Episode 40 – Kotoha’s thoughts

“What’s wrong, Rin kun? You seem to be having a hard time lately.”
“Oh, ah …… a little heartache, huh ……”

I’m tired and doing laundry when I’m approached by Kotoha, who is checking her script on the couch. I mean, why is she in my house with her own face?
No, it’s true, she’s paying my rent for me now instead!

“What’s wrong? Are you full of assignments again?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m getting by on the assignments, but it’s more than that. “

Since then, I have received a phone call from Shizuku san every day at night.

She is also busy, so she can’t devote too much time to it, but she dexterously makes time to call me every day.

“What? You don’t get enough sleep?”
”Well, if it’s that, I don’t sleep well.”

The call itself is only 10 or 20 minutes, and it’s before 11:00 a.m., so I’m not losing any sleep over it.

As you would expect, she is a professional and does not do anything to wake up the quality of her work due to lack of sleep.

But I am just a college student.

–I am not the kind of man who can fall asleep immediately after hearing a beautiful girl’s sweet, melting voice at night.

I guess it didn’t help that it was a voice actor whose voice I originally liked and supported. I could listen to her voice forever, but it would leave reverberations in my head and distract me.
I can’t sleep at night.

“Are you okay? Lack of sleep is bad for you, okay?”
“Ah, yeah…”

Saying so, Kotoha has not tried to return home even at 9 pm.
I guess it’s a good thing that her house is also in Tokyo and it takes about 20 minutes by train from here.

By the way, I have never been to her house. I’m innocent.

“–Hmmm. Something like you’re hiding something.”
“No, No? Nothing?”

Kotoha’s intuition is as keen as ever, which chills my liver, but fortunately she quickly went back to putting red lines in the script.
Perhaps it is actually a busy situation.

“Hey, is Kotoha okay?”
“Me? I’m…….fine though”

Then, for a moment, she seemed to show an air of distress, but soon returned to her usual dignified face.

She seems to have some kind of problem, but it’s not something she can talk about. I guess that’s about it.

Then it’s not something I would listen to deeply. Because she is a professional and has nothing to offer me in the way of advice.

“Haa….”

I sighed and thought about having a cup of coffee.

–Booo Boooo
Cell phone rings. It is an alarm, so there is no active ringtone.

But that quiet sound sends a warning to my head.

(Oh, it’s Shizuku san! …… It’s Shizuku san! Oh no, oh no)

No, calm down. Kotoha is not as bad as looking at other people’s cell phones. She’s just busy right now, and I can go get it with a casual look on my face.

Target, on the desk. Aim is good. March!

I could casually pick up my cell phone, go through the call once, and then tell Shizuku san that I can’t make it today. Yeah, perfect.

Now, let’s collect the phone, and…

“Rin kun, it’s ringing. …… eh?”

Kotoha must have seen it when she kindly took my phone to hand it to me.

[You have an incoming call from Shizuku Mizuno]

Kotoha looks at the display and then adjusts it by patting her face once.
By the way, I am at my wits’ end.

“Um, …… Kotoha san?”
“Yeah, yeah, hold on, I’ll remember”

Kotoha works her head single-mindedly. The script is already on her lap.

From there, she began to groan. If I had to describe it in broken English, I would say, “Ugh, I could have remembered that in just a few minutes.”

“Ah”

She remembered.

“It’s the voice actor girl. I’ve met her before.”

Apparently, Shizuku Mizuno and Shirakawa Kotoha knew each other. Oh my, how strange.

“She has a cute face and a cute voice, but when it comes to acting, she is very serious.”

Hmmm.

“So, I think–she likes Kazashiro Rei, right?”

Gulp!!

“Oh yeah, yeah, she said she’d like to meet you sometime.”

Yes, yes, she said it, she said it, and Kotoha is convinced. Oh oh oh, is she convinced?

“All right, Rin kun. Let’s get you to tell me what happened, all of it, honestly, shall we?”

She was not convinced.

Having said that, she understood me to a certain extent.

At first she thought I was using Kazashiro Rei’s name to woo her.

Kotoha knows that I am an otaku of a certain level.
So she thought that the reason me and Shizuku san knew each other was that I was using my face as a composer.

So, with that misunderstanding cleared up, she seems to be in a bit of a better mood.

I don’t know why I should be in her good mood.

“So why is she calling you?”
“No, it’s a serious situation…….”

I think the phone call started out as a trivial matter.

We were talking on line, and when I asked her what she was careful about in her acting, she said, “It’s too long to explain, so do you mind if I call you?” And that was the way it went.

Then, she just started making phone calls instead of lines.

“Well, Rin kun isn’t calling her, is he?”
“Yes, that”
“Then just say that you didn’t really want to call her.”
“……”
“Yes. No.”

Because, you know. Even if I don’t want to call her, I’d still like to hear her voice. …… I don’t have a choice. ……

“Zero remorse, huh?”
“I do, I do!”

I’m not sure what to reflect on
Either that I was losing sleep over the phone with her, or that I didn’t tell Kotoha that I was on the phone with her.

“..Haa”

When she sees that I am not showing any remorse, Kotoha lets out a big sigh.

Then, she suddenly begins to speak.

“Me ? I don’t care who you go out with, Rin kun.”
“Hee?”

It was something unexpected.
Of course, I didn’t think Kotoha was that much into ordinary people like me, but from her attitude up to now, I thought she would want me to refrain from such cross-dressing.

But It’s not

“Rin kun, of course, has a good face and a good personality. If it were true, he would have a high income. From a woman’s point of view, he is a perfect candidate.”

I thought that was indeed too much of a lift, but she had something else she wanted to tell me, so I shut up.

She continues her explanation with over-the-top gestures, like an actress.

“But, Rin kun, you haven’t even faced yourself yet. What will you do in the future? What kind of future do you want?”

I want to build happiness with my family. I want to be famous for my work. I don’t have a vision of anything like that

“I’m not saying you have to face it right now, okay?　Life is long, whether you’re in college or in the workforce. You can get it back as much as you want.”

She says that even after I enter the workforce, if I find something I want to do, I should give it a try.

“But, it should be Rin’s dream, not someone else’s. It’s okay to let someone else influence your life, but you shouldn’t let someone else take over your life.”

With every word, Kotoha’s serious words reach my heart.

Her words were heavy for me, as she had mastered one thing or another.

“So it’s okay to love a woman. You can marry someone you don’t even know who she is. But–make sure that person is someone who loves you.”

Myself. Not Kazashiro Rei, but Nagishiro Rin.

“Because if you do that, you’ll end up becoming a musician just because she accidentally fell in love with you”

Because that would be too naive an idea and would be subject to elimination.

No industry is sweet. The sweet juice that is only visible is the end result of hundreds of times more painful bitterness behind it.

“So, Rin kun, you should love those who love you. And you should find your own way.”

Perhaps thinking she had said too many harsh things, Kotoha finally chuckled and said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“I’ll help you.”

She said.

Her words stayed with me and I lost sleep that day.