Paranoid Love Affair

Yoon-woo had to admit that he had a lot of fun on Sunday when he watched the movie and ate curry with Hyerim and Jieun.

Which memories of the past can be compared to that day? I couldn’t find the single memory even if I scrutinized my past.

The family’s dinner table, which Yoon-woo dreamed of, eating and washing dishes together, existed only on TV.

It’s not that I’ve never eaten with my parents.

But it was just three people eating in the same space.

They ate their share, washed their dishes, and disposed of their own garbage.

[So how was your day, Tofu?]

“The movie she wanted to see was Inside Out.”

[Oh, really? It’s a masterpiece. But it’s been a long time since it went down from the cinema.]

“There was a rerun near the school.”

[How was it? Was it fun?]

“I was so embarrassed because I cried…….”

[It’s okay, Pixar makes movies where parents cry after taking their kids to show them]

“I’m glad to hear that, but…… Oh, that’s right. I barely spent the money you gave me. I’ll give it back to you. Can you give me your account number?”

The only money Yoon-woo spent that day was his money for the ice-cream.For coffee, Hyerim and Jieun paid for themselves.

It seemed there would be no problem if I returned 50,000 won to Bunny now.

[Tofu.]

“Huh?”

[If you tell me you’ll give me back the money one more time, I’ll get really mad]

“Huh…….”

[Are you not going to see the people you went out with today some other day? You’re going to have to hang out or go eat with them again, so please keep some extra money.]

“Will that ever happen?”

[Why won’t it? I think at least one person is interested in Tofu. She’s going to ask you to play again.]

“I’m telling you, it’s not…… Come to think of it, I barely talked today. I cried while watching a movie. Wouldn’t everyone feel that I was a boring person? Don’t you think I shouldn’t have called you?”

[Tofu is not a boring person. I’m having fun.]

“That’s because you are nice.”

[Aren’t they nice then?]

“No…… it’s not…… well….”

[Sometimes it seems you try and make things worse on purpose.]

“Because it’s safe that way.”

[Safe? In what way?]

“If I live looking forward to another day like today and if it doesn’t come……”

[What if a day like that doesn’t come?]

“Then…… I will be sad. It’s easier not to expect anything from the start.”

[But it’s not guaranteed that a day like that won’t come, is it Tofu?]

“No.”

“Actually, it usually goes worse than I imagine.

[But I think…….it won’t happen so this time.]

“I’ll just think it’s over for today. From tomorrow, I’m going to live a life of eating salad and canned tuna alone.”

[If everything goes worse than Tofu’s imagination…….]

[I’ll go play with you.]

I was grateful for Bunny’s words, but I was actually afraid to meet Bunny in person.

She’s so nice to talk to him right now when she doesn’t know what he looks like, but after meeting, what if she doesn’t like how he looks or acts?

What if she stops talking to him on Kakao talk?

Life has always gone worse than I imagine.

The only positive outlook Yoon-woo has about his life is that he will not be alone when he dies.

But if Bunny abandons him…….

Unlike Bunny, I was not looking for someone to die with.

However, after spending time with Bunny, the bud of expectation was growing in my heart.

Life has been very painful so I hope I’m not alone at the end.

I really wish I had someone to do my last wish with me.

Yoon-woo’s anxiety was growing day by day in response to such expectations that he would not be abandoned even if he tried to throw them away.

“Thank you. By the way, Bunny, there’s something I really wanted to tell you today.”

[What is it?]

“Shouldn’t you get a control on your drinking? I’m worried about your health.”

[Is that what you want? ……I’ll try.]

Yoon-woo thought he should stop Bunny from drinking even though he can’t control her as strongly as Hye-rim.

You have to be healthy while you’re alive.

* * *

The next morning, just before the economics expert class was over, the second task problem and the first task submission score were revealed.

The perfect score was 10, but Yoon-woo and Hyerim scored 11.

The professor had declared that he would give extra points to those who did a particularly good job on the day of the group forming.

“Wow, Yoon-woo did this alone. We got extra points. I think we’re the only ones who got it.”

“It was just a matter of calculation and the solution was too small, so I solved it in three ways and the professor gave it extra points.”

“Oh, no wonder, I understand the problem, but the process of solving that you used was very unfamiliar. What Lagrangian…….”
[ Lagrangian: The Lagrangian function is a technique that combines the function being optimized with functions describing the constraint or constraints into a single equation. ]

“It’s just nothing. After all, it’s the same method in another way.”

“I feel like I’m being carried by you. What should I do?Oh, yeah, I’ll buy you lunch!”

“Don’t do that. The score for the assignment is not that high. And you already got coffee and macarons last time for the same assignment.”

You can’t get a gift twice for the same work.

“Well…….then…I’m going to eat with Ji-eun. Do you want to come? I’ll just buy coffee after we eat.”

“Thank you, but the salad I ordered in advance is still in the fridge… I have to eat it. I don’t want to throw it away.”

“Oh…. I see.”

In fact, it was an excuse I could say last week, but I couldn’t refuse Hye-rim because she had to eat alone because her friend changed the plan.

It was clear that it was a bigger job to eat with someone like Hye-rim who had to eat alone rather than throwing a 2,700 won salad into the trash bin.

And in fact, it doesn’t matter if you put vegetables in the refrigerator for a few more days.

But things are different now. Hye-rim has made an appointment with Ji-eun anyway.

They’ll be fun without Yoon-woo.

It hasn’t been long since we decided to speak casually to each other.

Despite the fact that they can be as professional as possible, Hye-rim had been narrowing the distance between Yoon-woo.

Yoon-woo was scared.

Yoon-woo was not scared about the fact that Hye-rim would think he had evil intentions.

The weekend that he spent with Hye-rim and Ji-eun was so fun, he was scared of that joy.

Bipolar patients are said to be at a higher risk of suicide than depression patients.

Depression patients always feel down.

Although it is hard to move under the heavy crushing pressure which makes the emotion sink to the bottommost, there is also a comforting sense of stability under that pressure.

Yoon-woo was also feeling comfortable at the bottom of the deep sea.

‘It’s okay because I’m going to die anyway.’ ‘It’s okay if people hate me.’ ‘It’ll all be over when I die.’

Bipolar patients, unlike depression patients, have irregular mood swings.

It splashes up from the water like a flying fish sometimes, and at some point it suddenly hits the bottom.

If you fly on the surface of the water, and then fall quickly again to the bottom of the sea, you will bleed and twist your whole body from pain. And that unbearable pain would result in your death.

Yoon-woo accepted death, but he didn’t want to live such a torturous life.

So you shouldn’t raise your head for no reason.

Don’t look up.

You must not face the surface of the water.

And the fun weekend was grayed out as he thought it over.

‘Why did you choose Kiki as your favorite movie?’

‘Don’t you think he’s a pervert who likes little kids?’

‘Why did you let Ji-eun pay for the drinks on the spot? Come to think of it, didn’t she look bad?’

‘Wasn’t she annoyed that the drinking party was cut off on the way because of the weak drinker, Yoon-woo?’

‘Why would he say that he’s jealous of Riley?’

Both of them suddenly shut up.

‘Why did he say he’d trim the curry ingredients when he hadn’t done it before?’

‘He was so clumsy that we had to tell him to sit still.’

Maybe only Yoon-woo had fun.

Without Yoon-woo, the two pretty and cute ladies might have had more fun.

No, I’m sure it would be more fun without me. I ruined their day.

Hye-rim invited you to a drinking party first, right?

Ji-eun booked a movie for you first, right?

That’s right.

Because they suggested it first, Yoon-woo kept his manners until the end even if it was not fun to not ruin the atmosphere.

So you have to stay as usual.

You should not change your attitude towards Hye-rim and Ji-eun.

Nothing has changed in my life.

“Where’s Yoon-woo going now? Gym? Library? I’m free right now. Do you happen to…….”

Hye-rim asked Yoon-woo, who woke up from a sound sleep after the modern business class.

“I have to go to the laundry. Coin Laundry.”

“Huh? You didn’t do it at home?”

“The one in my room doesn’t work well… I should have done it yesterday, but I forgot.”

“I see…… Well……”

“Then goodbye, Hye-rim.”

“Huh? Wait a minute!”

“Huh?”

“Do you have salad for dinner?”

“That’s right.”

“Alone? Every day?”

“……Yes.”

I was wondering what you were going to ask, but I didn’t know you were an insider who would confirm that I am a weird person even before I was leaving.

This one was a little heartbreaking.

“But last week, you ate at the snack bar I chose with you, didn’t we eat with Ji-eun on Saturday, and on Sunday…… Then do you eat salad at home?”

I don’t know why you’re showing so much interest in salads.

Is Hye-rim trying to order salad, too?

“I didn’t eat it then, so the rest of the salad is a little past its expiration date. That’s why I have to eat quickly.”

“Why do you eat something that’s past it’s expiration date?You have to throw it away, Yoon-woo!”

“Uh… It’s good to eat. And it’s hard to throw it away as I’m a little low on my living expenses.”

“Then you know what…… I’ll treat you to dinner, because I’m the one who made you throw that salad away. What do you think?”

“That’s not true, Hye-rim, thanks to you, I got some tteokbokki and had a great weekend, but I won’t throw away the salad because of Hye-rim….”

If there is someone who thinks like that and asks Hye-rim to buy a meal, he must be an extremely antisocial person.

“I’m really fine, so you don’t have to care. The last time I ate something was a week old and it didn’t get me sick, okay?”

Hye-rim is a person who really cares about others in detail.

I can’t believe you’re going to buy me a meal at lunch because of the extra points for the assignment and the salad that’ll pass the expiration date in the evening.

As expected, being a real insider doesn’t mean just being pretty or handsome.

People who really follow don’t miss such a trivial consideration from the other person’s point of view.

Isn’t “Goonja” what Confucius used to say a true insider in modern times?
[ Goonja: You can search here.
Meaning an exemplary person.
http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2011/01/confucianism-and-korea-part-ii-what-is.html?m=1%5D

“Then see you on Wednesday, Hye-rim.”

Hye-rim bit her lips with a look of displeasure and waved softly at Yoon-woo.

[So you refused to let her have a meal with you just to eat the salad? Our nicknames are wrong. It’s not me who is Bunny, it’s you.]

Yoon-woo was sitting on a blanket, folding his laundry, plugging in his earphones and listening to Bunny.

Many of the residents do not fold the laundry and use the drying rack in their rooms, but Yoon-woo’s room was too small to even open the drying rack, so dry laundry had to be folded and put in the closet.

In fact, Yoon-woo likes to organize his clothes and put them in.

“I can’t believe I’m eating salad, too.…. But I really couldn’t help it because of the food expenses.”

[What about the 50,000 won I gave you? I gave it to you to eat food.]

“Since you gave it to me I can’t use it carelessly…….”

[No, then when are you going to use it……? I told you to eat something good, but you didn’t. It’s my fault, I should have sent 500,000 won to buy it. Should I send it now?]

“Oh, no! No, no, no, no way!

[I can’t even do that? Why?]

“Then how would Bunny eat?”

[Tofu… Why do you think I don’t have money? I know your account details, so I’ll just send it to you right away. Even if you don’t eat with someone, eat something delicious by yourself. Something like chicken.]

“If Bunny sends me the money, I won’t spend it until you take it back.”

[Why? Tofu… We’re supposed to die together anyway, so it’s meaningless for me to save money, right? Can’t I just send some money to you to eat meat and chicken for your own good health?]

“I’m going to die anyway. Why does it matter whether I eat delicious food or not? More than that, I don’t want to talk to Bunny while feeling indebted.”

[Debt? Debt? I’m just giving it to Tofu as a gift]

“Even if you gift meI feel burdened. I don’t want to be with Bunny like that.”

To Yoon-woo, a gift that someone gave to him felt like a kind of debt to pay off someday.

[So you don’t spend that 50,000 won because you think it’s a debt?]

“……So I want you to take that back too.”

[You’re so… Hah, Tofu is a really, really difficult person.]

“What’s difficult?”

[To win your heart. It’s always like an iron wall.]

“Ah, what? Come on.”

Such a saying is established on the premise that there is someone who wants to have Yoon-woo’s heart.

There has never been anyone like that.

The price of goods without demand is 0 won.