.

He didn’t want her to be heartbroken. He just wished she were happy as much as she wished.

“Why don’t you just hug her?”

Bipann’s heart sunk at his suggestion. Of course, he thought about that before. Every night he hugged her in his heart thousands of times. But how could he give her a hug now when she would fear him rather than laugh with him like she did in the past?

“I’m not going to hug any woman.”

Bipaan had no choice but to say so. Instead of fearing him, Ruhae challenged him, upset about his poor treatment of Kyosul.

But Bipaan was relieved by Ruhae’s attitude. He felt that a guy like Ruhae, who could confront him on behalf of a woman he loved, would be a good match for her. Although there were obviously lots of difficulties in the days ahead, he thought he could send her off to Ruhae.

“From now on, I will not call you my brother, Crown Prince.”

With his clenched fists trembling, he turned away and disappeared out of the garden. Bipaan turned his head, suppressing heartache.

Even though nobody watched it, the garden was full of beautiful summer flowers showing off their colorful petals.

Bipaan reached out, touched one of the most colorful and beautiful flowers, and suddenly tightened his grip to crush it.

Like this flower, Kyosul was a frail woman. If she was standing by him, who grew up in the heartless Imperial palace, she would surely crumble like this flower.

‘Good for her. I feel relieved now. ‘

Ruhae would approach her without hesitation and stand by her.

‘Okay. Just go, Ruhae. Keep up the spirit of confronting me and run to her and hug her.

Wrap her in your arms warmly hundreds of times, thousands of times on my behalf. Hug her more warmly and kindly in my stead… ‘

He grabbed the torn petals and brought them to his mouth. The soft petals touched his lips. He wanted to embrace her and love her as much as he could. The fresh scent of the petals tickled his nose. Then, he threw the petals on the ground and left out of the garden.

At dawn one day Bipaan secretly visited the Dongbi Palace. He sneaked into the back of the Dongbi Palace and approached the window of her room next to the bed.

He stared at the window for a moment. He recalled a fine woman who was still asleep beyond the window.

He stood still there shortly, but time passed quickly and the sun shone upon him. Surprised, he placed a flower he cherished on the window sill.

It was a blue flower with dark purple edges, with its petals smaller than nails clustered around each other and wrapped the flower. He tied a small piece of paper to the stalk.

He tried to write something on it all night, but in vain.

He just couldn’t convey his heart to her for the life of him.

Leaving a gift that could not show its owner, he looked back at the window for a long time and turned around when he heard she raised her head.

He escaped from her place lonely.

***

Bipaan decided to focus on his duty. As for love, he was so unfamiliar with it by nature.

As he never wanted it in the first place, he could easily give it up, but that was his misunderstanding.

“Why are the books that I want always on the high bookshelf?”

While he was sitting in the library of the East Palace, he heard a woman’s murmuring.

He quickly got up from his seat and went looking for the voice.

‘What the heck am I doing now?’

He was about to turn around after scolding himself when he saw Kyosul stepping on a footrest dangerously and staggering. Even standing on the footrest, she couldn’t reach out for the book she wanted.

He burst into laughter at her little figure. He was already captivated by her. Hiding himself between the bookshelves, he watched her.

Stretching her hand and standing on her tiptoes, she suddenly hopped up to get it.

“Ugh?”

At that moment, her hand hit the bookshelf partition. As a result, she was going to fall after losing her balance. The moment she lost her balance, he quickly moved right up to her and caught her in his arms.

The short ladder-shaped wooden footrest fell down. He barely caught her in time. The sweet scent of this young woman tickled his nose. His heart sunk all of a sudden.

“Have you found out only now that there is a library in the East Palace?”

As he tried to hide the pounding of his heartbeat, he spoke rather coldly. He could feel that she was tense.