The Greatest Secret Agent of All Time - Chapter 36

Chapter 36: I Must Win, I Must Be Awesome!!

Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio

Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio

“AoTian, are you alright?” Jing Wubian asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back. No one will dare to touch you.

“If anyone dares to kill you, I’ll fight them to death.”

Jing Wubian walked over, waving both hands in a dignified and stately manner. There were more than a dozen wounds all over his body.

“Look at me, am I tough or not? Vicious or not? Jing Zhongyue was intimidated then and there, so she did not dare to do anything to you. When it comes to being vicious, I have never been afraid of losing to anyone.”

Yun Zhonghe looked at the wounds all over him and also at the traces of blood on his forehead.

He could imagine the scene at that time. Jing Wubian holding a knife and raging at Jing Zhongyue, saying, “You better release my brother, AoTian. Otherwise, don’t blame me for being rude.”

Then, without warning, he slashed himself with the knife again and again.

Later on, when the knife was taken away and he was being tied up, he banged his forehead against the ground.

You are indeed tough enough to mutilate yourself as if your body was not yours.

“AoTian, let me tell you. The moment I toughen up, even I’m afraid of myself.” Jing Wubian was unrivaled in his vigor.

Yes, that’s right!

You’re afraid, but your sister is even more afraid. It has not been an easy feat, saving your life. Don’t get yourself killed again because of your carelessness.

In his heart, Yun Zhonghe was deeply touched. However, he could not help but taunt Jing Wubian as he carefully examined the wounds on Jing Wubian’s body.

“AoTian, Jing Zhongyue didn’t do anything to you, right?” Jing Wubian asked again out of concern.

“Nothing. With you looking out for me, what can she do to me?” Yun Zhonghe said.

Jing Wubian said, “Then did she give you any reward?”

Yun Zhonghe said, “She did! A massive sea of silver, a mansion that spans over eight acres, ten beautiful women, and a few dozen acres of fertile fields.”

Jing Wubian was astonished and said, “That generous? Am I actually that important?”

“That’s true, of course,” Yun Zhonghe said, “but I didn’t want any of that.”

“You didn’t want them? Is there something wrong with your head? You found your way into my house. Was it not for all the glory and wealth?” Jing Wubian asked.

Yun Zhonghe said, “I asked her for an official position with great authoritative power, not of a low rank, and I assume office for this new position tomorrow.”

Jing Wubian was shocked and looked at Yun Zhonghe with disbelief.

You… you are going to take on an official position? And Jing Zhongyue has agreed to it?

If it’s just me, Jing Wubian, with a screw loose in my brain, so be it. But how could it be that there’s also a problem with Jing Zhongyue’s brain?

A crazy human scumbag like you can also be an official? How many years of schooling have you gone through? Can you even shoot an arrow?

Yun Zhonghe said, “Brother, I became an official for you. Do you still remember what I told you before?”

Jing Wubian said, “That line about you wanting to sleep with Jing Zhongyue?”

“No. Before that,” Yun Zhonghe said.

Jing Wubian replied, “That the time of unrest and turbulence in the Land of No King is precisely the right time for you to realize your noble life ambition.”

Yun Zhonghe was taken aback. Jing Wubian’s memory was really quite impressive. Even I have forgotten what I said, but Jing Wubian still remembers it. And it was also in a situation when his head was hit so badly that it was splitting apart.

Yun Zhonghe said, “No, go further back. The line that I said at the very beginning.”

Jing Wubian said, “That within a year, you will oust Jing Zhongyue so that I can ascend to the position of castellan?”

“Yes, that’s it,” Yun Zhonghe said. “And now, my plan has begun. I will first assume a position and mingle with the others. When I have made it big in the official circle of the City of Torn Gust, I will immediately turn against her, Jing Zhongyue, and help you in claiming your throne.”

What?!

Jing Wubian was taken aback.

Though I, Jing Wubian, have a brain that is quite unsound, such events that involve conspiracies and revolts should be said in private, shouldn’t they?

It was probably no more than twenty steps from there to the hall in the middle mansion belonging to Jing Zhongyue. It was not nice to be talking about conspiracies and revolt, or about staging a rebellion to overthrow someone, at the doorstep of someone else’s place, was it?

It was said that the walls had ears, but he didn’t even have a wall in between the two.

The warrior at the door was also startled. You, beggar, can’t you show me some respect? I’m the loyal guard of the castellan, and right in my face, you are talking about conspiring and revolting, and you want to overthrow Castellan Jing Zhongyue?

Should I take you down without further delay?

The two warriors guarding the door looked at each other with their blades in their hands. They were hesitating over whether they should arrest this rebel who was speaking of staging the most absurd rebellion of all time.

But in the end, they lowered their blades, but it was not because they could not bear to do so.

It was because, inside the main hall, one of the leaders of the lady warriors was reporting to Jing Zhongyue. “Castellan, the beggar Yun AoTian is having a discussion right at your doorstep, and it’s about wanting to stage a conspiracy and revolt to overthrow you, dethrone you, and support Master Jing Wubian in his ascension to take over your place,” she said.

The She-Devil, Jing Zhongyue, was considered to be quite knowledgeable and had seen all kinds of ridiculous scenes before.

But this very scene unfolding right before her eyes was really something she had never seen before.

Could a human possibly be that crazy? And so intent on courting his own doom?

If he was going to conspire and plot a rebellion, could he at least do it in his own courtyard?

“Why are you all discussing your conspiracy at my doorstep? Have you considered how I, the target of your conspiracy, would feel?” she thought.

Such a big thing like a rebellion, could they take it more seriously?

But it was also fine like this, as it would take a lunatic like him less than three days to be completely stripped of his official position and driven out of the City of Torn Gust.

No, it would only take one day to drive him out.

Otherwise, he would be a worthless person donning an imposing attire, and he would become the biggest laughingstock ever.

With a wave of her hands, Jing Zhongyue said, “Close the door.”

“If the two of you, Yun AoTian and Jing Wubian, are plotting to usurp the throne, at least don’t let me, your monarch, hear about it, alright?” she thought.

Outside, Yun AoTian was sitting on the ground with a leisurely and serene state of mind. He was listing the steps of how the rebellion would be staged, one by one. “For this rebellion that we are staging, I have divided it into a total of three steps,” he said.

“The first step, I call it ‘soaring up the ladder of success.’

“I call the second step, ‘the shameless betrayal.’

“And the third step, I call ‘angels and demons.’”

The warrior who was standing guard at Jing Zhongyue’s door could not bear to hear any more of this. He pulled out a ball of cloth and stuffed it into his ears.

“This is simply too thunderous; I really can’t take it anymore,” he said to himself.

Yun Zhonghe said, “The first step is especially important. I must do well for this first official position of mine. I must do so well that I shine radiantly. Not only must I hold firm to my authority and power, but I must also ensure that this incomparably handsome face of mine is deeply rooted in Jing Zhongyue’s heart. They are the foundations of our great conspiracy. Only when this first step is well taken can we proceed to the next step with more ease.”

Jing Wubian said, “Then this second step of yours, what exactly does it mean? The shameless betrayal.”

Yun Zhonghe said, “After the first step has been taken, I would have made a name for myself. I would have shone so brightly that I blinded Jing Zhongyue’s alluring eyes. I would have shown my unmatched, peerless wisdom. So, for my second step, I will push you up there, forcing her to put you solely in charge so you can take on an important official position in the City of Torn Gust. You will have your own territory, you will be rich, you will wield military power, and this way, our great plan to usurp the throne will be more secure.

“For the third step, we will have to wait for the City of Torn Gust to meet with a catastrophe. Then, we will stage a show of the return of the king, put in our utmost efforts to salvage this desperate situation, and save the centuries-old foundation of the City of Torn Gust.”

Hearing the explanation up until that point, Jing Wubian felt as though something was not right. Because it all sounded so earnest, so serious, it all seemed so real.

Straight away, Jing Wubian said, “You, you’re dead serious about this, right?”

“Of course. Do you think that plotting to usurp the throne is playing house? Just child’s play? Are you kidding me?” Yun Zhonghe cried out in anger.

Jing Wubian looked around his surroundings, then at the loyal guards standing by Jing Zhongyue’s side.

Was this not enough to be considered freaking child’s play?

Yun Zhonghe said, “Brother, don’t you want to usurp the throne? Don’t you want to reclaim the seat of the castellan that should be rightfully yours?”

Jing Wubian roared, “Of course I want to. Not a day goes by without me wanting to usurp the throne and take back what belongs to me.”

Then, Jing Wubian whispered, “AoTian, to be honest with you, I… I’m just shouting out for fun, just to let others know of my existence, that’s all. But for you to want to push me up to claim the throne of castellan, it’s probably more difficult than pushing a pig up to take the throne. That’s hellishly difficult.”

“Crap. As a lunatic, is it really good to be as self-aware as you? I think you may not be crazy enough!” Yun Zhonghe thought.

Jing Wubian said, “And AoTian, I think that when you assume your new official post tomorrow, it will take you less than a day to be ousted and then expelled from the City of Torn Gust. Jing Zhongyue feels that having just one lunatic like me is enough.”

Then, Jing Wubian suddenly thought of something fun and said in high spirits, “Why don’t we make a bet? In less than a day, you’ll be stripped of this official position of yours, and then you’ll be driven out of the City of Torn Gust, crestfallen and dejected. If I win, you’ll run one round about the residence of the castellan with your buttocks bared. If within a day, you are still not ousted, then we’ll take it as you winning the bet. I will give you five thousand sycees.”

Yun Zhonghe was angry but did not bother arguing over the indisputable. So, in a stern voice, he said, “My lord, can you be a little more serious? I’m plotting this great conspiracy for you to usurp the throne.”

Then he said, “I’m fine with betting, but let’s change the stakes. If I win, and if I am not only not ousted within a day, but instead, I make a big kill, then you have to find a way to make Lady Cold Jade faint so that I can kiss her.”

Jing Wubian was furious and said, “Sister Cold Jade is my dream girl. Moreover, haven’t you always wanted to conquer my blood sister?”

Yun Zhonghe flashed a wicked smile and said, “Men, aren’t we all fickle in our affections? Which man wouldn’t fancy the thought of having a houseful of wives and concubines? Hahahaha, heeheeheehee! Are you afraid to take up the bet?”

Jing Wubian said, “Deal.”

“Deal!”

Suddenly, Jing Zhongyue, who was inside the main hall, could not take it anymore. Her exquisite, snow-white hands had gripped the hilt of her sword multiple times, where she had wanted to shred Yun Zhonghe into bits and pieces.

“Throw him out. Throw him far, far away. Throw Jing Wubian out as well.”

Without warning, several warriors stepped forward. Lifting both Jing Wubian and Yun Zhonghe as though they were grabbing little chicks, they threw the former into the west courtyard and the latter into Yun Zhonghe’s ultra-stinky little courtyard.

Then Jing Zhongyue said, “Get the other side ready. From tomorrow on, I don’t ever want to see this person, Yun AoTian, again.”

“Yes, your humble servant will go about it right away,” said the leader of the lady warriors. “I will get the other side to prepare an extremely difficult problem and see to it that Yun AoTian is taught a good lesson and makes a grave mistake. After he has assumed office for his new position, I will make him scram within the first half an hour. First, I will give him a good beating until he is half-dead, then he will be stripped of his title and be thrown out of the City of Torn Gust.”

Her monarch was no doubt murderous in nature and had killed countless people, and was thus nicknamed the She-Devil. But she was also someone with superb martial arts skills and was very knowledgeable, quiet, and elegant. She was never one to forget herself or lose her composure.

But now, her chest was actually heaving up and down, so it was evident that she was angered beyond her limit.

***

The war between men and women had begun.

This was a battle of extreme disparity. Yun Zhonghe, a mere myna [1] that ran its mouth saying unpleasant words, was going to challenge Jing Zhongyue, this mighty and magnificent phoenix.

Today, Yun Zhonghe had, once again, angered this phoenix.

As conceivable as could be, when he was to report for his new official position on the morrow, he was bound to encounter a tremendous problem.

This way, Jing Zhongyue could dismiss him from his post and then drive him out of the City of Torn Gust. Or she might even beat him until he was half-dead.

And this tremendous problem was definitely going to be far beyond what Yun Zhonghe was capable of handling.

“On the morrow, when I officially report for duty, it will be the first war between men and women for me, Yun Zhonghe, and Jing Zhongyue.

“I have to win, and I have to do it beautifully,” he thought.

“Where is my golden finger?

“Where are my ingenious psychotic patients? It has been more than 20 days; it’s time for you all to show up.

“Even if you have been going through your times of the month, they should be over by now.

“Possess me, you psychopath!” Yun Zhonghe shouted in his heart.

But still, not a single psychotic patient came to possess him.

“Number Nine? Number Twenty-Three? Number Sixteen?”

Without being psychotic, Yun Zhonghe was afraid that he would not be able to defeat Jing Zhongyue, the phoenix that was so perversely beautiful.

No doubt, he was very confident in his intelligence, but there would be even greater certainty with the aid of a psychotic golden finger. He would be bound to succeed in everything he did.

And this was how he could fight more brilliantly for this battle the next day; this was how he could shock Jing Zhongyue.

But no matter how many times he summoned them, there still was not a single psychopath that would possess him.

So, he simply closed his eyes and went straight to sleep.

In his dreams, Yun Zhonghe seemed to have returned to X Psychiatric Hospital, and 26 mental patients were sitting in front of him.

“It’s been almost a month, and you guys have finally shown up. I’ve really missed you all,” he said in his head.

Yun Zhonghe said, “Brothers, the war between Jing Zhongyue and me has begun, and tomorrow is the first battle. You guys have to help me win and utterly destroy them all.”

***

[1] One of several Asian birds of the starling family.