Paranoid Love Affair - Chapter 30

Someone opened the door of the laundry and ran towards Yoon-woo.

In Yoon-woo’s distorted view, it was difficult to determine who was running towards him.

Is this even a person?

Maybe it’s the man-eating cockroach aliens I saw in alien movies before?

A terrifying appearance with dripping mucus from the glossy black jaw… … .

Even so, it was fortunate that the other party opened the door.

It might be easier to breathe for him if the digestive juices filled within this laundry leak out through the open door.

And if the other person is really a cockroach alien, and if the alien eats Yoon-woo and leaves no body, that is the form of death that Yoon-woo most desires now.

As if Yoon-woo hasn’t existed, even a single piece of bone disappears cleanly… … .

The truth is, I wish I wasn’t a person from the beginning.

I wish I hadn’t been born.

After Yoon-woo disappears, the few who have contacts with Yoon-woo will soon forget about him, and after a few years, it will be in a state very similar to that where Yoon-woo did not exist in the first place.

It’s going to be like this anyway, so why did I live 20 years enduring?

I’ve been thinking about that for 20 years, but my 20 years old body must have been a bountiful meal for the cockroach aliens.

Suddenly, the figure was standing behind Yoon-woo’s back.

Though he had accepted death in his head, thinking that the monster standing behind him was, Yoon-woo’s body shrank in fear.

How painful would it be to be chewed alive?

In that movie, did the cockroach monster eat people alive or after killing them?

I do not remember.

Even though his body was already in a state where he couldn’t move freely, as he withdrew from the monster, the center of gravity of Yoon-woo’s body shifted to the side of the chair.

Yoon-woo’s body was leaning more and more and it looked like he was about to fall off the chair.

It was fortunate. If he falls down from his head and gets a concussion, he won’t feel the pain of being chewed alive.

However, the other party did not let Yoon-woo fall.

The alien that Yoon-woo thought held him firmly from behind to prevent him from falling off the chair.

If it dares to catch Yoon-woo who is falling, did the cockroach aliens eat people alive?

However, the texture on Yoon-woo’s face was neither hard jaw nor sticky mucus.

The soft texture of the fabric felt from the way it embraced Yoon-woo’s face, and the hard-strength muscles behind the fabric… … .

Ah, this guy is giving his arms so much strength to hug Yoon-woo!

It was definitely a person.

The smell of the other person’s body mixed with the scent of soap and coffee was fragrant.

A regular heartbeat could be heard in Yoon-woo’s ears since the other person’s chest was located near Yoon-woo’s head.

“I’m a bunny, Yoon-woo. It’s okay.. It’s okay now.”

“Huh… … but… … ”

“It’s okay, everything is fine, so don’t worry. Now, breathe slowly, don’t breathe so quickly… … .”

The bunny covered Yoon-woo’s eyes with one arm and patted Yoon-woo’s shoulder with the other hand, repeating the words ‘It’s okay’, ‘Breathe slowly’, and ‘Relax’.

To Yoon-woo, the current bunny felt like a mother holding her baby tightly in her arms and comforting her to stop crying.

If I go back to my childhood, has my mother ever been like this?

At least not in Yoon-woo’s memory.

In Yoon-woo’s life, a mother’s deep maternal love was like a 42-pyeong apartment in Cheongdam-dong, Gangnam.

Surely, some people live with it as a daily routine, but no matter how hard they try, they can’t be incorporated into Yoon-woo’s life. This gear doesn’t mean anything as much as blowing air into a broken bike tire, so I don’t even feel envious… … .

The sense of relief Yoon-woo felt in the bunny’s arms was something he had never experienced before.

Perhaps he had a similar experience in his newborn infancy, but it was an experience that had already disappeared from his memory… … .

Tears came out, but even those seeped into the sleeves of the.bunny’s clothes that covered Yoon-woo’s eyes.

I was ashamed and sorry to think that the bunny would later check the wet sleeves.

In the mind of a person, various emotions form an ecosystem, and they grow and shrink while fighting with each other. But, there seems to be a limit to their fighting, too.

When a new force of emotion enters and establishes a foothold, the existing force is bound to weaken.

I don’t know why, but the bunny eventually came to me, and the body temperature of the bunny hugging him, the scent of the bunny, the sound of the bunny’s heart… … .

Suddenly, the power of fear and horror slowly lost power in Yoon-woo’s mind.

The thumping sound of the washing machine gradually diminished.

To be honest, how could a washing machine make that kind of noise?

Even if it sounds like that, it’s just that the washing machine is broken. All you have to do is call the owner of the laundry.

Come to think of it, the other day, the laundry man had written a piece of paper that said the washing machine was broken, and then called the company and got angry. ‘If it breaks again, I will cut it with an axe! Damn washing machine… … .’

Thinking of that scene made me laugh. Suddenly, breathing and heart rate returned to normal.

The bunny was still hugging Yoon-woo from behind, but when he came to his senses, it was too embarrassing.

Surely there must be CCTV in this laundry… … .

Because of people who secretly leave their garbage in the laundry and run away at night, there was a time when the owner of the laundry had a large print of the crime photographed by CCTV and posted it on the wall to warn.

He is a man with a lot of kindness.

“Are you okay now, Yoon-woo?”

“Yeah, thank you. I’m fine now… … . You can release me now.”

However, the bunny pretended not to hear Yoon-woo’s request to release her arm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t go in the morning… … . No contact… … . Refusing a gift… … . But I know how you live, how can you give me a gift card? Rather, I want to give you a present… … .”

“… … Why didn’t you come? Also… … Because I’m not the person you thought I was? Or, you got tired of it a long time ago… … .”

“No! Never for that reason.”

“Then why?”

Well, for one reason, Yoon-woo thought, the fact that the bunny is here right now doesn’t make any sense.

The situation in which she was hugging Yoon-woo like this was also strange.

How the hell did she know that Yoon-woo was here?

“In fact… … . I went to the appointment before you.”

“Uh? But, there was no one in the bakery ?”

“I was outside. If you doubt it, I’ll show you a picture. I took a picture of you out the window. … … I know this is voyeurism, but… … . I’m sorry… … .”

“It doesn’t matter, why were you out there? Why didn’t you come? I see. You’re also disappointed to see me… … .”

“No! Not disappointed. Yoon-woo is really handsome like this, and the way you read books seriously is cool… … . Yoon-woo, you are a much nicer person than you think!”

“… … Are you saying that even when you look at me right now? Alone at the laundry, I made a fuss about what was scary… … . And, now showing like it’s all gone… … . ”

“I think Yoon-woo like this is also lovely. As long as it’s okay to hug you, I think it’s okay to keep doing this.”

“… … Really? Do you really think so? Aren’t you kidding me?”

“Of course.”

“Then why the hell were you out there!?”

“I was afraid to go out in front of you and show myself. And it still scares me. That’s why I keep covering your eyes.”

“Uh? Why? What are you afraid of?”

“I’m scared of how Yoon-woo will actually react when you see me.”

“I’ve said many times that I really don’t care. No matter who you are, if you really don’t disappoint me when you see me like this, I’ll love you too.”

“I’m afraid of that.”

“Uh? ·… … What does that mean?”

“I’m also afraid that the me that Yoon-woo thinks of and the real me are so different that you will hate me. But I’m also afraid that Yoon-woo will blindly follow me, who is not disappointed in you.”

“Why? You said you wanted me to like you.”

“In the morning, I was contemplating whether to go inside or not, but I saw one girl greet you?”

“Why are you talking about that all of a sudden? … … I’m not friends with her at all.”

“She wants to be friends with you.”

“Absolutely not.”

“No, that’s right.”

“You said you were outside? Didn’t you hear us talking?”

“Yoon-woo, didn’t you even see her face? Can’t you see what kind of face she has when she speaks to you and how sad when she goes back?”

“You got it wrong. She always looks down on me. She wants to enjoy what makes me miserable.”

“No, I didn’t see it wrong. I’m right. Otherwise, why would she look in the mirror before talking to you? Why is she trimming her hair? I thought it was because she was intrigued by the fact that she came out in loose clothes, and she was thinking about whether or not to talk to you, but it seemed like she finally decided to talk to you?”

“How do you know what she was thinking when she looked outside mirror? She’s just a kid who’s really interested in her own fashion. I was worried that it would make me less intimidating because I didn’t dress up as much as usual, and I was worried that I would feel a difference in class.”

“After seeing her, I couldn’t go into the bakery to see you.”

“Why? She really has nothing to do with me.”

“After about an hour like that, a cute-looking woman was sitting in front of you. Maybe that’s the pretty and cute senior you mentioned?”

“What the hell are you talking about? They’re all people who have nothing to do with what we’re talking about! What do you mean you didn’t come to see me because of them?”

“That senior likes you too.”

“Uh… … no.”

“Didn’t you see how lovingly that senior looked at you?”

“She gets along well with many of her juniors. She’s a good person who’s popular with everyone and treats everyone well. She would have also looked at everyone like that other than me, too.”

“Isn’t that the senior you used to speak with? Would she have wanted to sleep with someone other than you? There’s no one whom she would give that look to.”

“A look? You can’t tell what people are thinking like that.”

“And in the afternoon, you went to the gym after walking around with a nice and pretty girl… … .”

“… … How the hell do you know all that? Where did you see it all? How long have you been watching?”

“I was always close to you. I kept looking at you. From morning to till now… … . I can’t help but say it’s stalking… … . I couldn’t help it. I was sure it would be better if I didn’t appear in front of you, but I still can’t give up… … . I want to see you a little more… … .”

“What are you giving up on… … . I have only you.”

“The girl who went to the gym with you, she likes you too.”

“Why do you keep talking like that? Is it all nonsense?”

“There’s a reason I’m doing this, Yoon-woo. I know you’re a little scared and don’t want to open your heart to others, but you’re ignoring other people’s hearts for that reason.”

“Bunny, please… … . It’s not that I hated it, but I can’t accept that you won’t see me for that reason. You’re all looking wrong. I have only you. As long as you are there, everything is fine… … .”

“Yoon-woo, do you like me?”

“Okay. If only I could believe that you really like me… … .”

“I like you, but why do we need such a condition? If the kid in the morning, the senior, and the kid you went to the gym with in the afternoon all really liked you, would you say you like them all?”

“Things like that… … .”

“It doesn’t matter if that happens or not. I like you whether you like me or not. But are you?’’

[ T/N: It means she likes him whether he likes her or not. But, Yoon-woo only likes her because she likes him. Meaning if there is also someone other than her who likes him, he will like her too. ]

“… … .”

“Yoon-woo, you don’t like me. Cause you don’t know me well. It’s not just me. You don’t know anyone because you don’t see people properly. Because you don’t care how people look at you or how they meet you, you just stare at the ground and walk. Even if others look at you, you keep avoiding their eyes.”

“I… … .”

“Are you thinking what’s the point if you’re going to die anyway? Yoon-woo-ya, I think you like your pessimistic thoughts too much. You just keep trying to settle alone and never try to change the way you think in the slightest bit. Actually, you are a person who can live a little happier. You can hang out with your university classmates, drink alcohol, and make pretty girlfriends. If you don’t have enough money, you might be able to tutor or work part-time at a cafe. If you work part-time at a cafe, you will be popular.”

“… … I said I don’t need it. I said all I need is you. You, please come in front of me, that’s all I wanted. That’s it. Can’t that be the end of the story?”

“It would be really easy for me to have you now. If I just say a few words, you’ll get rid of everyone else and live your life looking at only me. If I ask you to die with me, you will be willing to die with me. But, is that really what you want? It’s not that you like me. It’s just you’re thinking like me. You don’t have to be me, do you? As long as I can give you the belief that I like you, you mean that anyone who meets that condition is okay, right?”

“Even so, the only person like that is you.”

“No. There are several such people. There may be many more than I know, and such people may continue to appear in your future life. But if I pretend I don’t know and let you blindly depend on me, I’ll own you as I please. That’s not what I want. I want you to be happy. And I want you to really like me from your own heart with your own mind without any influence.”

“Can’t we just end it like that? After all, you don’t know whether the world you see is real or the world I see is real. Whoever calls the meaning of love is also different. Everyone has a different idea of ​​what they call happiness. What’s wrong with owning it? No one wants me, but if you want me, I can give you everything. Then I will be really happy too. Is that okay?”

“It is not happiness. It’s just a means to escape from reality. I definitely want to be your refuge, but… … . If I do that, you will use me as an excuse, ignoring everyone around you. I don’t want to be an excuse for your fake happy life. So, I thought it would be better for you to be with them without me. Then, I wondered if you might open your eyes and see the reality someday.”

“No. It’s hard without you… … . Really. If it’s like this, I can’t breathe… … .”

“… … I didn’t even know you were like this. You played with pretty girls all day, don’t you think it’s fun?”

“It’s not fun. It’s tiring. I don’t get it. You don’t want to meet me because you like me? There can be no such person. Okay… … . let’s just say you are tired of me Or maybe you never liked me in the first place. Or just sympathize with me.”

“No. Then why am I here?”

“It must be because you are a good person. I am a person who calls 911 or gives first aid when I see someone in danger. It’s a plausible conscience that you have.”

“Uhh… … . Yoon-woo, you are a really very tiring kid to teach.”

“If that’s the case… … . just say so. It’s harder for me to expect. And, it is more miserable to have hope and get crushed later.”

“If I don’t like you, would I do this?”

“Huh? What is it? uh… … .”

The bunny’s arm that had been covering Yoon-woo’s eyes fell from Yoon-woo’s eyes for a moment.

Yoon-woo turned his head to check the bunny’s face, but the bunny quickly moved from Yoon-woo’s back to Yoon-woo’s front.

Then she covered Yoon-woo’s eyes with one hand again. He felt a bunny’s slender fingers on his eyelids.

It felt good to feel the bunny’s hands.

While the bunny’s arm was away from his eyes for a moment, Yoon-woo’s eyes were only briefly touched by the black hoodie sleeve the bunny was wearing and her slender waist.

For a moment, Yoon-woo was confused as to what the hell he was going to do.

The bunny hugged Yoon-woo’s back neck with the other arm that did not cover Yoon-woo’s eyes, and pulled Yoon-woo’s head toward her.

The warmth of the bunny getting closer… … .

“What? Uh? What are you doing now… … . Wait, wait… … ”

The bunny didn’t say anything.

Instead, the sound of the bunny’s breathing was getting closer to Yoon-woo’s face.

The smell of shampoo from the bunny’s hair brushed Yoon-woo’s nose.

I could feel the bunny’s breathing right in front of my nose, and I could feel the bunny’s body temperature everywhere, including on my face.

Suddenly, the bunny was sitting on Yoon-woo’s lap.

Before long, the bunny’s lips overlapped Yoon-woo’s lips.

Yoon-woo couldn’t see, so he wondered if the bunny’s lips were really on his lips now.

This situation was unbelievable.

But those doubts were bound to disappear quickly… … This is because the bunny’s tongue invaded Yoon-woo’s mouth.

It was the first time in my life. The mouth and mouth were connected to share air heated by body temperature, and the process of breathing in and exhaling through the nose was felt through the skin.

Not knowing what to do, Yoon-woo stayed still, neither rejecting the rabbit’s actions nor actively participating in it.

As if provoking Yoon-woo who was still, the bunny playfully touched the roof of Yoon-woo’s mouth with her tongue and licked Yoon-woo’s lips.

Surprised by the bunny’s action, Yoon-woo grabbed the bunny’s shoulder and pushed it away from his body… … He felt his lips become sticky with saliva, but the bunny kept trying to approach Yoon-woo, so he couldn’t take his hands off the bunny’s shoulder, so he couldn’t afford to wipe his lips which were hanging with saliva.

“What? Why push? Wasn’t that good? Do you hate me doing this?”

“No, that’s… … . What did you do now? Why are you like this?”

“What am I doing? I told you. When we meet, I will kiss you.”

“Is this a kiss? I thought kissing was not using the tongue… … .”

“I don’t know if you will believe it, but it’s my first kiss, I wouldn’t do this to anyone, would I? Do you think it’s a joke or a pity for you?”

“That… … . uh… … .”

“Why not yet? Are you still kidding me?”

“No, it’s not… … . I’m so confused… … .”

“Did you hate it?”

“Ah… … no. That’s not right… … .”

“Then, I’m glad. Would you believe it now? That I really like you.”

“… … Yes, I believe. Thank you, bunny.”

“Then, I’ll limit my greed to this point. Maybe you will regret it now, after you’ve become sober. Why did you do this with a kid like me?”

“I won’t. I… … . The only person who can do this to me is you… … .”

“My purpose is to let people know that I am not a person like that. The more you want me, the more you seem to depend only on me. Just like right now. So… … . It’s okay to just do this and go.”

“Uh? Are you going? You don’t even show your face? Just like this?”

“Yeah, I think so. You… … . When you get a little healthier, let’s meet properly then.”

“… … Contact? Aren’t you going to call me at night?”

“I wasn’t going to do it… … . But, I also can’t stand it. I wonder if you are suffering so much without me.”

“Thank God. If you’re here, I won’t be like this again.”

“But,.you didn’t tell the hospital about this? Couldn’t they give you some medicine to calm these seizures?”

“I don’t want to talk to the hospital.”

“Why?”

“If I get a prescription for a drug, you might cut off contact with me again on the pretext that it’s okay because I have it, right?”

“Uhh… … . I thought it would be like this. That’s why I thought that the person ‘bunny’ should disappear from your life… … .”

“Don’t do that anymore… … ..bunny.”

“Huh?”

“It’s okay not to show your face, so can you tell me your name? You know my name, but I don’t know your name, so calling you a bunny every day… … .”

“My Name? uh… … . My name is… … .”

For some reason, the bunny seemed to ponder for a moment.

Come to think of it, the bunny seemed to have been avoiding revealing her name.

When she sent back 50,000 won to me, she sent it under the nickname ‘Sandok Borem’, and if I don’t get 50,000 won back, she’ll have to send her account number which will obviously reveal her real name to me.

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