Paranoid Love Affair

Episode 43

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If Yoon-woo had come to like Ji-eun, Hye-rim had no intention of using force on him to like her.

She knew herself that she did some pretty reckless things on her own, but she still can distinguish between what she should do and what she shouldn’t.

In the movie ‘Bruce Almighty’, Bruce was able to exercise all kinds of powers on behalf of God, but could he win the hearts of others?

The sea can be divided, but he can’t make the girl he likes fall in love with him… … .

I thought it was funny when I saw the movie, but in reality, it really seems to be that difficult.

Then, even if I get angry and shout at Yoon-woo or Ji-eun, nothing will change.

So, I was only angry with myself.

If I hadn’t received the phone call from Ji-eun, I would have time to self-criticize about what I did wrong from when and what I did like the incident from the past 10 years.

Before I met Yoon-woo again, starting from my fourth grade, I hung a mold in my heart and criticized myself for days. And, as I always did, I was scolding myself today.

So, I felt grateful and relieved that Ji-eun called me to clarify.

Ji-eun is good at making friends with people.

Her wiring is different from other people.

She doesn’t do anything to hurt me just to satisfy her greed.

‘Look. Yoon-woo likes me, so why do you fall for him? Are you so blind?’

Even if she were someone else, she might have tried to exclude me in that way.
(To not get her hurt from loving the wrong man.)

However, while I was grateful to Ji-eun, I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

“Noona… … . Then, you drank again and slept in the same bed with Yoon-woo?! And, you were stuck like last time? What really happened this time… … .”

[No! Not really! I said I wouldn’t commit such a foul!]

“But if you said you were so drunk, can you be sure that you didn’t do that? Noona even doesn’t remember, so maybe… … .”

[I can’t remember well, but… … . You can be sure! Hye-rim, didn’t you see Yoon-woo’s room too? How narrow is it. And the same goes for the bed!]

“Ah… … .”

[How are we going to lie down there? It was a bit frustrating even lying on my own, but Yoon-woo and I lied down together? Isn’t it surprising that an elongated kid like Yoon-woo is sleeping in that bed every day?]

“Well… … . is it? However, depending on your drunken mind… . Even if you can’t sleep together, you can do anything… … .”

[Hyerim-ah!]

“Eww… … I’m sorry… … But it could have been, right? Does noona even know?”

[If that was the case, there would have been traces… No, do I even have to talk about this?

can’t you trust me like that? I mean, I have a dream too! In such a restless state, in such a worn-out bed… …why do I….]

“Ah… … . That’s right… … . I’m sorry.”

[I swear I knew it didn’t happen.. … .]

“Then, where did Yoon-woo sleep?”

[That… … . Maybe he fell asleep on his desk… … ?]

“Somehow, he slept very deeply in the 5th class today… … .”

Today, Yoon-woo did not wake up even after the 5th class was over, so I shook Yoon-woo to wake him up.

With that in mind, I was able to fully understand the story of Ji-eun.

In the end, Yoon-woo and Ji-eun were lying on the bed for hours because Ji-eun forced him to lie on the bed, and Yoon-woo lying on his desk trying to sleep and couldn’t sleep; the memories are only in Yoon-woo’s head.

[When I woke up, Yoon-woo was gone and I was alone in Yoon-woo’s bed… … . Earrings were placed on the desk…So this is not a romantic gift. I got it from begging like a child…Wouldn’t Yoon-woo harbour disgust for me instead of liking me?]

“No, he won’t… … . You can drink and make mistakes… … .”

[Isn’t it too big of a mistake to pass off just like that?]

“But if it’s Yoon-woo, would he keep it in his mind?”

[Really? Wouldn’t it be a bit annoying? Yoon-woo’s room is on the third floor and I can’t remember walking with my own feet… … . Since there was no elevator…Then, maybe Yoon-woo….]

“… … Since noona is light, wouldn’t it be okay for him?”

[And…I got drunk and came out wearing shorts and whining that it was cold…Yoon-woo even covered my cold body here and there. But there’s a lot of alcohol smell in there… Even socks…]

“Umm… … . Unnie, you did a lot of stuff last night…”

[I don’t know, I lost my memory …I don’t know what else I did. What if I completely lost my mind at that time? Ahhh…I was excited today…But, slowly thinking about it, I want to die……]

Obviously, at the beginning of the call, Ji-eun seemed to comfort Hye-rim, but now it is the opposite.

Hye-rim didn’t want to question Ji-eun like that anymore.

“But in the end, Yoon-woo gave unnie earrings, right? He wouldn’t have done it if he had been really upset with you .”

[No. If it’s Yoon-woo, even if he doesn’t like that, he can do that for me… As you know, that kid…He listens to everything I say straight away, you know? The last time I asked him to pick me up on the street as a joke but he was really trying to pick me up…The kid doesn’t know how to refuse. He’s a kid who does everything someone asks, so this time too…]

“Huh? It’s not like that, is it? Yoon-woo doesn’t know rejection? On the contrary, he has never listened to what I was saying at once.”

[Eh? In what way?]

“What is it? Don’t you remember anything that I said before? That is even if I asked him to eat together or to go to the library together, he refuses at least once. At first, when I talked about going to the gym together, he was a little shaky…The fact that we can eat together like now…If you think about it, it’s all completely my own compulsion… … .”

[Ah, that…excuse me…]

“I kept feeling… … . Yoon-woo seems to feel much more comfortable with unnie. You and Yoon-woo eat cream puffs together, go to coin karaoke together, and even talk comfortably, right? But, when he’s with me, his face hardens every time… …”

[It’s not like that… … .]

“So, I forced him to get these earrings. Without even asking his opinions properly, I forcibly took him to ‘TourTur’ restaurant and erased the debt by forcing him, who is uncomfortable with the debt, to choose such a gift…But you aren’t even like that, are you?”

[Isn’t it the same? I didn’t behave normally. I got drunk and even swarmed into his… … .]

“It could be passed just as a drunken person talking nonsense, but Yoon-woo wanted to give you something like that to unnie even when you had no debt relationship with him, right? After all, Yoon-woo seems to like unnie much more than me…”

[That…excuse me…Hye-rim?]

“Huh?”

[I think…I think it’s just a matter of your attitude…]

“Attitude? Like what? speech? Don’t you like my tone of voice? but… I’ve heard a few times that it’s not that bad.”

[No, you talk kindly, but.. It’s not like that…]

“Or is it my personality? Right…There were several times when I was angry and yelled at

Yoon-woo, who was not at fault when I couldn’t hold back my anger…”

[No! It’s not like that…]

“Huh? Then what?”

[Why do you keep trying to force Yoon-woo to do things with you? You were also trying to buy him something to eat.]

“Ah… … . I know that it’s embarrassing. But right now, he’s eating together without being burdened with money, right?”

[Even so, you cook all the dishes, and when we clean up, we all clean up together, right? Even though Yoon-woo said he would do it alone.]

“Yoon-woo isn’t good at handling cooking utensils, is he? So is unnie… … . And I like to cook for Unnie and Yoon-woo, too. When we clean up, we have to clear it together quickly so that there is a lot of time left to study.”

[But, because of his personality…Perhaps even with that, he feels very indebted to you?]

“Is it like that? I saw him like that before so it seems plausible… But, he doesn’t have to… It’s what I like to do… ”

[He’s very uncomfortable just accepting things from others as you already know….And, have you never asked Yoon-woo for anything?]

“I asked him once to go to the library together…”

[It’s hard to call that a request. Even in the library, you didn’t follow him even if he agreed or not, did you? That might be rather uncomfortable for him.]

“Well… Then, going to the gym together every morning?”

[Tell him to exercise with you?]

“Just… I just want to do what I can do for Yoon-woo… I…”

[From his point of view, he also receives it as a burden from you.]

“Is it? Oh, then, I asked him to pick this earring!”

[Isn’t that a return to ‘TourTur’?]

“Uh… But, this earring itself is… It’s my request for him to pick this on his own..”

[Does that even make sense for a request?]

“Isn’t it? I think it will be… … .”

[Look, if someone else does a favor to you, you have to keep it in your heart and give it back that much, but once you meet, you are only trying to help Yoon-woo, financially or non-monetarily.]

“But, I really like to do them. I also want Yoon-woo to accept them obediently, isn’t that enough for a request?”

[He’s not a kid who can accept that. So, maybe he’s nervous when he sees you? I don’t know what kind of burden it will weigh on him…]

“Uh…is it? So, is Unnie different from me? Unnie also bought Yoon-woo lamb skewers and also…”

[I’m bargaining Yoon-woo with the study notes, okay?]

“Uh…Then, what about cream puffs or coin karaoke? If you buy something or go somewhere together, he’ll probably turn down a few times…”

[Yoon-woo bought the cream puff and the bread but he was not eating, I took it and ate it, and then I was full, so I begged him to eat one. So, he probably wouldn’t accept it if I bought it.]

“Okay? Then what about coin karaoke?”

[That’s because I was full and bored of going for a walk alone, so I asked to go there together…I sang a song and pushed him to go. Oh, come to think of it, he didn’t want to go there…Why did I have to…]

“Well…Uh…Then…What is the conclusion?”

[ I mean, don’t just keep trying to do something to Yoon-woo, but ask him what he wants to do. You should put aside your own logic of wanting to do it for a while and ask Yoon-woo to come up with something purely based on what he wants to do. And, after that, if you say that you’ll repay it later, that’ll be an excuse to meet again, right?]

“But will it happen? Won’t he refuse?”

[He won’t. I already told you.]

“That…What if Unnie is wrong? What if Yoon-woo only listened to you because he only liked you? So, what I’m saying is, if he declines me like a knife…”

[What? So, you were saying you think you will become uncomfortable with Yoon-woo later if you ask him for his opinions first. ]

“I’m also afraid that Yoon-woo will refuse me…Every time Yoon-woo refuses with various excuses, my heart hurts too…I wonder why I’m feeling uncomfortable like this… Still, I thought it wouldn’t be the case if we kept seeing each other…”

[Maybe my guess is right? I think that’s his personality. If not, what kind of man would ignore you and hit on me first?]

“What about unnie? Aren’t there many such men hitting on you? Yoon-woo also said that those earrings would be prettier if Unnie had it than me, right?”

[So far, there has never been a man like that, when I go out for a drink with you…

Everyone looks at you…]

“Isn’t it? As far as I know… with any man we’ve met so far, Yoon-woo is totally different from those people!”

[What… Yeah, it may be, but… Anyway, do as I say.]

“Eww…Do you want me to ask Yoon-woo? What would you like me to do? And, what am I supposed to do, Unnie?”

[That’s it…say it… Say anything you want to do with Yoon-woo.]

“Anything is fine?…”

[Well…How about watching a movie together?]

“It’s great!”

[Then, it’s good.]

“By the way, how can I watch a movie with a kid who refuses to eat together because he doesn’t have enough money and the same kid who says he doesn’t want me to buy him?”

[You have to speak well. Just say that there is a movie that you really want to see at the cinema, but you don’t want to go alone, and you don’t have anyone else to go with. You have to say that you have no one to watch with but him, and you can’t watch this movie without him.]

“But I have unnie, right? Someone to go with. Yoon-woo would know…”

[You can say it’s a movie I don’t like.]

“Unnie, don’t you like all kinds of movies?”

Ji-eun liked animated movies the most, but there was a cinema right next to her house, and she liked going to the cinema, so she watched it regardless of the types of the movies.

That was also one of the reasons why Ji-eun was able to naturally lead the conversation to the story of the movie, no matter who she met and what kind of story she started.

Not only that, even when alone at home, Ji-eun watches movies at random, regardless of era and genre.

So, unless the person had never seen any movies before, it was easy to be dragged into the swamp of Ji-eun’s movie story.

Still, the great thing about Ji-eun was that she could understand the other person’s taste and make it a pleasant conversation.

Last time when Hye-rim went to Ji-eun’s house, she was alone watching a black-and-white movie with no sound.

She said she doesn’t know where she got it, and she’s been watching all of Charlie Chaplin’s movies.

[I’m not very good at seeing cruel things…And, what does my taste have to do with this? Just pick any movie you like and say I don’t like it. Or maybe it’s a movie I’ve already seen.]

“A brutal movie? Is there anything like that that has been released these days?”

[There is, but you can’t see right now, do you? So just anything…]

“No, I just remembered, Yoon-woo said he liked horror movies.”

[What? It’s surprising.]

“Isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be better to recommend a movie that Yoon-woo likes if possible?”

[Uh…But are you really okay? It’s a very scary movie…Even when I thought I could, I quickly realised I couldn’t see it because I was too scared.]

“It’s okay! It’s absolutely fine, so please tell me the title. Let me try seeing that tomorrow. What’s the title?”

[Midsoma.]

“Wait a minute, searching…I’m doing this, this is what comes out in this season, right?”

Without hanging up on the phone, Hye-rim asked Ji-eun after searching for a movie for a while.

[Hmm.]

“Thanks, Unnie. I’ll tell Yoon-woo about this.”

[It’s fine…I hope it’ll turn out okay.]

“But this… Is it okay if you help me like this? Unnie is definitely… Yoon-woo… … .”

[It’s okay. So far, I’ve been a little rude…You even become depressed.]

“Well…”

[And, Yoon-woo…I think he’d be happier to know that you like to watch horror movies, too.]

“… … ”

[I can’t even breathe in the middle of those several crashes in that movie, but why are you suddenly silent? Uh…Just try it once.]

“Thanks, Unnie. I will definitely buy you a meal.”

[Yeah, I’ll be looking forward to it.]

I’m sure it will be fine. Ji-eun thought as she hung up the phone.

On the surface, she thinks that Yoon-woo is more friendly to me than her because he understands my personality better.

She believes that she did not intentionally use Yoon-woo’s personality to make friends with him, but I think I was a bit selfish to some extent since I did not give her this advice earlier.

Because of my own greed and anxiety… … .

If it was Hye-rim, not me, who ate lamb skewers with Yoon-woo and laid in bed with Yoon-woo drunk, could she really say something like this to me?

It didn’t seem like it.

I thought I should have at least one point where I have a win over Hye-rim.

Of course, I didn’t want to act consciously of each of these things, but… … .

Looking back on my own actions in hindsight, there was a thought hidden between my actions.

As my feelings for Yoon-woo became more visible than before, my cowardly side also became much more visible.

I couldn’t tolerate myself becoming like that.

Even if Yoon-woo didn’t like me, I wanted to live as a person Yoon-woo could like, and he deserves to be loved by others.

I was right in the beginning.

I should have pushed them to get along well from the beginning.

I’m glad I was able to pretend to push even now.

Perhaps tomorrow, Hye-rim will definitely make an appointment with Yoon-woo…

Then, when the two of them do well, I…

Her eyes were on the vodka above her cupboard as she had several thoughts.

She looked at the vodka for a while…

She then shook her head and jumped into her bed.

And, she reread the message that Yoon-woo had sent to her which had been stored on her cell phone.

Even after reading it all, she read it over and over again.

It would have been better if Yoon-woo sent a longer message…

Ji-eun, who crouched on her bed with such thoughts in mind, no longer smiled like before, even when she looked back at her conversation with Yoon-woo.

[In the end, did you give the two of them presents? And, earrings at that… I really don’t know what you’re doing.]

“Yeah. I didn’t expect things to be this complicated. The debt I owed to that girl is still unfinished.”

Today, Hye-eun’s voice was more subdued than her usual voice.

When Yoon-woo asked what was going on, she said that she was not feeling well.

It is a time when the daily temperature difference is getting bigger.

He told Hye-eun that she should take good care of her health, and she replied that he should take care of himself.

After that, the conversation continued with the story of Hye-rim and Ji-eun’s gift.

Even just before entering the ‘UST’ shop with Hye-rim, Yoon-woo thought that such a topic would no longer intervene in conversations with Hye-eun by today.

Yoon-woo wanted to tell a certain story to Hye-eun, but Hye-eun continued to lead the conversation by talking about the people around Yoon-woo.

[But, did you even need to give a present to the senior? Do you have any specific debts to repay to that senior? It’s just that she had been drinking too much anyway. It would have never happened if she hadn’t been drunk.]

“Even if I don’t owe any money, I made a lot of mistakes because I was drunk last time… ”

[That senior also made a lot of mistakes because she was drunk, right? Isn’t that what happened?]

“Well…It may be, but… I just wanted to buy it.”

[Uh? Really? Why? Did you like that senior?]

“No, it sounds a bit cheeky to say ‘like’ , but… I’m just a little sad for her.”

[In what way?]

“In my opinion… That senior is a great person. Looks are looks, but like me…She is a person who takes good care of others and considers their opinions seriously whoever the other person is, has fun talking, and doesn’t say anything that hurts others, and there are a lot of people who contact her…”

[Then?]

“By the way, that senior is a person who has so many strengths in her and is loved by many people… but she didn’t seem to know who she was.”

[Uh…]

“Blinded by a strange sense of inferiority that she shouldn’t have, she doesn’t even realize how attractive she is, she’s just like me… And, it was so sad that she was seeking the approval of a marginalized person like me. Leaving it alone makes it feel like I’m cheating while I’m dating her…” Wouldn’t you have felt that way if you saw the scene where the fallen royal family begged for food from the commoners? It is a pity to see that the mouth that originally ate the whitest and softest bread in this country wanted this hard and coarse black bread… Even the people who suffered from the tyranny of the royal family might offer bread out of sympathy if they saw the scene. Much less, Ji-eun was not a royal family who wielded tyranny. Among the royal family, she is a good and merciful person.
[ T/N: The royal family: It literally means insiders; sociable and popular person in these sentences. Yoon-woo used it as a metaphor. ]

[…… .]

“So, I thought that if just getting recognition from me was enough for that senior to become confident and return to her original life, she should live happily. I think it will not be very difficult for her… That senior is a person who should be confident and have fun.”

[That… Yoon-woo?]

“Huh?”

[What you said about that senior now… Don’t you think that the same thing can apply to you?]

“In what way?”

[You are also a person who is confident enough and can live happily. You shouldn’t be the kind of person to belittle yourself and be pessimistic about life.]

“Thank you for looking at me like that. But you are the only one who sees it like that.”

[Uhhh… Seriously, if you are someone who could understand your words well, you wouldn’t be living like this…]

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