I Told You I Won’t Love You Anymore

The dawn woke me up. I toss and turn a couple of times as I slowly open my eyes.

Hmm.

I dont realize the time in a room with little light unless the sun is strong.

In addition, I felt refreshed as if I had really slept well and just woke up from a deep sleep. Oh, should I say that I feel refreshed because Im actually dead? Anyway, its been a long time since I last felt no pain, so I was unfamiliar with my lightly moving limbs.

In fact, God may have a hobby of giving final mercy to those who have died. For example, let the dead experience the things they have dreamed of.

Anyway, I slowly got up to my feet, enjoying the refreshing feeling. A good smell came from somewhere.

If a scent has a color, my room should be full of gray, but unlike usual, the scent of flowers like an aurora overflowed. It was a strangely familiar scent, with roses, lilacs, and lilies harmoniously mixed. I focused my attention on the tip of my nose and pondered the reason for my familiarity. Before long, a piece of memory buried deep in my heart slowly came to mind.

A perfume prepared by hand for the newlyweds

Following the advice of my friends that I should be a fascinating bride, I traveled around the shopping district of the capital, Terah, with excitement before marriage. I didnt know that time and effort would all become garbage.

It smells awful.

This was what Leopold said as soon as he saw me at the dinner on the second day of their honeymoon.

My face turned red at the shocking word, so I didnt even look at the perfume after that day. Maybe I barely ate soup for a few days because my appetite was completely gone at the time, what a pity.

I comforted myself as I became sad for no reason and raised myself. When I lowered my leg under the bed, my white slip fell and tickled my calves. I threw the outfit away without wearing it many times.

Having not learned aristocratic manners properly, I didnt know I shouldnt walk out of my bedroom in my pajamas. Since I lived in a dormitory during my academy days, everyone wore the same clothes at the same time, and before that, there was only one ragged rag.

One day, I couldnt sleep, so I went out with only a shawl on my shoulder and walked for a while in the quiet hallway of the mansion. When I reached the second-floor terrace connected to the garden, I called him in an excited voice because I was glad to find Leopolds silhouette.

I see you here.

But looking back at me, he said coldly with a blank face.

Doesnt the academy teach manners properly? Youre out of your mind. Go back to your bedroom right now.

When I was embarrassed without knowing what was going on, he added as if I was pathetic.

Do you really want to hear from my own mouth that its improper for a Duchess to walk around the mansion in pajamas?

Only then did I run away like running to the bedroom in amazement. Ive never envied an aristocrat, but it was the first time I blamed my origin.

I went to the window with a sigh piled up in the corner of my heart. Then, the past that could not be erased cleanly was carried away little by little in a low breath.

If the continuum of death is just a replay of that same kind of experience, I dont want to do it anymore .

Unlike the light movement of my body, the mind sank endlessly and heavily.

As Leopold said yesterday, if we had really just got married, the rest of the day was full of things I would never want to go through again.

No matter how wrong their relationship already was even from the start.

***

(t/n: Ill be switching to 3rd POV from this point on, because FL/narrator keeps on referring to herself/FL in the third person)

The wedding of Leopold Lawrence and Hazel was such an event that even the news of it was passed at the mouths of ten-year-olds from the countryside.

Not only was she a commoner without a surname, but also an orphan who didnt even know her name because she was abandoned by her parents, then suddenly became the mistress of the Lawrence family, which is considered the most powerful of the five duke families of the Empire.

People constantly speculated on how the two of them had formed a relationship.

Rumors such as Leopolds love for Hazel was so strong that he pushed ahead with their marriage against his mothers will; Hazels tiresome pursuit of Leopold wherein he eventually surrendered; or the duke highly valued Hazels abilities and forced the two of them to marry.

Most of the stories were ridiculous, but some of them were true.

The National Academy, where Hazel graduated, is a key institution in fostering talent in the Denharp Empire, where all education is provided free of charge, and anyone can enter regardless of status as long as they have the ability. However, the standard was so high that only a small number of students were admitted each year. After graduation, it was natural to work for the country in the imperial family.

The Lawrence family was the biggest sponsor of the academy, as Mrs. Lawrence herself was absorbed in finding talent. And Hazel knew all too well why she chose me in particular.

To fix her crippled leg.

Hazel decided to treat Mrs. Lawrences leg somehow even when she had never been directly forced to fix it, but it was also the only way to repay the kindness she received.

Her humble status, which was her only weakness, served as a kind of power as Mrs. Lawrence claimed to be her guardian. Most of the nobles were anxious to stay close to Hazel.

Things changed a little as their marriage news went around.

Since he was the Duke of Lawrence, who had refused all kinds of courtship, there were many families who expressed disappointment at the sudden and fast-paced marriage.

Naturally, rumors arose, and public opinion says that Hazel threatened Leopold using her ability. The argument was that the son, who wanted to fix his mothers crippled legs, would not have had a choice.

But the reality is quite far from the rumor.

***

(First POV of FL)

I seemed to be feverish as I recalled my old memories that kept taking over in my head. It was the moment when I tried to reach out to the window to get some cold wind.

Kriiiiik, kik.

I heard a cautious metallic sound a little faster than my movement. Unfortunately, however, the noise was not careful enough, so the main character of the sound suddenly stopped moving.

Who the hell is this so late at night? Its not the time for anyone to come unless I call for them first. I fixed my eyes on the crack in the door.

Soon the door slid smoothly and opened enough for one adult to come and go. The person who appeared in between was really embarrassing.

Leopold?

Why does he keep appearing like a hallucination since yesterday?

Leopold raised his eyebrows slightly, as if he hadnt thought Id be up, and soon skillfully fixed his expression.

And

Good morning.

He greeted me with the kind eyes I had longed for my whole life. Greetings that hes never said during our marriage.

This is what makes me laugh.

I guess Im still dreaming, dont I?

I asked him, exhaling with a little nasal air.

I dont know about that, but I know were on our second day of marriage.

It was an overly confident answer. Enough to convince me that what I see and hear now is an illusion.

Leopold, the one I know, is not a great man to come to my bedroom one after another, and he is not the kind of person who will point out that its the second day of their honeymoon, and above all, he does not put warmth in his voice.

I didnt know what to say, so I just stared at my husband. Then he came up with his eyes slightly closed and explained in a soft tone.

I was going to leave after seeing your face, but I didnt know you were already up.

my face?

I pointed my index finger toward me and asked again, and a relaxed answer came back.

Yes.

Why?

Why? Of course I miss you.

Its all over now.

Gods mercy is probably too much.

I dont want to see you at all. So get out of here.

I kicked out Leopold, imitating his usual cold tone as much as possible. But he stood motionless and stared at me as if he had become a plaster figure.

Yes, I always couldnt take my eyes off him because of those shiny green eyes. Facing his mysterious green eyes, I felt like I could actually smell the fresh forest.

I avoided his eyes because I thought I would be mesmerized again like when I was alive. At the same time, a cold voice rang in my head.

Do you really not know that it is rude to stare at people like that? Im not a person who wants nagging. Tsk.

My face was probably more ripe than the apples of the harvest season in a pin glass.

Leopold was as cold as his burning heart for a long time, so this kind of sarcasm was repeated once in a while when it was worth forgetting.

I pulled myself together and opened my mouth. However, in a dry voice with no height as much as possible so that it does not sound sarcastic.

Its rude to stare at people like that.I believe you are aware of that.

Just because he said and did things that hurt me doesnt mean I want to give it back. Besides, this is just my fantasy anyway.

I firmly turned my back on him and headed back to the window. But what I felt behind me was not the sound of footsteps moving away, but hesitation.

I know, I know, but. Its hard to take my eyes off you. Would you please forgive my rudeness?

What have I been hearing since yesterday?

Forgive me. Leopold is the one who ignores me even if I have to beg for forgiveness.

When I turned to Leopold in surprise, his expression came into view again. A very unfamiliar face, as if to contain ones emotions as much as possible. I dont know if I want to cry or be angry.

Theres nothing more to do than forgive. Im already dead..

Unconsciously, remorse permeated my voice.

Actually, did I want to live a little longer?

I dont know.

Im thinking about that now.

Hazel.

He called my name in a warm voice that somehow made my heart ache.