I Don’t Want to Be Loved - Chapter 205

Chapter 205: What She Knew

Rihannan returned back to her quarters. She noticed a letter addressed to her; it was neatly written and signed by the Queen Mother. The letter suggested that she, Rihannan, visit the seasonal palace before winter arrives. At the end of the letter was an extra line written stating that if Igor was against her leaving, it was fine not to visit.

They usually exchanged letters back and forth; it became a regular occurrence. She lifted the pen and began to write, painting the ink on fine paper. She learned a new revelation. The Queen Mother was the same woman Igor described as the monstrous woman capable of poisoning a kingdom mere moments ago, yet she could not shake off the feeling of warm motherhood.

The Queen Mother Rihannan knew was a strict and fearful woman, yet a wise and knowledgeable queen. She threw away her rightful throne and sacrificed her position for the better sake of peace. Arundell would fall in dreary ruins if she did not stop the war.

Rihannan found the truth unbelievably shocking that Igor’s own mother would heartlessly murder her distant cousins without remorse for a dream impossible to achieve.

How much of the happenings in the past that were veiled and how much of it she was not privy?

Gazing at the smooth, textured letter, her clear blue eyes became fogged. The memories of the distant past flashed by and sharply cut her heart apart.

Flashback.

After moving her residence to the seasonal palace, Igor remained true to his words, often visiting her. It was only an hour or so and he did try to delay it for as long as he could. Rihannan was elated. He cared for her and for their child. The thought of it filled her up with a bundle of joy, something she never felt before.

Like always, Igor left the seasonal palace, reminding her that he would visit the very next day. The day came and she waited for his arrival when a letter mail arrived. It was short and concise. 

He was busy and preoccupied. She need not wait for him.

She read the letter over and over again. Somber it was that she was not able to see him, but it was also the first time she ever received a letter from him. The swift and elegant handwriting captivated her and she read through the contents every passing minute. It wasn’t long nor was it meaningful, but it could have. It came from him.

A wonderful thought suddenly came to mind. If he was preoccupied, then why not visit him? It would be a surprise visit. But would he loathe it if she was to visit him without notification? She considered it, but he’d been good and sweet towards her as of recent. 

After much fretting and pacing, she threw away any hesitation left and jumped to the carriage headed for the main palace. She’d gained her courage from him. The kindness and sweetness he’d shown her… it gave her heart comfort.

She never once expected doom awaiting her. The scene she saw once she opened the door was Leticia sprawled on the desk, her legs wide open, and Igor bent over in between. 

Ah… so that was the reason, she realized; the reason why he sent her to the seasonal palace. The rumors of satisfying his urges with another woman while he impregnates her was true…

Hurt and swept with shock, she ran down the stairs with such frantic hurry. Tears corroded her eyes that she could not see forward properly, causing herself to fall down in a flight of stairs before darkness washed over. 

Because of her carelessness, she lost her child and she was thrown inside the cold prison walls. What crimes had she committed? Because she came to see him? For that, she was a sinner?

She lost her will to live.

She willingly took the poison Leticia gave her and took her own life.

Flashback end.

It was all she knew. She remembered it vividly, too. The circ*mstances were clear and true, so there was no excuse he could make. 

Was Igor lying? Creating made up words to have her believe him? Or perhaps he thinks of her as that ignorant girl he once knew?

Rihannan hand slowly clawed together and crumpled the blank fine letter that had no writing on it. She sighed, giving up on writing a reply and put the pen down.

If what Igor said was true, it would benefit Dimitri. He need not worry about the suffering in the future due to carnage and bloodshed. He’ll live a happy and fruitful life.