The Reason Why We Shouldn’t Get Married

Chapter 5

* * *

Though Diana had begged him, Iandrus had no plans of breaking his engagement to her.

He couldn’t really explain why, but he had this terrible feeling that if he allowed Diana to fool him like this and followed along with her, he really would lose her forever.

Because Diana seemed intent on leaving Iandrus no matter what it took.

* * *

It was a long day.

Jesse filled a bag with ice and pressed it against Diana’s swollen eyelids.

“Are you upset, my lady? Or did the Prince say something mean to you?”

“…..Do you think we’re too young to get into fights?”

They fought a lot when they were younger, but now they were old enough to look the other way rather than aimlessly criticize and argue with one another. That was especially so for the current Diana.

Hearing Diana respond in such a lifeless and tired voice, Jesse frowned. Whatever the reason was, the lady she served had cried so intensely, her eyes were completely swollen. Who could be happy about this? The black dress, which Diana had stubbornly insisted on, felt very apparent now.

Black was Diana’s least favorite color and yet, she had insisted on wearing such a plain and dreary dress. Perhaps there was a reason behind it, but no matter how many times Jesse asked, Diana wouldn’t answer. She would just sit still and shake her head, her face filled with endless thoughts.

A face saying others would never understand.

It really felt like Diana had completely changed overnight.

“You must have had a very strange day, my lady. Did you perchance have a nightmare? Or maybe….”

“It’s fine, Jesse,” Diana murmured softly. There was no need to be rude to Jesse. She was the one who took care of Diana up until the moment her life was spent. She was a loyal maid who always stood by her side. “I’ve just become an adult now.”

She knew how ridiculous that sounded. A young girl saying, I’m an adult, was no different from them stubbornly telling others not to treat them like children. But it was the only explanation for what Diana had done now and would continue to do going forward.

Jesse smiled saying, “That’s a relief. I was worried my lady wouldn’t become an adult before the wedding, but now you’ve grown up.”

Diana gave a big smile.

Jesse also took her words as a joke, but that wasn’t her fault. The strange person in this situation was Diana, not Jesse.

But how will Iandrus take this?

Whatever his judgement was, the important thing was that Diana breaks off the engagement. Iandrus doesn’t know what he will go through in the future, but whether Diana was there or not, he would just as easily walk into misery himself.

Because Iandrus was always a weak man.

Only Diana and Philadelphia could be spared from such a wretched fate. Iandrus staying stuck in the mud by himself had nothing to do with Diana anymore. And it would continue to have nothing to do with her in the future.

Before parting ways with Iandrus today, Diana told him she would wait for the good news as soon as possible. Diana closed her eyes tightly, tears filling up again as if her eyes lids were like soaked cotton being squeezed out.

“…….I should go to the church tomorrow, Jesse.”

“The church?”

“Yes. There’s something I wish to pray for.”

“Okay, my lady. I’ll prepare a donation and some flowers. As for your clothing tomorrow……”

“Black. I’m going to wear a black dress.”

“Tomorrow, too?”

“Yes.”

As she would continue to wear from now on.

Diana swallowed the sigh that threatened to come out like a habit.

Back then, Jesse cared for the child Diana had given birth to as if she were her own, just as she had loved and cared for Diana. But given the present situation, she would not remember that child. Diana was the only one who still carried her memory.

And so Diana would mourn that child on behalf of everyone. Mourn for the girl who would never be seen again.

‘I love you, mom.’

She was a child who loved Iandrus despite how little attention he gave her. Diana let out a defeated and mournful chuckle. And having no courage herself, Diana decided to take her child’s advice and run away. Rather than fight against fate to one day meet her daughter again, she would run with all she had.

I’m so sorry……I’m sorry your mother’s such a coward. I’m so sorry.

Hot tears flowed from her eyes, through the gaps in the ice pack. Though she noticed Diana’s strange stillness, Jesse kept her mouth shut.

It looked like she was just struggling through puberty, so Jesse advised her to wear some brightly colored clothing to the church, but she said there was no need for it. Jesse didn’t know what kind of change of heart her lady was going through, but what she did know was that she missed the bright and cheerful Diana.

“What is it you wish to pray for?”

“…I just…..” Diana murmured, her words trailing off. “I want to pray for the flame that will never be lit…..”

Unrelenting flame.

That was her daughter’s name—Scintilla. (1)

That wonderful day when her small and precious life came into being replayed in Diana’s mind. She was a little girl who resembled Diana’s mother with red hair and was as bright as a booming firework with a brilliantly beautiful smile.

After thinking of names for a week, Diana and Iandrus selected the name Scintilla. That was the moment in time when their relationship was probably at its best. It was like the despair that had been weighing down on Iandrus’ shoulders disappeared.

And Diana dreamed of creating a better future for their little Scintilla.

But her hopes and dreams were shattered in an instant.

Diana pretended to be asleep and closed her eyes. And as she stayed perfectly still, she could feel Jesse’s cautious movements around the room, careful not to wake her sleeping lady. With her eyes tightly shut, her hearing became more sensitive. Diana could hear the sound of another maid carefully entering the room, and of Jesse putting a kettle and a glass of water down by her bedside.

“Jesse. How is the lady?”

“Well…She said she wished to go to the church to pray for ‘the flame’.”

“What does that mean?”

“I think the young lady is working through her puberty these days. You know she’s at that age where one may sway between laughing and crying as easily as falling leaves.”

“Ah….I suppose that makes sense.”

Listening to their conversation, Diana stifled a laugh. She thought they might think that, but she was actually already past the age to go through puberty. But no one believed that Diana actually came from the future.

At least right now.

‘I think you’re saying this because you’re completely sane and something is making you believe this.‘

Why did Iandrus’ face come to mind at this moment? He’d never said anything like that to her for the years they lived together as a married couple……

She couldn’t understand Iandrus at all before she died, but she understood him even less after coming back in time.

Diana sighed again. Iandrus’ reaction defied her expectations, which only made her thoughts even more complicated. Judging by his reaction, it was unlikely this was enough to break the engagement.

Should I just check myself into a mental hospital?

If she had such a history behind herself, the royal family would never accept it.

But it wouldn’t be that easy either. Diana was still technically just a young girl under the protection of the Philadelphia family, but there had to be a way to scare Iandrus off.

Diana internally sighed. Everyone may view her as a simple child throwing a tantrum, but for her, this was a matter of life and death—the path she needed to take to live in the future.

* * *

It was the next day after she had gone out to meet with Iandrus. For two whole days, Diana reflected upon the future ahead of her.

“You’re just grumpy, aren’t you?” Diana’s second eldest brother, Guinness smiled at her as he bit down onto an apple.

After hearing Diana hadn’t left her room in two days, it was clear that she must be throwing some kind of tantrum. And so, Guinness burst very rudely into her room, and Diana didn’t even have the heart to stop him.

If it were before, she might’ve reprimanded him, but she could still remember the times when she actually missed his garish behavior. Guinness was one of the people who threw his life on the line to protect Diana. For her sake, he forced all of Philadelphia to its knees in front of the hound that bit them.

“Guinness….” Diana called to him with a tired voice.

“What? You couldn’t sleep ‘cause you were too excited?” Guinness laughed.

Diana watched him throw the leftover apple core into an empty teacup, then lay casually on the sofa. Not long ago, she had insisted she wouldn’t get married, and then after hearing she wouldn’t leave her room, Guinness had rushed over after a month long absence.

Guinness was preparing to take over the Philadelphia family right now, but he was always very affectionate towards his sister.

Reading a book, Diana leaned up against the sofa, lifting up her head.

“I’m not excited.”

“Your face is pale, Ana,” Guinness said, frowning. When he saw Diana’s face, her blue eyes filled with exhaustion as if she hadn’t been sleeping properly, his worries soared. “Ana, did Iandrus do something to do?”

“……It’s not like that.”

“You have to tell me the truth if you want me to help you, Ana.”

Diana put down her book, saying, “I’m saying this because you have already done enough to help me.” She turned to Guinness, her blue eyes shining like the dawn.

* * *

T/N: (1) A “Scintilla” is defined as being a spark, usually in reference to a thought or a feeling. In this context though, they mean it like fire.