Paranoid Love Affair - Chapter 21

There are people who like to drink too much.

Especially in their early 20s, there are quite a few people who are just looking for a reason to drink their brains out because it feels so good to be drunk with anyone even without a reason.

And almost all such people have one or two dark histories caused by alcohol.

One of the common mistakes such people make is they get overconfident in their capacity to consume alcohol.

The amount of alcohol you can consume varies depending on what kind of alcohol you drink and how you drink it, and there is a big difference depending on the condition of your body.

A person who drank three bottles of soju and was still in good health could fall over with two glasses of beer in one day.

Drinking alcohol on an empty stomach, drinking right after getting out of a sauna, drinking when very tired, drinking on a very bad day, drinking on a very good day or drinking after exercising vigorously. When you drink in these conditions, you should be aware that you are not in a normal condition to drink and should drink carefully.

But today, Ji-eun and Yoon-woo both had various problems.

First of all, the lamb skewers that she and Yoon-woo ate were her first meal today.

I couldn’t eat breakfast or lunch because I was making a fuss over buying new clothes in the morning.

So, my stomach was empty, but I took one shot of soju on an empty stomach to suppress my excitement, so I started getting drunk a little faster than usual.

In fact, she was a very strong drinker, so that wasn’t a big deal.

On some days when she was in good condition, she could walk home easily even after drinking more than 3 bottles of soju.

Ji-eun is good at drinking any kind of mixed alcohol, but she doesn’t like beer or makgeolli with low alcohol content, because it makes her full before she gets drunk enough.

Still, that didn’t disrupt her usual drinking parties since she tended to eat according to what others asked her to eat.

Even after drinking like that, Ji-eun did not have a dark history due to alcohol.

Strangely, if Ji-eun drinks too much alcohol, she gets up and goes home saying, ‘I’m sorry, I have to go home now.’

In that case, Ji-eun would calculate and pay for her share the day after, so no one would say anything to her.

And even on the days she wasn’t that drunk she would calculate the price of her share, so it was often the case that the people who drank with her felt sorry, so they counted the money she had to pay separately the next day and send it to Ji-eun.

Is spending money for alcohol a dark history of Ji-eun?

Still, because of that personality, most people had a crush on Ji-eun.

The real problem was that Ji-eun was getting drunk a little quickly since she was excited, so she forgot to look after Yoon-woo.

Ji-eun, whose head was filled with various thoughts, could not afford to think that Yoon-woo drank less than a bottle of soju.

Yoon-woo’s mood has been bad since yesterday because of the incident with Bunny.

His psychiatric medications consisted of morning and evening pills and just before going to bed, but the doctor told him not to take the drug all day when drinking.

While his mood didn’t subside clearly, Yoon-woo, who became anxious just by the fact that he forgot to take medicine and exercised more than usual in the morning.

So, he was very tired both physically and mentally.

“How are you, Yoon-woo? Do you know why lamb skewers are a side dish? There is a slightly greasy feeling when you eat it, but soju subsides that greasy feeling!”

“Yeah, it’s really delicious. Thank you, noona.”

“Huh… …. It’s okay. If you want, they serve dumplings as a service, and that’s great too… ….”

Ji-eun was happy. She had a sense of achievement that she succeeded in selecting the menu, and it was good to see Yoon-woo eating lamb skewers for the first time.

I was happy to make a sound from clashing glass to glass with Yoon-woo.

The human mind may not always be described in one word.

Romantic feelings are more difficult.

Some people call it a loving couple just because a man and woman walk together, but the word love encompasses too many different situations and different emotions.

There are people who change the ones they meet frequently, but can it be said that their romantic feelings are the only romantic feelings? I don’t know.

You can’t fully comprehend a person’s feelings unless you become the other person.

Since you can’t take your heart out and measure it, you can’t collect, analyze, classify, or quantify instances of the emotion of love.

Therefore, only God knows whose heart is light and whose heart is heavy, which heart is true and which heart is false.

For example, among Ji-eun’s friends, there is a girl who cries while drinking with her every time she breaks up, even though her boyfriend changes very often.

On the other hand, there were also friends who had broken up with the person they had been dating for several years and were still indifferent.

In the world, there is such mournful love and also indifferent love, Ji-eun accepted them without much thought.

She didn’t know and didn’t need to know the details.

Since her mother’s death, Ji-eun had never had such intense emotions.

She had no interest in other people’s love affairs at all.

That would be something they had to figure out by themselves.

If there were ten people, there would be ten types of love.

No matter how many times you date someone, you only have one view of love.

She cannot judge other people’s love by her own standards.

The human heart is very difficult to understand.

The heart of a weeping friend may actually be infinitely light, and a humble friend may feel the pain of having her guts cut inside.

It is not easy to see who thinks about love.

Perhaps, they are unaware of one fact.

Even a very heavy and sincere heart may last for only a very short time.

Even Ji-eun’s father might have loved her mother sincerely for a moment.

In that spacious house, where even her father had left, and where the happy scenes of the past are scattered like afterimages, and now she is all alone. Ji-eun thought about such things.

After thinking for a long time, she realized that it was no use for her to think alone.

No matter how much she thinks about it, she doesn’t know what other people think.

So, to Ji-eun, dating was someone else’s story, and it was just an excuse to drink. ‘Did you end up dating him? Then you should drink!’, ‘Have you broken up? … … . Then you should drink!’

So, the excitement she feels now looking at Yoon-woo was of great confusion to her.

Even though it was her own heart, she couldn’t tell if this was just a light impulse or a heavy craving that she couldn’t put down easily.

The thought that Yoon-woo might not be disappointed with her appearance kept lingering in her mind.

Yoon-woo always had a serious face and seemed to be thinking about something, and to him, things like Ji-eun’s short and thin physique or Hye-rim’s attractive body didn’t seem to matter very much.

Surprisingly there might be a very small possibility that some people are at the root of other people’s desires.

‘This person might really like me’, ‘This person might recognize me like this.’

Maybe people want to hand themselves over to someone.

However, if the other person does not accept them completely, they try to change themselves by throwing away some parts and keep only some other parts, and even those parts might get thrown away by the other person someday, leaving only a ragged and pitiful state of themselves.

So, they may be looking for someone who accepts them as who they are.

Ji-eun, who had no dating experience, did not know how to deal with such feelings.

As much as Yoon-woo felt lovable, she also felt guilty for Hye-rim.

She thought that she should not express her feelings for Yoon-woo in front of him.

But Hye-rim… … . Even if Hye-rim loves Yoon-woo… … .

Ji-eun’s motto was, ‘If you don’t know what to do, drink first.’

If she’s drinking and chatting and having fun, that’s fine.

With that in mind, she drank alcohol while toasting and shouting ‘Ting ~’, but Ji-eun did not notice that Yoon-woo, who was not good at refusal, was drinking the same amount of alcohol as her.

Four bottles of soju piled up on the table…….

“Yoon-woo, you know…What kind of woman is Yoon-woo’s ideal type?”

Such a topic that ordinary Ji-eun would never have talked about came out of her mouth, whose self-control was loosening.

“Huh? Didn’t Hye-rim also ask this before?”

“Huh? Did Hye-rim ask?”

Even after drinking two bottles of soju per person, Ji-eun’s face color did not change, while Yoon-woo’s eyes and neck were red and his pronunciations were getting unclear.

If it were usual Ji-eun, she would have noticed it earlier and sent him home with a chocolate milk, but she was having fun drinking with him, so she continued the drinking party without stopping the conversation.

“Anyways, what kind of girl do you like?”

“I don’t know. Because I’ve never thought of being in a relationship……. So, I never think about it.”

“Then think about it and tell me.”

“Huh?”

“You may have to go out with someone someday. Why do you have to think about it now?

“Uh… Why…”

“Hurry up.”

“Hmm…Maybe, a girl who likes me?”

“There are a lot of girls like that. Aren’t there, Yoon-woo? So, you like those girls?”

“No, there’s no one like that…”

“I’m sure there are. Haven’t there been many so far?”

“There wasn’t a single person. Really.”

Ji-eun was also quite drunk.

Maybe she was drunk to create such a mood.

The fact that there has been no woman who has dated Yoon-woo so far, and expectations for a very small possibility that Ji-eun’s first relationship may be Yoon-woo’s first relationship have taken away her calmness.

Such expectations made it impossible to notice Yoon-woo’s facial expression getting worse. Ji-eun, who recognizes other people’s feelings and boosts the atmosphere of drinking well, didn’t know that was a topic that Yoon-woo is very reluctant to talk about.

“That’s weird… Hey, are you going to date anyone if they like you?”

“No.”

“What? That’s different from before.””

“That’s… There’s no way someone I don’t know would like me, right? They probably don’t know me properly and like me.”

“Even so, can’t you just meet once? You can break up if you don’t get along while dating.”

“If someone likes me, I will definitely like her, so I won’t ask her to break up first. Then… I’ll have to slowly watch her leave when she hates me more and gets tired of me which I don’t want to face.”

“If you think like that, how can you date someone? You punk…….”

Even though Ji-eun had never been in a relationship, such words came out of frustration.

“That’s right. I can’t date. So, I’m shy to talk about this. There’s no one who likes me anyway.….”

“Hey, then what if… there’s someone…. Who really likes you……? And she’ll continue to like you until you say no, but if you dump her for such an incomprehensible reason, wouldn’t that be unfair to that person?”

“There’s no one like that.”

“No, just pretend there’s someone! You’re an economics major, right? Don’t you know that virtue of accepting family as a heart? Otherwise, we’ll stop talking.”

“Oh, yeah…”

Accepting family as a heart was an essential virtue of the economics department.

It is a famous joke in economics textbooks to answer, “If you find canned food on an uninhabited island and there is no can opener, what would you do?”

Most economics classes also say, ‘ Do you think the assumptions are out of sync with reality? So what? It’s how to be different from others. If you aren’t satisfied, then transfer to another major.’

“So, you can accept anyone who will continue to like you?”

“Who has a lot in common with me?”

“Oh, my. Is it about your appearance?”

“No, not that. Just thoughts and environments…….”

Anyone who is not loved like Yoon-woo, who is too lonely every day, who is alienated from her family, who is afraid of the sun rising tomorrow morning.

If she is such a person, even if she finds Yoon-woo’s shortcomings, she may be generous. Like Bunny…

“Really? Hmm…Isn’t there a saying that similar people fight often? It’s called homophobia……. There’s a saying that most people go well with different people from them.”

That’s true. Even Bunny may be lonely and difficult, but Yoon-woo was always taken care of by Bunny. She always talked a lot, and he only responded like a rat.

She may have been getting tired of Yoon-woo because he couldn’t give what she wanted.

“Is that so? That’s possible.”

Then, in the end, it is concluded that there is no one who likes Yoon-woo.

The love story that college students like is too hard to continue for Yoon-woo.

Now it may be Yoon-woo’s turn to ask, “What kind of man is your ideal type?”

Ji-eun may be waiting for him to ask that.

However, Yoon-woo didn’t want to talk about this anymore.

‘If I go home right now and make a voice chat with Bunny, will she forgive me?’

I acted so badly yesterday…….

If Bunny decided to ignore Yoon-woo from today…….

‘Similarities? It’s not about appearance. Let’s move the height.…. What are the similarities between Lee Yoon-woo and me? Department of economics major? There are more than 1,000 economics departments. Thoughts? Environment? First of all, I don’t know him very well. Hm…’

Ji-eun, who was thinking like that, looked at Yoon-woo, who became quiet, and finally noticed that something was wrong with him.

“Huh? What? Yoon-woo? Are you… crying?”

“Huh? No, I’m not crying.”

“Why are you crying… Hold on a second.”

Ji-eun takes a handkerchief out of her arms. It was the same at the movie theater, but Ji-eun habitually carried a handkerchief.

However, when she sat next to Yoon-woo and reached out to wipe his eyes with a handkerchief, Yoon-woo tried to avoid Ji-eun’s hand, and he turned over the soju cup.

Soju spilled on Yoon-woo’s pants.

“Oh no… Why are you avoiding me? If you spill something and drop it, you’re drunk no matter what.….”

“I’m sorry…”

“What do you mean you’re sorry…But there…Why are you crying? What mistake did I make…?”

“No…”

Ji-eun wiped Yoon-woo’s eyes first with a handkerchief and wiped off the thighs where soju spilled.

And only then did she think of what mistake she made when she saw the piled-up soju bottles.

“Come to think of it, you cannot even drink a bottle of soju, can you? But I think you kept on drinking at the same speed as me while making cheers.… This is troublesome. What should I do? Yoon-woo, are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“I don’t think it’s okay……. Let’s get up quickly.”

With that said, when Ji-eun got up, Yoon-woo also followed her to get up from his seat.

Fortunately, it wasn’t to the point where he couldn’t walk, but he couldn’t walk straight forward and stumbled.

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re about to fall.… Yoon-woo, hold my shoulder and walk. Hurry up.”

“Yeah… Thank you. Sorry, I can’t drink well.….”

“No, I should’ve paid more attention to it. I made you drink too much……. I was too excited…”

Throughout the way to Yoon-woo’s room next to Shin-Hyang Hospital, Yoon-woo bowed his head and walked hard while taking Ji-eun’s support.

Ji-eun felt guilty that Yoon-woo had been drunk until this point, while she could not deny the strange feeling of satisfaction rising, feeling Yoon-woo relying on her.

I thought I would like Yoon-woo to continue to rely on me like this.

Whatever Yoon-woo always has with a serious face, if it were me, I could accept it and understand it.….

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