My Observational Diary of Elena Evoy - Chapter 12

12.
Johann looked at the two alternately. He had so many questions about the club, so he felt that he better prepare a seat in advance for Windsor. But when he opened the door expecting Windsor, his face became as blank as a white paper.

‘Why are these two together again?’

Last time they came to the club together, this time they are alone here together. Once is a coincidence, but it can’t be the second time. He didn’t even want to imagine the possibility of a third time. Johann grinned, barely holding onto his face muscles that were about to be distorted against his will.

“Mark, Elena.”

“Oh, Johann. What’s up?”

What, why, what?

Mark simply asked, but the problem was that to Johann’s already twisted ears, it sounded like, “Why are you crawling to the club room for no reason?”

“I stopped by to ask Windsor something, but it seems I’ve come at the wrong time.”

“Windsor will be a little late today because he has a meeting with the professor.”

“I see.”

“Are you going to wait? We’re done, so we can just leave if you want.”

We? W-we?! The corners of Johann’s mouth, drawing a pretty line, trembled very slightly. Johann turned to Elena, who was about to stand up, “…No, I’ll look for him next time. Oh, Elena. Are you free now?”

“I was going to have lunch. Is it urgent?”

“I need to discuss something with you about our assignment. That’s great. Then, let’s have lunch together.”

“Sure.”

Do whatever. That’s what her indifferent expression said. Johann smiled bitterly at her attitude. Others would sit near Johann’s table waiting for the opportunity to say a word, meanwhile, Elena was doing him a favor, not requesting him.

“We will leave then.”

“Okay.”

Following Johann’s polite greeting, Elena gave a light bow. Mark nodded roughly, too. Looking at Elena’s back as she quietly walked out of the room, Johann and his eyes met. It seemed like Johann smirked just before closing the door.

‘…Something’s off.’

Mark stroked his chin in contemplation. Why do I have an ominous feeling that I’m getting involved in something troublesome?

Johann looked at Elena who was half a step ahead. Her hair in the sunlight glistened with subtle purple color. It’s an unusual color, but it suits Elena well. Come to think of it, her eyes are also the same color. Right? Johann suddenly thought to check that.

“You must be close with Mark?”

“Me?”

“Yes. Aren’t you? I see you guys together often.”

Oh, right.

Elena turned her head to the side, and her eyes were revealed amidst her flowing hair. It is a mysterious color that resembles the evening sky on a foggy day, or a pond at dawn. Johann recalled what Todd said once. ’Elena Evoy? She’s pretty.’ I know he was trying to tease me but he was right. Elena Evoy really is pretty.

“No. I only got to know him when I joined the club. He said he’d give me some notes so I came to get them.”

“Notes?”

“I don’t know anyone, so I was lucky to find someone who had them,” Elena said cheerfully. She waved the notes she received a couple of times.

But then, where else could Elena, who doesn’t have any friends, let alone a senior she knew, get such material? But if she needed something like that, she didn’t need to ask Mark. But if it’s research material, then I have notes better than Mark’s…

Johann, who was contemplating whether to visit Isaac, stopped walking.

‘No, why are you thinking about this? Why? WHY?!’

Isn’t Elena the one who stole my position? I don’t want to admit it, but isn’t she a competitor who already has an advantage? What kind of lunatic gives weapons to his competitor with his own hands?

“Aren’t you coming?”

“Ah, yes.”

However, the starting line between the two of them was too different to be called competitors. As time goes by, Johann will catch up and pull ahead. To graduate from the academy, you don’t just have to study well. One must also focus on extracurriculars, which ultimately came down to personal connections.

Elena Evoy and her connections. A hopeless combination no matter how I think about it. There will be mountains of tasks to do during the vacation, and it would be too overwhelming for her considering the Evoy viscounty’s humble background.

“Elena.”

Johann stopped again. This time Elena also stopped with him. Her face, wondering what it was, still looked indifferent but it didn’t faze Johann’s sympathy.

“Let me know if you need any material, like notes. I have two older brothers who both attended the academy.”

“I’d appreciate it, but…is that really okay?”

“Of course.”

Ah. What a kind heart I have. Johann applauded himself inwardly for his generosity. He could give her anything but the one who laughs at the end would be Johann. Johann smiled with such a warm face as if he had embraced the spring breeze.

Look, Elena. I’m so charitable.

“Johann.”

“Huh?”

“Thank you.”

Elena tapped Johann’s arm lightly. Johann hardened like a stone at the sincerity in her touch that could not be conveyed with words.

“Let’s go now. We’ll be late.”

“Yes.”

Unlike Elena, who turned around immediately, Johann was still frozen. After a while, as he took a slow step, Johann touched where Elena touched his arm. He felt hot as if set on fire and his heart was pounding.

‘I should see a doctor.’

My pounding heart isn’t calming down at all. Johann followed Elena, still touching his arm. A warm wind blew past their ears.

No noticeable abnormalities were found. All symptoms point to accumulated fatigue.

There is little to no indication that the symptoms are linked to heart disease.

Johann looked at the doctor’s diagnosis disappointedly. The concise report speculated that Johann was very healthy and, if there had to be a reason, it might simply be fatigue. He prescribed medicine for fatigue, but he didn’t seem to be concerned about his health.

Johann doubted if the Duke of Pertan’s doctor was a quack, but his brain rejected the idea. Unlike his heart, his brain didn’t want to be pathetic anymore.

‘It’s not heart disease, not competitiveness. Then what?’

Johann Eldorado Pertan was not a fool. In fact, he was the complete opposite. Bright, excellent, intelligent. That’s what Johann had heard countless times since childhood and that was how he was known.

Yes, the problem was that Johann was not an idiot. Although he kept turning a blind eye, Johann knew exactly what his matter was.

The uncontrollably beating heart, the trembling excitement that flowed just by looking at her eyes, and his heart that fluttered by the slightest of her touch. And only one person was causing these sensations.

Only an idiot would not know even with this clue. Again, Johann was not an idiot but another problem arose here.

‘No.’

Johann shook his head violently. The 17 years spent living rationally were enough to judge right from wrong. And that judgment made the following conclusion very easily:

A very simple conclusion that Johann Eldorado Pertan has nothing to gain from having Elena Evoy in his heart. Furthermore, he’d gain nothing but lose.

Johann, as the third son of the Pertan family, had received many benefits. It is no exaggeration to say that he was born with a golden spoon.

But Johann was the third son. The third son with two older brothers above him. Even if he fails to inherit one of his father’s estates, he could live comfortably as a viscount. But he wasn’t the first child and he wasn’t the second either.

Johann was the third son who grew up under his father, constantly being reminded of his position. His father, the ultimate victor of the struggle over power with his brothers, hoped that the mistakes of his generation would never happen again. So the third one should remain as the third. Johann had to live with these words etched into his heart.

‘I’ve done well until now.’

While trying to maintain his position as the third son, Johann had always suffered from the compulsion not to fall behind. What was to be given to Johann, the third son of the family, was already set. The same was the case for how much excellence Johann could reveal. Even if I can do more, I can’t show it off, and all I can do right now is to wait for time to pass. All that Johann could do was to prepare for a better future.

So what Johann needed now was to gather people who would support him. Like Bellissa of Count Yorcy, who owns a large gold mine, or Bach of Marquis of Hansen, who is famous for his trade enterprise.

So at some point, he would need people to help him shine when he drifts away from Pertan’s glory.

Elena Evoy was nothing. Her humble lineage was from a Viscount with nothing to their name, and they didn’t even have the honor to maintain a façade. To this day, no one cares about the first Viscount, who was said to be a great wizard back in the day.

Even if things went well with Elena Evoy, there was another problem. His father, the Duke of Pertan, the highest of nobles, would not approve of their relationship. He’d probably bring up my deceased mother.

So if this feeling is a seed, I should get rid of it before it sprouts. And it just so happens that it’s the perfect situation.

‘Because it’s just unrequited love.’

At last, Johann came to terms with himself. A bitter smile came out on its own. But it was true. Elena Evoy has no feelings for me. It was a one-sided feeling, so I should be able to clear them up myself.

In that case, it shouldn’t be so hard. He just has to deny them.

***

One of Johann’s many strengths was his ability to carry out his plans. He grew up doing only what he was told, so maybe it became natural to him.

They say, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’ After deciding to give up his unrequited love, Johann avoided Elena as much as possible. And he realized one thing in the process.

‘They weren’t coincidences.’

Our encounters, which I thought were coincidences, it was all in my mind that I see Elena oddly frequently. It was actually me following her unconsciously. I found it strange at first. How is Elena the only one I keep running into in this huge academy?

“Johann! I’m seriously going to die! I can’t think of anything. My mind feels empty.”

“Bellissa, calm down first. Now, think calmly.”

“Ugh, okay.”

“Don’t try to remember it all at once, but step by step from the start until recently. You can do it, right?

As soon as he entered the classroom, Bellissa, who was in tears, ran to him. Today was the quiz for Professor Harper’s assignment. Bellissa, who hated sitting down patiently to memorize, seemed worried because she found the assignment ridiculous.

“Hoooo. Anyway, Jayseph keeps asking me ridiculous questions. How on earth would I know what the last line of page 691 is? Do you know, Johann?”

“…….”

Johann, who had been quietly appeasing Bellissa, paused. He remembered something from Bellissa’s complaints.

“Which war is mentioned in line 3 on page 777?”

“Froighton II’s War of Unification, Pilate’s War of Conquest… Wait a second.”

“I thought you might know the answer.”

In Bellissa’s words, Elena asked a “ridiculous question” but Johann answered casually. I thought we can’t ask such questions? Elena’s smiling face stopped Johann from asking her that. Only then did Johann realize that Elena made an unusual joke.

“Johann?”

“Oh, yes. Right. That’s a tough question.”

“You think so too, don’t you? Ugh!”

Bellissa groaned as if she was annoyed thinking about it. Johann nodded as if he were sympathetic. He actually didn’t even hear what she was saying. He was having a hard time trying to focus his eyes in front of him.

I’ve been trying so hard to stay away from her for the past week. But she still popped up in my mind like this

“Good morning, students. I hope everyone had a good dream last night.”

While Johann’s brain and heart were struggling, Harper entered the classroom. Unlike most students who were not looking well due to cramming, Harper’s face was shining bright. He smiled broadly at some of the students with dark circles around their eyes.

“I hope nobody tried to memorize this thick textbook overnight. If you did, then I suggest you leave this class.”

He made a joke for everyone to laugh at, but no student laughed. Harper looked around the classroom with a relaxed expression and knocked on the table a couple of times.

“I’m sure you all know that it’s useless to give you any more time now. We’ll start with the student’s I will call now, please come forward. It’s time to assess your hard work over the past month.”

The test began in a heavy silence.