I Lost the Leash of the Yandere Male Lead - Chapter 33

Do I Love You?

I laughed in vain.

Unfortunately, that day hasn’t come, and you’ve been brainwashed.

If I love you, I will be miserable.

Hey.

Even if the jewelry is beautiful and you might be fascinated by it, it was useless if it was fake.

I won’t bother getting it if the jewels are fake.

I’ll just look.

Only the real thing has meaning.

I have no intention of playing with a fake love that will evaporate the moment I release the brainwashing.

“No, it can’t be.”

It is clear that it was an impulsive declaration.

I denied his words.

Alastair also expected my reaction; once he doesn’t have to obey Melford anymore, his love for me will disappear as well.

Alastair would also be at significant risk.

Once she knew his brainwashing was lifted, the Duke of Melford would try to get rid of Alastair before venting her anger on me.

Alastair would be the same. He has an undeniable hatred that cannot be overshadowed by the Duke of Melford.

The puppet who escaped was out of the Duke’s palm, who was once the owner of the doll….

Obviously, they would try to get rid of each other.

This would be predictable enough; probably Alastair himself knew, but I didn’t bother saying it.

As I kept my mouth shut, a sigh burst out of him.

“Let’s stop talking about this, Alastair. We’re just repeating the same things over and over, and it’s not something that can be solved right away.”

“······.”

“And this is just a presumption of I think things will go; if things go as you say, nothing is wrong with it.”

You say you’ll love me even if your brainwashing is lifted?

Then what was the problem?

The brazen and shameless attitude made Alastair lose his words.

“Now it’s your turn to answer my questions, Alastair. Why did you come to the mansion?”

* * *

‘Your Grace, my lady has returned to the mansion.’

The moment I heard that my heart went plummeted.

In an instant, I felt like I was pulled down from the top of a tower, falling down an endless abyss.

Why? I wanted to ask, but I sealed my mouth shut. There are too many unbelievable things to take in, but ‘why’… if I asked that wouldn’t it prove I didn’t have a conscience?

-You tried to kill me. Twice.

Her accusing voice rang in my ear like tinnitus.

It tormented me as if it never intended to let him go.

However, I couldn’t help but think I deserved to be distressed.

I doubted Seri’s words. But I don’t remember what happened the days she mentioned.

I tried hard to remember what happened at that time, but I couldn’t remember anything. Other than a short story that came to mind.

But even that was a cloudy memory.

It was cloudy as if surrounded by fog.

You have to remember it.

Otherwise, I couldn’t do anything right, whether it was an excuse, an explanation, or an apology.

Then Serina left.

She was rattled and scared.

Maybe she will be gone… forever.

Now she could have grown sick of him and hated the idea of seeing him.

He headed for the Duke of Melford’s mansion in a hurry.

To the place he loathed. But he had to hold onto her.

The person who greeted him at the place where he ran hurriedly was not Serina.

‘You’ve come?’

‘………’

‘Looks like you’re here to see Serina.’

Although he left Melford, he never truly escaped. He was still stuck here.

The reason was directly linked to Serina.

‘But what to do? You can’t meet her right now.’

‘……Why?’

Could it be that Serina refuses to meet him?

So what should I do?

If she keeps refusing, should I secretly go through her window?

‘The child is being punished for making her wrongdoings.’

‘Err? What does that mean?’

Duke Melford looked at him with a piercing gaze and smiled.

‘The child is now in the Hall of Hallucinations. She will drink the incense for a long time, so it will be difficult for her to come to her senses for a while.’

The words make me react sensitively.

Serina, who is in.

Hall of Hallucinations.

Incense.

Serina.

He didn’t have a slow mind.

No, rather it was on the pretty good side.

It was natural to understand her words immediately but the Duke’s words and his trauma rattled him, tunnel visioning her meaning and observing himself from above.

‘Thirty minutes have passed since you came. The child will come out in about two and a half hours.’

‘How······.’

Three hours…

‘Stop it.’

It’s a difficult time for yourself too, but the fragrance…

There was no way she could endure it, who had no immunity to it.

What if she goes crazy… No, what if she tries to commit suicide?

If you’re in it, you’re crazy.

I knew it well after years of experience.

I hate to think about it, but in the worst case… it was possible she could die.

‘You don’t want Serina to die.’

If I had the heart, I could break her out by force.

I wanted to, but it was impossible.

Because of the damn brainwashing!

My head hurts badly as if it is about to break.

I can’t even stand straight.

It was a phenomenon that appeared when his heart wanted to attack the Duke and was overwhelmed with animosity towards her.

I had no chance of defeating her in this state.

‘She is not immune. Her life could be in danger.’

All I can do is beg.

***

‘Hmm. I guess since I’ve seen and heard Seri, that child is indeed not immune.’

She didn’t have the eyes of a mother towards a child. It was said she gave birth to her but she was indifferent.

For some reason, the fragrance of the perfumed candles did not work on the Duke.

Perhaps because of that, she could not feel the power of her incense herself.

She could only see when people were in pain.

‘Oh, then how about this?’

She suggested as if she had an interesting idea.

The whole situation seemed to her nothing but entertainment.

‘You go in there, too.’

‘…..…’

‘  You’re her dog, aren’t you? Dogs should be with their owners. If you enter the room, I’ll give you two less time—an hour less. How about it?’

Alastair gritted his teeth.

If you express your hatred for her, the more you’ll feel the pain of your head and body crushing.

‘That’s not a bad suggestion. I’m not going to die for two hours. Even if one of us goes crazy.’

You need to reduce the time!

He was about to open his mouth with the intention of negotiating.

But the Duke was faster than him.

‘Don’t open your mouth. I have no intention of negotiating with you.’

‘……’

‘I’m scolding my child, don’t try to take advantage of it.’

It was just a play of control, showing off that they were all in her palm.

Alastair stared into her gray eyes.

The Duke’s strong steel eyes were unlikely to change no matter what Alastair suggested.

‘…… I promise,’ he headed for the Hall of Hallucinations without hesitation.

And there, I watched helplessly as she gasped in pain.

She was in agony.

There’s nothing I can do for you.

I can’t help you.

He also suffered from seeing various nightmares, but it was even more painful that nothing could be done for her.

Finally, the agonizing time is over.

He hugged her fainted, delicate body and left the mansion with a determination that he would never give up.

Duke Melford simply laughed and didn’t stop him.

He had a hard time understanding what went through her mind.

In his carriage, he waited and waited for Serina to wake up.

He was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to come to her senses after being drunk with the incense.

I watched her with fear.

Only the gentle sound of her breath stabilized him.

When she finally woke up, he was happy

However, in no time, the joy was replaced with the opposite emotion.

When she said, she went through all this trouble to clear his brainwashing. Her life was in danger because of what she was up to.

It was extremely lovely to see her trying to unravel his brainwashing. He doesn’t know how happy he is when she says ‘it’s for you’ with those red lips.

But he hated that she put herself in danger.

The more she tried to release his brainwashing, the more she was in danger.

So Alastair wanted to stop her.

He said,

‘What are you going to do after I’m healed? With your mother’s personality, she won’t leave you alone…… If I do what you think I’ll do, I won’t be able to help you….’

‘I’ll handle my affairs on my own. You don’t have to worry.’

She said, don’t worry.

One phase.

At that phase, he was angry.

How can I not worry?

I love you.

She sometimes— no, she always seemed to forget that.

The future he drew is designed for her.

I can’t even think about life without her.

She seemed to have a contradiction between knowing and not knowing.

“Why are you doing such a reckless thing when you can’t fully anticipate what’s going to happen?”

I always wondered.

Alastair knows how Serina feels about him.

Affection and guilt.

That’s why she does this—at least that’s what she says.

But that wasn’t the Serina I knew. Seri never did anything out of guilt—more so, and she’s never guilty.

Indeed, she’s a woman who values

herself above others, even more in dangerous moments.

So why?

Why are you doing it for me?

‘Serina.’

A wild thought runs through my head.

Love.

Alastair’s love and Serina’s love were different.

When he loves, he would never let the other person go.

He sticks to the end.

But Serina was different.

‘Do you happen to love me?’

Oh My God.

What did I just say?

I was surprised even though I spit it out myself.

What ridiculous nonsense is that?

There’s no way that Serina would love me.

It was simply wishful thinking. It will never come true.

‘No. I can’t love you.’

The answer returned was quick and decisive.

Even though I already knew it, it tasted bitter.

Was it so difficult to pretend to calm and casually reject loving me?

Everything becomes difficult in front of her.

Indeed, if I didn’t love you, everything would be easy.