I Refuse To Be A Flower - Chapter 6

“Hey, are you assigned to this room?”

“…you are, Ancinia?”

“Pardon…?”

Ancinia, who was called, asked back in surprise. She blinked her eyes in embarrassment, although it instead showed her loveliness.

Surprised by the appearance of Ancinia, Pamela struggled to put on a composed look, but unfortunately for her, the beating of her heart wouldn’t calm down.

Breathing hard, Pamela looked at the curious face of Ancinia.

When she found out that she was going back to the past and going back to the convent, Pamela first thought of Ancinia.

A friend who suddenly left her side.

“…it’s the same room again.”

The reunion with a friend, whom she thought she would never see again, reminded her of old memories.

Ancinia was the one who, together with Kleina, reached out to Pamela first.

A dear friend whom she laughed and chatted with.

There was this little joy in her life in the convent, which was like hell, but with the company of her friends she could face it.

There was a time when she chatted and laughed like a normal girl with her friends, even though her life in the convent was hard.

The warmest and most precious time for Pamela came to her again like a miracle.

…maybe, this is an opportunity.

The opportunity for her to change the future so that the same thing wouldn’t happen.

“…I won’t lose you this time.”

Ancinia, who was unable to hear Pamela’s little murmur, tilted her head in confusion.

Pamela made up her mind when she saw her long-time friend who once again became her roommate.

‘Let’s change the future.’

The eyes of Ancinia trembled small at Pamela’s smile.

Then rosiness started to crept up her cheek.

Pamela apologised gently to Ancinia, “…I’m sorry I have surprised you.”

“No, it’s okay, but how did you get my name?”

“….”

Instead of answering Ancinia’s question, Pamela pointed her finger at the old wooden door in front of her. Written on the door was, ’Room 409. Ancinia, Pamela.’

“There was a plate on that door.”

“Ah…..!”

Ancinia, who checked the door plate with my name on it, nodded her head in realisation.

Pamela walked towards Ancinia’s side.

Ancinia hadn’t known Pamela yet.

That’s why Ancinia’s gaze was somewhat uncomfortable when she saw Pamela came closer to her.

Pamela felt like it was their first meeting all over again.

The bitterness of remembering those who don’t remember herself.

‘I want to tell you I came back from the future….’

“I’ll go in first.”

It couldn’t be helped. Pamela had no choice but to familiarize herself with Ancinia slowly.

Pamela turned towards the wooden door.

***

A single room for two was a basic principle for a convent dormitory.

Since rooms were organized randomly, Pamela knew there was a rule, ‘unless there was a special reason, roommates are chosen randomly,’ but she knew it was only a farce.

In reality, the room was divided according to their status, or the mood of the head nun.

Among them, the room on the top floor is famous for its numerous stairs as well as its disadvantageous location at the end of the hallway.

For Cabine, Pamela, the rebellious daughter of a prostitute, was naturally assigned to the smallest and most shabby room.

And like Pamela, there’s another girl who’s a thorn in Cabine’s eye.

It was Ancinia, Pamela’s roommate.

ㅤ

When Pamela opened the door, the door made a harsh, loud creak. She immediately dragged her luggage in.

The narrow room was decorated with two old beds and two small desks. The bed and desk were split in two, centering on the window in the middle.

Pamela naturally laid her bag in front of the right bed she had originally used.

Ancinia, who followed her late, glanced at her and took at the left bed.

‘Come to think of it, of course, I had taken the right bed according to my past life, but am I being a little rude by not asking her opinion?’

“I’ve taken the right bed, is that okay with you?”

“Pardon?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t been considerate of you.”

Originally, Pamela should not have arrived at the convent until tomorrow.

It was because the Earl’s wagon needed some repair.

The actual carriage needed time to be repaired and Pamela was stranded there until the repairs were finished.

And on the next day she was reprimanded by mother Cabine of her late arrival.

“Well, I don’t mind either way!” Ancinia waved her hand, she smiled, brightly litting up her cheeks.

In Pamela’s previous life, Ancinia took the left bed. When Pamela arrived, Ancinia had already unpacked her luggages.

Come to think of it, they took a long time before Pamela and Ancinia shared their first words.

Pamela, who was tardy from the first day, was very intimidated by Mother while Ancinia didn’t have the courage to speak to Pamela first, who gave off a gloomy atmosphere.

About a month and a half later, did Ancinia pick up the pen that she accidentally dropped.

But now everything has changed.

Even this minor change still deviated from the original future.

“Oh and…is it okay if I address you comfortably?”

“Yes, yes!  Sure!”

“Thank you. I’m Pamela, nice to meet you.”

She held Pamela’s hand as she stretched out her hand in the direction of Ancinia.

As they shook hands as Pamela urged Ancinia to call her name. Ancinia’s cheek was stained red with embarrassment, she spoke out in a timid voice, “Pamela.”

It took quite a while to finish organizing the luggage. Not because she had a lot of luggage. It was because Ancinia was chattering away.

Pamela responded with a pleasant smile because she was already used to Ancinia’s chatter.

Most of what Ancinia said was something Pamela had heard before, but since it was Ancinia’s first time telling Pamela thus she pretended to not know anything.

“I’m glad to be your roommate, Miss Pamela.”

“So do I. Miss Ancinia.”

For Pamela, her second meeting with Ancinia began a little differently.

She hoped that their ending would be different as well.

“Let’s get along in the future!”

“Yes, for sure.”

Pamela smiled towards Ancinia, who spoke to her with a bright face.

It was her first day at the second convent.

ㅤ

***

Where Pamilla was standing was veiled with darkness. There nothing could be seen. It was similar to the place where she saw her life after her death.

“Why… am I here again?”

No way, did she die again? Or it was all a dream that went back to the past, and she…

Am I still dead?

[I miss you.]

Again. Someone’s voice came from the air.

[Come on…]

“…God? Are you God? What happened to me? Didn’t I go back to the past?”

[Come and see me.]

The black space was distorted.

Like the previous time when they showed her life, a moving picture flowed in front of her eyes.

I could see a person’s figure dimly in the scene.

I couldn’t see his face well, but I could tell he was a man.

[Wai-t.]

The man was smiling. But I couldn’t see his face.

Pamela’s head began to throb.

“Who…you…who are you?”

[Pamela.]

***

“Miss Pamela. Good morning.”

When I arrived at the dining room, the first person I encountered was Kleina. Instead of the beautiful dress she wore on her way here, she donned a monotonous white dress prescribed by the convent, her elegance remained even with the simple garment.

“Good morning, young miss. Have you finished your meal?”

“Yes, Miss Pamela is a little late. You are a bit gaunt. Did you get enough sleep?”

Kleina scanned Pamela with a worried look.

As she said, Pamela had a strange dream last night and couldn’t sleep well. When she woke up, she couldn’t remember what her dream was.

“My bed is not very comfortable. By the way, I’m not sure if we have any food left.”

“Miss Pamela, luckily we still have food left!”

Ancinia, who was listening to the conversation between the two, said, pointing to the food on one side of the dining room.”

“Who is this?”

“This is my roommate, Miss Ancinia. Miss Ancinia, this is Count Clayna’s Daughter, Lady Kleina. She helped me on my way to the convent.”

“Hello, Lady Kleina.”

“Nice to meet you, Miss Ancinia.”

At Pamela’s introduction, Kleina and Ancinia greeted each other.

“Then I’ll get going. See you later in the prayer room.”

Kleina, greeted gracefully before she left the dining room. Pamela and Ancinia hurriedly ate their breakfast in fear of being late for their first morning class.

“I almost missed my breakfast. I’m sorry to make you wait, Miss Pamela.”

“It’s okay, besides I’m the one who offered to wait for you, Miss Ancinia.”

“…I’ll wake up earlier next time.”

With a guilty smile, Ancinia bowed her head like a sinner. After that, the meal ended very quickly.

Although Pamela could skip breakfast, in case she was late for morning prayer, fortunately she didn’t have to.

The first morning in the convent began very early, as it would be.

“How does Miss Pamela wake up early on your first day?  Even if I live in a convent for more than 5 years, it is always difficult to get up early.”

“It’s just a habit.”

This was her habit of living in a convent.

“Ah… I need to follow your example.”

“…me?”

“Yes, I’m slow and sleep a lot, so I’m always scolded by my mother. She said I was lazy. Even the kids who have been with me for a long time say that I’m frustratingly slow.”

Ancinia, who had practiced silence like a sinner throughout the meal, returned to her original chatter mode when they were heading to the prayer room.

‘To follow me…’

Pamela has never heard of anyone trying to imitate her.

Because her life as a mistress would always be accompanied by someone’s sorrow.

A life in which she must cowardly take away someone else’s man, take away their love, take away their life, all shamelessly.

Such a foolish and shameless life, no one truly envied me.

“Don’t try to imitate someone else.”

“But…”

“I rather imitate Miss Ancinia, than being myself”

“…me? Why?”

“I like how sweet and cute Miss Ancinia is.”

As she looked down, Ancinia’s cheeks turned red. Her long fine eyelashes trembled.

The sweet and cute Ancinia.

She wished she would not change. She wished she wouldn’t leave suddenly and just stay here by her side, like now.

[I miss you.]

It was then.

Swish…

A strong wind blew, and Pamela’s hair fluttered in the air, and something warm enveloped her.

“What’s wrong?”

“What? Well, I think I just heard someone’s voice.”

“Voice? There’s no one here.”

Ancinia looked around. The road to the prayer room is full of building walls and trees. There was only a forest.

What was that just now?

“Are you alright? Should I call anyone?”

“No, you don’t have to. It’s just a feeling.”

Pamela put her hand on my chest.

Under the fabric, her heart was beating wildly.