Paranoid Love Affair - Chapter 32

As soon as Yoon-woo woke up in the morning, he checked his cell phone first. He wondered if he, who slept on Saturday by taking pills, was still dreaming.

‘Maybe the scenes that I had experienced were just dreams and today is the real Sunday. If so, don’t I have to wash up in a hurry and go out and sit down in a Bordeaux baguette where the bunny may or may not come, and repeat the anxious wait that I had felt from the dream?’

‘Maybe Hye-eun is just a fantasy created by me in my dream, isn’t it possible?’

‘There’s a good chance it is. Because Hye-eun was really like the kind of person I dreamed of … … .’
[ T/N: You must’ve read in the early chapters that Yoon-woo dreamed of or thought of Bunny as a kind and caring person in his mind even before meeting her in reality. So, when he meets her, she is the same and caring person he has thought of. So, he couldn’t believe it and thought it was a dream. ]

But when I checked my phone, it was Monday.

When I checked my kakaotalk record, Hye-eun’s nickname was still ‘Sandok’, and I saw a message that Hye-eun sent to me as she left the laundry, saying that I can look behind now.

When I turned on the voice chat app, there was also a record of me calling Hye-eun as soon as I went home.

It was all real!

Hye-eun’s warm body temperature, her fragrant body odor, her kind words that made me cry, and the soft touch that came to my lips… … .

In the world, there really was a living, breathing person named Hye-eun who hugged, kissed, and said that she liked Yoon-woo, who was struggling with his breath!

The morning was bright.

It was the first time he felt like he was alive.

For Yoon-woo, the morning was always dark.
A desperate start of the day. And a day to wait over 14 hours to go back to his room and fall asleep peacefully again.

Waking up was always painful. Because of the eyes of the people who look at Yoon-woo as an insignificant thing. And, in reality, his life is always insignificant, so he can’t protest at all and just has to stay quiet so that he doesn’t exist in the first place.

Yoon-woo’s self-esteem, who looked at him like that, was like a broken white blood cell. Instead of defending himself from other dangerous organisms, he poured out degrading words as contagious diseases to himself which were harmful to his body and mind.

There were people, who would indicate with their eyes: ‘I ask you to die right now, why would a guy like you stay alive?’ and Yoon-woo was just living with a small muttering, ‘I’m sorry, please wait for three years.’

But, it’ll be no from now on.

Even if everyone in the world, including Yoon-woo himself, looks at him insignificantly, there is Hye-eun who looks at Yoon-woo with her lovely eyes.

A lawyer named Hye-eun appeared for the first time in Yoon-woo’s heart, where Yoon-woo does not defend himself even though he was a prosecutor.

And, this is what she says.

‘If you respect my heart that thinks of you as lovely, please don’t belittle yourself like that… … .’

Just having one ally on my side gives me the confidence to live like this. How do people like Hye-rim, Ji-eun, and Sae-byul feel?

Wouldn’t hundreds or thousands of trusted lawyers gather in their hearts to support their lives?

Still, I was no longer envious.

No matter how many people loved and defended them, for me, I didn’t think there was anyone who was more valuable than Hye-eun.

Do people like Hye-rim, Ji-eun, and Sae-byul need so many lawyers?

Do they ever have to stand in court in their hearts as often as Yoon-woo?

Aren’t they living such a wonderful life?

I was always standing in the courtroom.

When I lay alone in bed at night, I begin to sort through the day in my mind by inspecting what I had done and said.

Then, there was at least one thing that I had done wrong.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that there was nothing that didn’t bother me.

When I apologized about them in my mind and reflected on my own like that, I didn’t think that I was living a life.

It seemed that too many parts were missing to function properly in a machine called life.

But there will still be some particularly important parts.

Just as a mini-car can roll with an ugly design even if it only has a motor and wheels. It would be like that in my life too. There will still be parts that make life run as life, even if it’s not a glamorous and pretty life.

But, a certain part was desperately needed for me.

However, I did not know what part that I desperately wanted.

I didn’t know what part was essentially needed to make my life feel like a life.

But now I seemed to know what it was.

The part that I desperately needed was Hye-eun!

‘It is Hye-eun. What is she doing now?’

‘She said yesterday that she ran hurriedly to the laundry to comfort me, so maybe she’s sleeping because she’s tired?

‘I want to be in touch in the morning, but I’ll wake her up from her deep sleep. But, it didn’t seem like she’ll stay up all night from her voice yesterday, did it? Could it be that Hye-eun’s day and night returned to normal?’

I wish it was returned to normal. I will be able to keep in touch with Hye-eun during the day.

Ever since he opened his eyes, Yoon-woo’s mind was all about Hye-eun.

Now the first week of October has begun.

I still have to wait 4 weeks to see Hye-eun again.

I want to meet Hye-eun soon.

It doesn’t matter if her face is covered or not.

I wanted to see Hye-eun to make my life better.

Once again, he wanted to actually experience that voice, that scent, and that body temperature he felt from yesterday.

I wanted to narrow the gap between Hye-eun in my head and Hye-eun in reality.
[ T/N: It may sound confusing. But, I think he wants to see her more so as not to have to worry that Hye-eun is just his fantasy. If he sees her often, then he can completely think that Hye-eun in his head (kind and caring person) and Hye-eun in reality (kind and caring person in his impression on his first meeting) are the same. ]

It was a pity that I couldn’t focus on Hye-eun properly because I was dizzy yesterday.

But when I think about it, so far, I have only seen Hye-eun in my ugly state.

I first whined to Hye-eun about what she will do if she is disappointed with me, and I also told her not to meet me rudely, and I even got angry and wept. But, when I actually met her, I had a seizure and was unable to control my body properly and even had to get comforted by her… …

Hye-eun told me that she likes me even when I’m like that. But I never know when she’ll get tired of me though.

Even if she said that she was tired of me right now, I seemed to be able to commit suicide with satisfaction, but still, the longer I can be with Hye-eun, the better it will be.

Is there any way to slow Hye-eun’s losing interest in me?

Yoon-woo thought about this and that, but expensive methods such as buying clothes or changing his hairstyle didn’t seem appropriate choices for him.

Even if he doesn’t use any money in his savings account at the beginning of the month, he doesn’t have time to buy clothes or decorate his hair.

Besides, in Yoon-woo’s opinion, that’s a way to make cool and pretty people more glamorous, but it didn’t seem like an efficient way for people like Yoon-woo to get attention with his dull impression.

After much deliberation and thinking, Yoon-woo posted his concerns on the anonymous bulletin board of the school community ‘Gogopas’.

Title: What should an ugly man do to decorate himself?

Main text: I had no sense of choosing clothes and also usually cut my hair myself, but I had an occasion to decorate myself next month. What should I do first?

Comments:

– What style do you like? How do we know if you ask a question like this without any information?

-(Author) 1/ Is your body in perfect shape? (Like six abs). Do exercise more if your body is a little thin.

– Exercise.

– Exercise

– Fix your hangers first before you even think about choosing clothes. If it’s anchovy, it doesn’t matter what kind of clothes you wear.
(Anchovy: A clothing brand)

A lot of comments came out quicker than I expected.

Looking at the comments, the answers are quite understandable.

But can I change my body shape even a little by the end of October, when I decide to see Hye-eun?

The thought of wanting to show off to Hye-eun by building up even a little muscle for four weeks made Yoon-woo feel urgent.

He couldn’t sit still.

As soon as he got up from bed, he took a sip of water, grabbed his toiletries and headed straight to the school gym.

Yoon-woo woke up at 7 am, and the economics class started at 10:30, so he had plenty of time.

However, when Yoon-woo arrived at the gym and changed his clothes in the changing room, he saw a familiar face in the weight zone.

For some reason, Hye-rim had already come and was doing back squats.

Seeing her warming up with an empty bar, it seemed that Hye-rim had just arrived.

Hye-rim recognized Yoon-woo and greeted him immediately.

“Uh? Yoon-woo? Hello, Yoon-woo! Do you usually come this early in the morning?”

“No, you came a little earlier than usual today.”

“That’s right! It snowed a little early today, so I came early! That is great. Let’s exercise together.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Previously, it was burdensome for Yoon-woo to exercise with Hye-rim.

Hye-rim is someone who draws attention around her no matter where she is, so he was so humble even if she was next to him.

He has become more polite than before when he learned the exercises from Hye-rim.

For example, while deadlifting, even if Yoon-woo could lift a slightly heavier weight than Hye-rim, his posture was clumsy, and Hye-rim’s posture was beautiful.

Seeing that, how could a person have everything like that (beauty and even strength), the thought stimulated his sense of inferiority.

Of course, it is not without such a feeling even now.

But now, that feeling doesn’t seem to matter much to him.

Even if people see Yoon-woo as shabby, he only needs Hye-eun to see that he’s not shabby.

He won’t make Hye-eun hate him just because he’s no better at his sports than Hye-rim.

With that in mind, he hypnotized the fact to himself that Hye-rim was not a catalyst for the inferiority complex, but a good sports teacher.

He had thought constantly that he had to exercise as much as he can to make himself look better only in Hye-eun’s eyes.

“I was going to do back squats today, but what about Yoon-woo?”

“I was thinking of deadlifting… … . And, how do you do back squats?”

“Didn’t Yoon-woo only do it naked until now? Are you lifting weights now?”

“Yes.”

“Then can I tell you about my posture?”

“Ah, thank you.”

“Then, hold the bar like this and shrug your shoulders… … .”

Hye-rim put aside the warm-up exercises she was doing, and she kindly explained to Yoon-woo how to use proper posture and grip, where the strength should go, and what to watch out for.

Hye-rim kindly explained Yoon-woo to the smallest detail, and she corrected his posture from time to time. Thanks to that, he learned the posture easily.

When Yoon-woo’s posture became acceptable, she set the number of repetitions and sets for him and exercised together.

After that, he told Hye-rim about his finishing stretching movements one by one. Even so, he had an ample amount of time left until his second class.

“You know, Yoon-woo, if possible, would you like to set up a time to exercise and do this together every morning? I’ll tell you all this. Oh, and don’t be shy, if I make an appointment in the morning, I don’t oversleep and come out to exercise. And, it’s more fun to do it together… ..”

“If you can do that, thanks.”

“Great! However… … Why are you so active today?”

“Huh?”

“Usually, what you do is, don’t you always plan to run away after exercising a little with me, but what’s the situation now? I’ll have to ask a few times to find out… … .”

“Uh… …It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?.”

“That is… … Just, Hye-rim teaches the gym posture so well, I wanted to continue learning in the future. It’s much better than watching YouTube.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You point out the wrong points right away.”

“But, you always need someone to take care of your posture to grow faster. If you make a mistake by doing it alone, it is difficult to correct it later.”

“That’s right.”

“You really look brighter today than usual. In particular, yesterday seemed very difficult. Is the hangover over now?”

“It’s because I ate well yesterday. The rice you made is delicious.”

“Huh… … Oh, thanks. Well… … . Then, how about if we make it to the gym by 7:30 every morning? Can it happen every day?’’

“Great. Let’s do that.”

“Then I will tell you about the military press tomorrow.”
(Military press: A weightlift in which the barbell is lifted to shoulder height and then smoothly lifted overhead.)

“Thanks. Tell me a lot.”

“Then, Yoo-woo, will you go home first? Ah, your house is in the opposite direction, so go first. I’ll see you in class later. I’m taking a while… … .”

“Nope. I’ll just wait in front of the gym until you finish washing up.”

“… … Why?”

“I have something to ask you as I go. Let’s go together.”

“… … Yes? The question…what is that?”

“I’ll tell you when you get out.”

Today is the day the cost of living from my parents was coming in. There was something I had to organize and solve quickly.

Unless it was resolved quickly, it seemed that it would be difficult to live comfortably just thinking about Hye-eun. He wanted to get those worries out of his head as quickly as possible.

It’s not that serious, but it’s a bit inconvenient to talk because Ji-eun is in Hye-rim’s room at lunch, and after that, in his free time, he has to do the homework for today’s economics class.

And, even if I talked about it in kakaotalk, my tone was not conveyed, so it seemed that there was a chance that it wouldn’t sound important.

If that’s the case, I’ll only be talking about it after the 5th period, when the modern business administration class ends. If I solve it now, I may not have to wait until then.

Lying on a comfortable chair in a modern business administration classroom, I can fall asleep while replaying the memories of last night in my mind.

If I don’t solve it now, this trouble will keep interfering with the replay of the memory at the time of my rest.

“Eww… … . Yoon-woo-ya, the truth is… … .”

“Huh?”

“I usually work out, but I don’t wash at the gym. I only wash when I go home… … . It’s cumbersome to carry everything around… … . It was only when I decided to exercise with you that I simply brought toiletries… … . I didn’t bring anything to wash today… … .”

“Ah… … .”

“When I exercise, I sweat a lot… … . It smells a bit sweaty to go with me… … . Wouldn’t the smell be even more noticeable when you’re the only one washing up? So after seeing you go, I tried to sneak out… … .”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think of that… … .”

Yoon-woo didn’t really care what Hye-rim smelled like.

They don’t even have to go that far together anyway.

He was going to walk a little bit and try to keep it simple by using short words and he was going to break up at the junction… … .

But to say ‘I don’t care’ here is foolish.

Even if he doesn’t say it, Hye-rim doesn’t care about things like Yoon-woo.

He can’t admit the fact that Hye-rim wants to smell good while she’s walking with someone.

It’s a matter related to Hye-rim’s pride and self-love, and has nothing to do with him.

“Isn’t this something we can talk about when we eat later or during the 5th period? Or if you want, we can talk to each other now. Are you in a hurry?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to talk quickly. But, I’ll just talk another time. See you later.”

“… … I’m curious, can’t we just briefly talk about what it is? Are you talking about a secret? There aren’t many people here right now… … .”

“I’m fine with that, but I thought Hye-rim would want to wash up quickly because you’re sweaty.”

“It is, but… … . just tell me now. We’re both still sweating right now, so you can’t even know the smell. If you go like this, I’ll keep wondering about that for hours. ”

“Ah, you plan to make smoked duck slices, so I was wondering if you were spending more than the food price we set for you.”

“No, if you buy frozen ones in bulk, it’s surprisingly not that expensive, so I bought one. Ji-eun noona also decided to eat with us, she said that living like that is cheap and convenient.”

“Oh, I see. Then I’m glad. I’m always thankful.”

“No, but you just wanted to ask this? Can’t you just ask this at any time?”

“Oh, that’s not really what I’m asking… … . Hye-rim, I was trying to ask if there is anything you want or want to eat.”

“Uh, huh? why?

“I want to give you a present.”

“… … Suddenly?”

“Hmm.”

“What is the reason for Yoon-woo to give me a present… … ? My birthday is still far away… … .”

“It’s just, there are a lot of things you usually do for me. Thank you.”

If I told you the exact reason, it seemed that Hye-rim would be angry.

Because she’s actually been mad at him once.

Still, it was a problem that had to be solved in order to make him more comfortable.

However, Hye-rim’s sharp insight has.pierced.that of Yoon-woo’s.

“Yoon-woo, you… … no way… … . You’re not saying you’re going to pay back what you ate from me, are you?”

“… … .”

“Hey, really, are you really like this? Can’t I even call over you for a meal? But, that’s why we’re eating together in my apartment right now!”

“But, what I got from you back is still more… … .”

“Can’t you just accept that as a gift I gave you? I bought you a meal to make you feel good, but now you count them and give them back to me?”

“Then, think of me as giving you a present out of gratitude, not in return for it.”

“Yoon-woo, you really… … . You are usually quiet, but why are you so stubborn about these things?”

“Just… … . I want to give you back what you gave me. I think that will put my mind at ease.”

“Is that so? First, let’s solve the gift of the arm pillow for 9 hours first! Why don’t you talk about that?”
[9 hour arm-pillow: When Yoon-woo and Jieun got drunk and caught by Hye-rim, she said that she will also use Yoon-woo as a pillow, so sleep with her. I thought it was a joke. But, it was not. XD]

“That, that… … . In chronological order, Tutor work comes first, right?”
[Tutor work: Explaining things in classes that Hye-rim didn’t understand]

“… … Okay. In that case, Yoon-woo, you will think about it. And then we’ll talk about it again.”

“… … Uh? Do you want me to think about it?”

“Isn’t it a gift? Think of something that you want to give me, and give it to me. Isn’t that what a gift is like?”

“Aren’t there any gifts to ask in advance for what you want? And that’s better, rather than giving something strange or unnecessary… … .”

“Still, I won’t tell you. And, you have to come and eat at my home. Don’t even think about paying back with Tutor.”

“Eww… … .”

“If you don’t want to think about it, you don’t have to give it to me. Just forget it. Oh, how about extending the arm pillow time instead? That might be better.”

“No, absolutely not.”

“Oh… … .Okay? Then think hard. I look forward to it.”

“… … .”

“If you stay drenched in sweat for a long time, you’ll catch a cold. Wash up quickly. I’ll change clothes before you come out and go first.”

“… … Okay.”

“Yeah, see you later.”

Yoon-woo was very embarrassed.

The reason he dared to bring this up to Hye-rim now was to quickly get rid of the worries about how to pay off the debt owed to Hye-rim for a personal meal at an expensive restaurant.

Considering the 38,000 won for the steak I ate, the coffee and macarons that Hye-rim gave me during lunch, and the miscellaneous hard work that Hye-rim is doing right now is (Teaching gym postures) because of him, I thought I should give a present of at least 50,000 won.

I figured out Hye-rim’s demand and thought about it within the budget, and I was going to finish it quickly, but she picked something unexpected… … .

Yoon-woo did not have a chance to give a present to anyone in his life.

He spent all his school days alone, and he never gave gifts to his family.

Because, everytime he tried to give a present to his mom or dad on his parents’ birthday or Mother’s Day, he was only told not to waste money.

In fact, Yoon-woo’s parents didn’t even give each other birthday presents for a very long time.

Such a scene remains only as a vague memory of Yoon-woo before he even went to kindergarten.

Despite this, being handed over 10,000 won for his birthday was a rare experience for Yoon-woo to feel something similar to love from his parents.

So, Yoon-woo did not think that he could choose a gift that he and Hye-rim would be satisfied with since he hasn’t given a present to anyone other than his parents.

When she told him to pick his own, he immediately remembered that she was talking to him when she took him to the restaurant in the same way, but he blocked it right away… … .

When he came home and searched for gifts for women under 50,000 won on his cell phone, he found a lot of gifts such as cosmetics, lipsticks, and perfumes.

Yoon-woo was completely ignorant about these things.

He gave cosmetics as a gift, but what if it’s completely different from what she usually uses?

The same goes for lipstick.

Everyone’s lip color is described for each lipstick, but considering that there are so many different types of lipsticks, it means that each person has their own preferences.

But isn’t it more rude for Yoon-woo, who doesn’t know such a preference at all, and doesn’t know what color comes out when a certain color lipstick is applied on the lips, to give a gift of any color?

I heard that some perfume smells bad if you spray it the wrong way… …

Too difficult.

Fortunately, Yoon-woo now has someone to ask and consult with.

If it’s Hye-eun, wouldn’t she give him appropriate advice?

Anyway, I didn’t decide to give him a present right now, so I might be able to decide tonight after listening to Hye-eun’s advice.

Still, it was sad that Hye-rim was the first person that I gave a gift to after thinking so hard.

The person that Yoon-woo wants to give the present the most right now is Hye-eun… … .