I Don’t Want to Be Loved

“Yes.”

He nodded his head. Rihannan stared at him with a stunned expression on her face. Igor wanted a successor more than anyone else she knew. It’s hard to think up any royal families willing to give up their successor this easily, when each member of the royal family is so precious. So she couldn’t understand at all why he would make such a suggestion to her.

“Why are you giving me this opportunity?”

“I’ve told you. In the first place, you were forced to be brought over here, so I am now giving you a choice to make up your mind.”

Igor turned his gaze away from Rihannan as he continued speaking.

“I was too hasty in proceeding things because I wanted to bring you over way too much. I mistakenly thought that all I had to do is bring you over here and everything would be fine, and the method didn’t matter at all. But now I’ve realized that I was over my head and that it was a mistake. You had nearly died because of me after all. There is no telling that such thing won’t ever happen again. Therefore I wish to leave the last choice upto you.”

Igor kept his mouth shut tight for a moment before opening them again.

“Choose whether you wish to stay here, or to leave with the child.”

Rihannan’s mind was quickly filled with confusion. She had definitely wished with everything she had to be able to leave this place safely with her child up until not long ago. After collapsing last time, she had even more obessession with the child than ever before. If time passes like this, she may give up on leaving this place because of the child. Therefore if she were to be given a chance to leave this place with her child, there was nothing more she would want.

However, it was also true that his words were shaking her to the very core. She had now found out that everything that had happened in the past was due to different reasons than she had thought. It was at no one’s fault. He was also a victim and suffered heavily through the incident. Perhaps if she now dismisses all that past and be together with him, things will be well.

But what would she gain from doing so?

Rihannan’s vision became blurry. Whenever she sees him, memories of the past will continually come back to her. As long as Rihannan is here, she cannot completely avoid the queen mother either. Even so, Rihannan didn’t want to forever blame and harrass the queen mother for something she literally didn’t do in this life. But it was true that something similar could also happen in the future. As his wife and the queen of Arundel, she will always be exposed to danger.

More than anything, right now Igor is filled with sense of guilt in his mind. Everything that had happened in the past was of his fault, and he’s also blaming himself for what had happened to her just recently.

Guilty conscience, regrets, sympathy and compassion.

Is there even anything else left in him right now?

On top of that, he’s…

Rihannan bit her lip. She lowered her gaze quietly.

“Thank you.”

Instead of being swept up by her emotions, she should coldly calculate just what’s left between them. When she did think about it, a conclusion came out easily.

“I will leave as soon as possible after some preparations then.”

Igor stared at Rihannan with a stunned expression for a moment. His purple eyes shook heavily with shock. When Rihannan saw that the cup he was holding tilted to one side and started spilling tea over his hand, Rihannan quickly tried to speak up but instead Igor spoke while putting his cup down.

“… I understand. Then it would be good for you to try and contact with your relatives in Chrichton before you leave. Even if the crown prince had fallen to that position, the situation still may not be safe enough for you to stay there.”

“I will take care of that myself. You must be busy with other things as well, so you don’t need to worry about me.”

Igor’s lips trembled for a moment as if he couldn’t find to words to say, but then awkwardly nodded his head.

“All right. Go ahead and do that then. Talk to me whenever you need help as well.”

“Yes, I will.”

After the conversation was over, Igor slowly rose from his seat. Rihannan also stood up following him. Just as he was about to weakly turn around, Rihannan spoke.

“I wish for you to no longer feel guilty for what had happened to me.”

Igor’s two eyes blankly stared at Rihannan. Somehow it was hard for her to stare back at him, so she turned her gaze.

“I no longer dislike you, Igor. I am thankful to you for letting me live again and leave this place together with my child.”

“Thankful… Huh.”

As he bitterly mumbled to himself, Rihannan nodded her head.

“You had put in a lot of effort to save my life after all. I will try my best to live a good life from now on. I’m no longer completely alone after all.”

Rihannan put her hand on her stomach.

“Once this child is born, I will only show him the best things and let him hear only the most wonderful things. I may not be able to stop all the darkness in the world from reaching the child, but I’m going to do my best to make sure nothing bad or dangerous will ever get close to the child.”

She then smiled again.

“Even though we both had terrible and unfortunate childhood, I’ll make sure that this child will have a wonderful life filled with love. So please don’t worry.”

Igor stared at Rihannan for a long time. A very subdued voice leaked out from his mouth.

“Okay, Rihannan.”

He slowly turned his back to her.

“I’m sure you’ll do well.”

After he had left the room, all prescence of humans were gone from it.

All that was left inside the room was tea that became cold and a marriage contract. The feint smell of the perfume he always had on himself that was left in the room was gone soon after as well.

Rihannan then finally realized that everything was all over. And that she had now become alone. From now on, she has to get used to living without him anymore.

“It’s fine. No, it will be fine.”

Rihannan mumbled to herself multiple times over and over. In the first place, she had married him for a specific reason. She was now following her plan, that was all. Yes, it had all went well. It was everything she wanted.

But for some strange reason, an emotion that she cannot name washed over her like a tidal wave. Her heart was in pain as if there was a hole in it.

Standing there without knowing what the emotion was, Rihannan shed a tear.