I’ll Become the Female Lead in this Trashy Webnovel - Chapter 41-1

41. I want to be loved (1)

The light at the office wasn’t extinguished until the clock’s hour hand went past three.

The newly launched trade project and urgent diplomatic issues with neighboring countries made him busier than ever.

Joshua’s arms moved freely under the orange light as he examined the piled-up papers without rest until he finally got to the bottom.

While Macon was sitting down on the leather sofa opposite him while Joshua reviewed some documents, he decided to bring up what he had been suppressing for a while.

He refused to speak up about it for fear that the crown prince would consider it useless meddling.

He really tried his best to resist it but his worries burst out in a sigh. “Why do you go so far?”

Macon’s wrinkled eyes were fixed on Joshua’s arm.

The crown prince would have that indelible scar forever.

Why would such a perfect ruler like Joshua do quite a crazy thing?

He had often used his body as a means to achieve a goal and Macon was convinced that this wouldn’t be the last time he would do this kind of madness.

Still, the indifferent man kept his eyes fixed on the documents and answered unenthusiastically. “I only wanted to be loved.”

Love.

Would he even go this far to achieve the love he desired?

Macon let out a frustrated laugh, his forehead wrinkling.

He remembered the exact moment when he had no choice but to follow such a ridiculous order.

The crown prince’s arms were bleeding as he spoke dully,  “A man was after me and I wasn’t able to catch him. I can’t use my arms in front of Ariad for a while.”

Along with the notification, a piscine scent spread through the office.

Joshua casually handed him a bloody metal fixture as he walked outside, dripping blood while he called the servants.

Macon vividly remembered the image of warm blood trickling from the dagger’s hilt, and again, he glanced at the crown prince’s arms as they moved around on his office desk.

“Love is pointless if you’re just going to destroy yourself, Your Highness.”

Macon didn’t mean to be rude, telling that to his master.

He was merely expressing concern for his well-being.

Even a smart man could be ignorant if he hadn’t experienced something just yet like a blank paper that didn’t have anything written on it.

The crown prince was a man who didn’t know how to love because he had never been truly loved.

“Love, Your Highness, is not earned by doing so.”

After uttering the words he had been holding back, Macon quickly lowered his head after facing his master’s red sunset gaze.

“If you think I was being rude, I apologize. Your Highness.”

“No. You aren’t being rude. ”

Laying the document back on the table, Joshua glanced at his arm.

“I know what it looks like. And, I think I’m crazy enough to do it again.” Joshua’s low voice seemed to echo in the room.

His ever-expanding emotions had transformed into something beyond anyone’s control.

It reached a point where it was meaningless to stop himself.

Although he tried to deny it, Joshua had a vague sense of when this emotion started growing.

He would always lose to the woman who had no idea how he truly felt.

Now that Joshua realized he was in love with her, he didn’t hate the thought of losing.

Unfortunately, there was no way he could get out of this feeling anymore.

“I wonder every day and every moment what craving for someone’s affection feels like.”

“….”

“It turns out that I can just freely express that I want to be loved.”

Joshua wanted to be loved.

Joshua, who quietly repeated the words, grabbed the document again.

Upon hearing his heartfelt confession, Macon didn’t add anything more.

When the crown prince returned to his work, he could only hear the sound of documents flipped over in the hot and dry atmosphere again.

* * *

Mary chattered incessantly during the time she was with her.

So-hee, who barely endured it, wanted to cover her ears.

She forcibly raised the corners of her mouth and said. “Mary, you told me the same story thirty minutes ago.”

“Oh, did I?”

Joshua went out for a business meeting and So-hee, who was left alone, chose to take a walk instead of lying in her room like a corpse.

She had never included chatty Mary in such a choice, but Joshua’s maid was determined not to let her out of her sight

“My brother dreams about becoming a journalist. He says he wants to join the trendiest newspaper these days, but he’s still a top student in the academy. Nevertheless, I think he’ll be able to achieve that dream.”

“You told me that story an hour ago.”

“Oh. What about my second brother? Did I tell you about that too?”

So-hee, who no longer responded, escaped from the garden’s exit leading to a path toward the dense forest.

Since then, Mary’s musings about her pride for her younger brother turned into background noise.

Her current path was now different from the garden but she kept on walking.

She managed to avoid her heels from getting dirty by stepping into the neatly arranged stone floors.

As green conifers surrounded her on all sides, Sohee’s disturbed mind seemed to calm down a little.

She ended up working last night with the crown prince because he couldn’t use his arms.

Joshua didn’t move a hand because Sohee had done her absolute best to assist him.

As she recalled the events last night, she got so embarrassed that her whole body flushed red.

She couldn’t stand the thought of doing it with an injured man, after all.

Joshua seemed to want it, too, but it didn’t sit well with So-hee.

The idea was uncomfortable as if she wanted to do something terrible with a patient.