Paranoid Love Affair - Chapter 22

“Yoon-woo, are you okay now?”

“Yes, thank you noona.”

Ji-eun has been drinking non-stop for the past two years and has seen a lot of drunkards, but Yoon-woo’s capacity was lower than the weakest she had seen.

His reddened face quickly turned white, and I don’t know why he was crying, but the tears soon stopped.

He still stumbled a bit, but his gait was much better.

After arriving at the building on the left-side of the hospital where Yoon-woo lived, Ji-eun put Yoon-woo in front of the stairs to his bedroom, and quickly bought two chocolate milk bottles from a nearby convenience store and gave one to Yoon-woo.

Yoon-woo and Ji-eun sat side by side on the stairs and put a straw in the chocolate milk.

“But Yoon-woo… … . Why are you crying? If there’s anything that bothers you, please tell me anytime. Don’t be uncomfortable. I’m drunk, so I talk nonsense a lot when I’m out of my mind… … .”

“No, I just got drunk and had a bad idea. I’m not sad. It was fun thanks to noona.”

Yoon-woo’s tone was somehow stiff, as if reading a script.

Ji-eun really thought that even if she made a mistake, Yoon-woo wouldn’t say anything.

There are a lot of people who are crazy because they talk nonsense when they are drunk, but Yoon-woo’s usual defensive attitude did not disappear even when he got drunk.

There was a little expectation that Yoon-woo, who had got drunk with a flushed face, would talk more openly, unfortunately, no such thing happened.

‘I should have fed you more food… … . I feel bad for nothing… … . Why the hell am I so unlucky? What did I do wrong? Ah… … .’

Looking back, it seems that I was the only one excited.

It was embarrassing to ask a question that crossed the line in excitement without even looking at his expression.

What if he is reluctant to drink with me in the future because of today?

I had already drunk all the chocolate milk so there was no reason to hang around in front of Yoon-woo’s apartment anymore.

Yoon-woo also drank all the milk and bowed his head without saying a word.

She should apologize in the morning for making a mistake.

From now on, she will never do this again, and she will take care of Yoon-woo, who is not good at drinking, so she will refrain from recommending alcohol.

‘I’m sorry, so should I offer to buy you some hangover soup for lunch? The image of a drunken noona must be renewed… …’

Ji-eun thought like that, and after seeing Yoon-woo entering the room, she was going to walk home to break her drink.

She thought about drinking another glass of vodka over a dry snack in the refrigerator to soothe her troubled mind by slowly sleeping. However, contrary to Ji-eun’s thoughts, Yoon-woo was far more insane than it seemed.

“Did you have a hard time today? I’ll be more careful next time. Hurry up and go to sleep…. … .”

“Uh… … ? Where are you going, noona?”

“Huh? Where am I going? Of course, to my apartment. And, also to get a drink.”

“Ah… … . You’re going home… … . That’s right… … .”

‘Why are you doing this all of a sudden? Why are you looking at me so sadly?’

Yoon-woo’s tone and expression seemed like he was regretting Ji-eun going home.

Even so, there was nothing Ji-eun could do for Yoon-woo.

If you ask Ji-eun where she is going, it is said that she will undoubtedly go to another restaurant for another round.

It would be wise to bring myself home, think straight and go to bed early.

“Uh… …Anyway, shall we see each other tomorrow at Hye-rim’s house ?”

“Uh? Do you… … . want to go now?”

“… … Why? Do you want to go for a second round? In my opinion, your condition right now is too bad. Go to your room now.”

“No, that… … Oh right. Can’t I take noona back to your home?”

‘What? Why is he doing that? Are you flirting with me now?’

Looking at Yoon-woo’s usual attitude, Yoon-woo was not the type to make such a proposal first.

Judging from the way that he was drinking and talking earlier, he didn’t seem to be the aggressive towards women type of guy. Then this is definitely alcohol.

He said that sometimes he turns into a different person when he drinks.

I thought he was a strong drinker because he drank well as usual until halfway through, but suddenly, as if he had been drinking alone, he suddenly changed.

Even if the color of his face has returned, it is highly likely that Yoon-woo is in the same state now.

Because the kid who staggered even after drinking just one bottle of soju had drunk too much today.

Even if he’s seemingly fine, it’s unlikely he’ll break his shape in just a few minutes.

Still wanting to walk me home… … . Do people usually say this to their boyfriend or girlfriend?

From what I saw at the drinking party, those words were often told only as a mask of consideration.

It’s a different story to take someone who’s really in a state of not being able to go home alone, but now Ji-eun was the fine one and Yoon-woo the drunk one.

Maybe she is in his heart… … . So when he’s drunk, his heart… … .

‘No, why are you listening to the drunkard? Again, don’t make a mistake by thinking about nothing, and do your best as a senior.’

“Walking me home… … . I’m grateful, but you’re not in that state right now. You can’t even walk properly. ”

“No, it’s okay now, I’ll walk well, really.”

Saying that, Yoon-woo got up from the stairs.

He sure looks better than before, but his eyes are gloomy and his gait is a little unsettling.

“Ah… … . What’s okay? You’re still staggering… … . Go on in and sleep.”

“… … Then only halfway through. Can’t I?”

“Why are you insisting on doing this… … ? You don’t want to part ways with me like that?”

“… … Huh”

“Uh, huh? Well… … .”

‘Is he the kind of guy with such a drinking habit? He really shouldn’t be drinking… …’

I had a puppy at my house when I was young.

His name was Garlic and he was of Spitz breed, but he liked Ji-eun so much that every morning when she went to school, he would whine and cry.

However, the puppy that her parents had raised before she was born was quite old, and its lifespan came to an end when she was in the lower grades of elementary school.

At that time, she thought while crying profusely.

I should’ve missed school a few days and played with Garlic more… … .

After that, she was sad because of this, so she never kept animals again.

But now, looking at Yoon-woo, funnily, it reminded me of Garlic.

That pathetic expression that tells me not to leave it alone… … .

‘Ah, I don’t know.’

“Then um… … . Let’s go.. … . You have to hold my shoulder and walk carefully like before, got it?”

“Okay, I get it. thanks.”

Yoon-woo put his arm around Ji-eun’s shoulder as before, but unlike before, his movements were careful and there was not much weight on her shoulder.

As she was short enough to touch his chin, it felt as if she had become Yoon-woo’s crutches or staff.

But now that Yoon-woo carefully put his arm around her shoulder, it was as if he was walking half-embracing her.

Just in case she thinks something strange again, ‘This bastard is just a drunkard right now’, she repeatedly told that to herself.

It takes about 20 minutes to walk to Ji-eun’s house, but it took about 30 minutes because Yoon-woo’s pace was slow.

As they were walking together slowly, Ji-eun asked Yun-woo.

“Yoon-woo, you, but why did you suddenly say that you would come to walk with me? Do you really want to drink more? Or did you just want to walk? Otherwise… … .”

“No, I just don’t want to go into the room.”

“You don’t want to go in? Why?”

“The room is too small… … .”

“Yes, your studio is a little different… … . But, you usually live there, don’t you?”

“Some days it feels particularly cramped. It’s like being in a washing machine.”

“Washing machine?”

Ji-eun thought that Yoon-woo chose a pretty witty expression.

Isn’t it usually compared to a rabbit’s den or an ant’s den?

However, Yoon-woo did not choose a metaphorical expression.

“When I was a kid, when I got into the house with my clothes dirty like this, I had them put in the washing machine.”

“Uh… … Not your mom? You put your clothes by yourself into the washing machine?”

“Huh.”

“Who?”

“Mother.”

“Your mother.”

“Huh. If I had to think about it.. … . My mom didn’t do anything. I had to do it myself. And, sometimes, when I was watching the washing machine, it got hard to breathe, and I thought that if someone pressed the button, the water would quickly fill up and I’d drown… … .”

“What? … … . what kind of… … .”

She tried to say what kind of parents he had, but she thought it was rude to speak badly of other parents, even if they were bad parents.

Because she doesn’t know what Yoon-woo’s parents are to Yoon-woo.

“So I was very scared… … . These days, sometimes I feel that way even in my room. So, there are times when I can’t breathe. As if the room is gradually getting smaller… … . Especially yesterday and today… … .”

‘Do not drink alcohol and take medicine today.’

But when I got home, I felt like I should ignore the doctor and take medicines.

I thought that maybe I would swallow all the medicine I had collected little by little.

So, Yoon-woo was more afraid to go to his room.

He went into the room and was afraid of what would happen if Bunny didn’t answer.

As I was drinking the chocolate milk earlier, I checked and found that there were no messages from Bunny.

It may not be the time to wake up for her yet or it may be.

I was thrilled to hear that there was one unread kakaotalk, but in a group chat room with Hye-rim, Ji-eun, and Yoon-woo, Hye-rim said, ‘Is everything okay? Are you still drinking?’

The message was left unread for now. I couldn’t afford to answer that.

It was emotion and impulse, not reason, that ruled the drunken Yoon-woo.

He was afraid to go home and try to contact Bunny, so he was afraid to even enter the house.

Also, like yesterday, he had hallucinations of the house getting smaller and smaller, he felt like he was going to die choking and suffering.

So, he clung to Ji-eun while drinking, without even knowing who he was talking to.

“Hey… … . That being said, I’m telling you to go home… … . What do we do? We’re almost at my home already… … .”

“It’s okay, I’ll walk alone for a while and then I’ll go back on my own. Thank you, noona.”

“Why don’t you sleep at a nearby motel? I will give you the money.”

“No. You don’t have to. Really… … .”

“You say I don’t have to… … Just looking at you it doesn’t look like you’re going to get into the house properly.”

“It’s really okay. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’ll go home. Goodbye noona.”

“… … You have to go straight home, okay? When you go in, let me know that you have arrived.”

“Okay.”

Saying that, Yoon-woo turned around and his steps were still staggering.

The back of Yoon-woo walking with his head down and looking at the ground was shabby.

Seeing that, Ji-eun didn’t take her mind off easily, so she stood staring at Yoon-woo’s back for a long time.

It was a rough guess that Yoon-woo was a person with emotional problems, but Yoon-woo, who was drunk, seemed even more anxious.

Judging from his usual personality, he was by no means a person who confided such things with a sane mind.

I think I’ve seen the abuse of locking a child in a washing machine a few times in documentaries, but I remember most of it being a stepmother.

But if your biological parents do that… … . She thought that he might be a more mentally ill person than he appeared.

It’s the first time Yoon-woo drank alcohol like that. Will he really be able to go home safely?

If he goes alone and falls and gets hurt… … .

If he avoids traffic signals and has a big accident… … .

Even if he gets to his house safely, if he is alone at home and gets an anxiety attack when he is drunk… … .

Bad thoughts filled her mind slowly.

Thinking about her mother’s death, Ji-eun couldn’t leave Yoon-woo alone.

If Yoon-woo was sent back like that, it seemed that she would not be able to lie down comfortably.

As soon as she thought of that, Ji-eun ran to Yoon-woo and grabbed Yoon-woo’s arm.

“Ah, I can’t help it… … . Hey, follow me.”

“Uh? Noona? Why… … .”

“Shut up and follow me. That’d put my mind at ease.”

In the end, Ji-eun brought Yoon-woo to her house.

She handed Yoon-woo, who was bewildered, her spare toothbrush that she had purchased in bulk, and sent him to her bathroom to wash and clean.

In the meantime, Ji-eun gathered up the clothes scattered around her room and shoved them into her closet, then went to the kitchen and poured a glass of vodka into the glass of wine.

‘It’s not like I had any intention to lure him… … . As a senior, I put a pitiful junior to sleep at home because of my consideration for my juniors. A lot of people are like that, right? Although, I haven’t heard a male junior and female senior…….. Ahh…. whatever… I don’t know’

While Ji-eun’s mind was in a state of chaos, Yoon-woo came out of the bathroom.

His hair was wet with water, and drops of water ran down his cheeks and glistened on his chin.

“Hmm. Have you already washed up before coming out?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have any clothes, so I just washed my face and washed my hair. But can I really sleep here? It is a little… ”

“It’s okay! Go to my bed over there and sleep!”

“If I sleep over there, where are you gonna sleep?”

“I’ll take care of it, so don’t worry about it and get going! There is a hair dryer next to the mirror in my room, so dry your hair! There is also lotion in front of the mirror, so find it and use it in moderation!”

“No, but sleeping in noona’s bed… … ”

“Hey, didn’t you come in already? Shut up and go to sleep!”

“Uh… … okay. Thank you noona for taking care of me like this.”

“Isn’t this what it’s like to be a senior……?”

‘What do I do? What should I do?’

Ji-eun, who sent Yoon-woo to her bed, couldn’t stay calm.

The only man who lay on that bed was her father.

It’s the bed originally used by Ji-eun’s parents.

Has Yoon-woo ever slept in someone else’s house?

It’s the first time the two of us drank together, and it’s not like we’ve been living together forever, right?

Then he would never sleep in a woman’s house, would he?

Ji-eun, who had all kinds of thoughts swirling around her, knew there was only one way to calm her confused mind.

So, Ji-eun took another one-shot of her vodka without any snacks and went into the bathroom.

But in fact, although she said that, this wasn’t a very good idea.

The more she drank, the weaker her self-control got and the easier it got to be swept away by her impulses.

Ji-eun, who came out of the shower, quietly dried her hair outside the room, fearing Yoon-woo might wake up.

Originally, drying my hair was bothersome, so I slept without washing my hair on the days I drank, but today I was careful and washed my body thoroughly.

I applied body lotion and changed into neat pajamas.

Meanwhile, Yoon-woo never woke up.

Did he fall asleep or faint from alcohol?

‘… … Why are you so awkward even when you are sleeping? … .’

Upon entering the room, Yoon-woo was sleeping in a very pitiful position.

The bed where my parents slept in the past is very spacious, but for some reason Yoon-woo was lying on the edge of the bed, his hands put on his stomach, his legs stretched out in a straight line, and he was sleeping like a person lying in a coffin.

This left room for two more adults in the bed.

Could it be that he left space for her to sleep next to him?

Ji-eun sat on the bed and looked at Yoon-woo.

The alcohol was slowly coming up now, and Ji-eun’s gaze at Yoon-woo had a strange urge.

Yoon-woo didn’t get up even after she poked him on his cheek.

Anyway, Yoo-woo must have never done anything with a woman until now, but if Ji-eun does anything here… … .

Whatever it is, isn’t it the first time for Yoon-woo?

If that happens, how will Yoo-woo react?

Wouldn’t he like it?

It reminded me of Amelie Nothomb’s novel “The Enemy’s Cosmetique”.

[T/n: It’s a real novel. You can google it. I found this out after reading this novel. But, it’s good.]

Textor Texel, a disgusting sophistry who appears there, tells the logic that “I am willing to commit crimes against you because I love you.”

The main character gets angry and curses at the logic of Texel, but in fact, Texel was a manifestation of the secret desire in the heart of him.

Everyone wants to deny that they have no such feelings, but that desire exists in everyone a little bit… … .

And, now, Textor Texel began to whisper in Ji-eun’s ear.

Maybe Yoon-woo needs the logic of Textor Texel instead? Yoon-woo says he can’t think that other people will love him.

Yoon-woo said that if a person loves him, he will love her too.

If so, wouldn’t he change his mind when he finds out that she can be the object of those feelings and desires?

If he finds out that there is someone who wants to have Yoon-woo while ignoring his will, won’t Yoon-woo fall in love with that person?

Ji-eun’s hand, which was stroking Yoon-woo’s cheek and hair, turned to Yoon-woo’s lips.

Yoon-woo’s breath mixed with the smell of alcohol tickled her hand.

If Yoon-woo opened his eyes, she would pretend as if she was joking, but he did not even react let alone waking up.

Even his sleeping face somehow looked depressed.

If there is a soft smile on his face that matches the voice, and if that smile turns towards her… ….

Ji-eun’s heart beat faster at that thought.

Her face gradually moved closer to Yoon-woo, and she moved towards his face slowly and then the distance between their faces was less than a finger’s width.

Yoon-woo’s warm breath leaking from between his slightly gapped lips touched her lips.

How long will he sleep? No matter what she does, will he still be asleep?

Her thoughts swirled around, and she couldn’t stop her urges.

It was then….

♪♬Baby Shark! Too,Too, Too!Baby Shark! Too,Too,Too! Baby Shark! ♪♬

‘Oh, I’m surprised… … . Make sure the sound rings low as well. … .’

Ji-eun got up, startled by the sound of her phone ringtone, so she hurriedly looked for her cell phone, fearing Yoon-woo might wake up.

She suddenly woke up, as if she had been splashed with cold water, because of the cheerful commotion that flowed from her cell phone. Otherwise, the mood that had dominated her just before will continue.

She wanted to pound her feet, thinking about what she had just done, and what would have happened to her if she had continued that.

Still, she actually had a little bit of regret. If only her cell phone hadn’t been ringing… … .

“Hello?”

The cell phone she was looking for was on her kitchen table, where she was drinking her alcohol earlier.

And the caller… … .

“Oh, Hye-rim….”